mikicmikido Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Why would you do that? Can you not just occupy yourself for a few days, get really drunk, something to keep you busy and wait and see? Just take a little break from the routine, let him miss you and feel the fear that you are feeling right now. Maybe he will worry that you are moving on. Otherwise, if he is going to end it anyway, there is nothing else that you can do. But if you want it to work out, then give him his space. We always want guys to tell what they are feeling and then when they do (ie. give me some time) we decide that we don't like what they feel and try to change it or harass them out of it. Let him do his thing. He sounds like a nice guy, he is probably taking this time seriously, show him that you respect HIS feelings too and that even though this is WAY hard for you, you will let him have his space (and you get to have your dignity:rolleyes: ) Now, go rock this time apart! BE the chick that he would want to be with.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 You may not like drama, but you do come off as quite dramatic. Really, you've got to take it down a notch (or several) or you're gonna run him off. By all means, vent here instead of bugging a man who is stressed out. I don't like loose ends, either, but it ain't over till it's over, and he hasn't said that so far. You really can't look at his picture or various "things" without getting so worked up? Maybe you have an anxiety disorder. Maybe you're simply impatient and used to immediate gratification. I don't know but this might be something for you to work on. Living in my head can be hard but keep on breathing and you're gonna come out of this (whatever it is) alive. Got plans for tonight? No drinking if you're prone to drunk dialing!
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Thank you guys really!! I dont know what I would do it without you!!! Yes I'm going out tonight with some of my friends (nothing big just dinner) I'm going to give my cell phone to one of my them so I dont drunk dial... I just keep wondering what he's going to do tonight and tomorrow... I hate this!! I would rather have a broken leg then deal with this ****!
dropdeadlegs Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I hate this!! I would rather have a broken leg then deal with this ****! There's something we agree on! I tolerate physical pain far better than emotional pain. Go out, have a good time, and be careful.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 There's something we agree on! I tolerate physical pain far better than emotional pain. Go out, have a good time, and be careful. Thanks I'll try Im sure Im going to see some couple hooking up and Ill get all upset all over again..... How long does it take for a guy to be alone, and think..he's pissed that I lied to him and cant trust me now....
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 SO I went without contacting him saturday it was so hard but I went out with some friends and didnt call him not once....He didnt call or text me either.... When I woke up I just couldnt deal with it anymore I was so mad that I just called him he answered and we talked....he told me he was thinking about me last night but and that he still cares but doesnt know what he wants. I went on telling him that its not fair to me to keep me hanging on like that he got pissed and we got into a fight...he ended up tell me he cant trust me, and called me every name in the book.... I dont know what to do....Im about to say *** it and just start telling myself Im single....
dropdeadlegs Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Why can't he trust you? Does he have good reason(s)? Maybe he IS trying to end the relationship. Calling me names would have ended it for me.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 Why can't he trust you? Does he have good reason(s)? Maybe he IS trying to end the relationship. Calling me names would have ended it for me. Cant trust me because I lied about the phone call thing....and when my phone rings or I would get a text he always wanted to know who it was and I always put up a fight with telling him....I wasnt hiding anything from him....1/2the time it was my mom, sister, or best friend but it was the point that he always would ask.......and for get about it if I asked him who texted or called him....
dropdeadlegs Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Cant trust me because I lied about the phone call thing....and when my phone rings or I would get a text he always wanted to know who it was and I always put up a fight with telling him....I wasnt hiding anything from him....1/2the time it was my mom, sister, or best friend but it was the point that he always would ask.......and for get about it if I asked him who texted or called him.... Oh yeah, the phone call. I didn't see that as all that significant at the time, nor now. Did you two discuss that issue? It was wrong to deny it was who it was on the phone, but he can't get over something that insignificant? Seems more like a minor symptom of a problem than a big problem itself. We all freak out and lie at times, even when we have no real reason to, especially if we are afraid to rock the boat any further. I don't have answers for you. If he's that hung up on the phone call I don't know what to say. It seems to me that it would take something worse for me to need so much space. It doesn't seem fair to keep you hanging in limbo. I would still be angry about the name calling. Fair fighting can be productive to good outcomes, but stooping to name calling doesn't usually have positive results. I failed to mention that I was proud that you resisted the urge to call Saturday. that was tough, I'm sure. It's up to you, but I wouldn't be hanging around waiting for long without some positive reinforcement that I wasn't wasting my time, and I'd demand that the names be taken back and apologized for. Working together to solve problems usually is better than solving them with space between you.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 I just want a definitive yes or no answer!! It's one thing when a guy says bye I'll just say "okay time to move on". I feel "If I move on, he might feel betrayed" or "If I just hang on, they'll be back". but if he doesnt come back Im just wasting my time.... This sucks....if you're reading this and you are single PLEASE STAY that way!!
Island Girl Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 You play emotional games - THAT is why you lied about who you were on the phone with. You are emotionally insecure and constantly look for reinforcement from him. He has been insecure as well -- but he is more than likely feeling that you feed his insecurity and make it worse. He is now feeling what it is like not to have the bickering plaguing him. "Ahhh. Freedom." He is going through enough emotional crap - men do not like it but he is FORCED to deal with it when it comes to his other problems. You are the optional addition. He was looking for support and caring and he got an emotional wreck. So he cut out what he could - namely you - to deal. You have pushed the issue and now it sounds like he is done.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 You are right its my own fault....its over and done I have to face that now... Where do I start.....how can I start over when I have such strong feelings for him....I hate my life
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 I want to call him tonight and ask him what the deal is with us.... This has gone on long enough.... I want to give things a full chance, I don’t want to quit, and I am willing to do what it takes to work it out. But at what cost to me personally and emotionally? I can only take so much!!! I already told him I was sorry for messing up....I have nothing else to say Should I do it or not???
dropdeadlegs Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 I want to call him tonight and ask him what the deal is with us.... This has gone on long enough.... I want to give things a full chance, I don’t want to quit, and I am willing to do what it takes to work it out. But at what cost to me personally and emotionally? I can only take so much!!! I already told him I was sorry for messing up....I have nothing else to say Should I do it or not??? Honestly???? My answer is no. If you don't want to distance him further, he needs time to figure this out on his own. I still don't see where you have given him even 72 hours of time. The last time you spoke it turned into something awful, are you ready for this talk to push him over the edge and state that it's over? Will that make you feel better? If you need this to be tied up in a nice neat bow (which I understand, but it's risky) be ready for the other shoe to drop, because that is what I predict will happen. He will call it quits and use the opportunity to say "if you need an answer now, the answer is goodbye." Giving him more time has no guarantees for you. You might wait and still not get what you want. I still think that not waiting will ensure that you don't get the desired outcome. I wouldn't wait forever, but I wouldn't push for an answer today, either, unless I was ready for any outcome, not just the one I wanted. Had you given him the desired space from the get-go, had the call on Sunday not exploded into something bad, my advice would likely be different. Somehow I think you will call him anyway, so good luck with that. I hope I am wrong.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 Thanks again!!! You sound like my best friend!!!LOL and just like I told her he can go out and do whatever the hell he wants … fully knowing that I’ll be there waiting … and basically moping around … until he decides to come back when he’s “ready” talk about a position of power I dont want him to have!! Im not going to be a door mate for anyone!! I dont care anymore...I wont call him.....why...because I no longer care!!!
dropdeadlegs Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Thanks again!!! You sound like my best friend!!!LOL and just like I told her he can go out and do whatever the hell he wants … fully knowing that I’ll be there waiting … and basically moping around … until he decides to come back when he’s “ready” talk about a position of power I dont want him to have!! Im not going to be a door mate for anyone!! I dont care anymore...I wont call him.....why...because I no longer care!!! You care, you don't care, you care, you don't care. It's totally normal, just interesting to see in action! I'm not laughing AT you, I have soooo been there done that. Never forget that you ALWAYS have equal power. You can refuse to accept any more "space." If I told my BF I needed space, I can be sure I would get plenty of it! He has taken any possibility of game playing right out of this relationship, but I like having no drama.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Its ok...Im making myself crazy....I didnt call him last night...it was hard but I just turned on Gilmore girls, then the yanks game went to bed....just checked my phone and there is no messages either I guess its pretty safe to say we are over.... its been too long. It seems like it doesn’t matter to him, if he really gave a F**K he would of explained/called/texted or came to see me by now....right????? I dont know what to do all I know is that I want some closure.....I cant take this its making me nuts!!! I'm not at strong today SOMEONE...ANYONE HELP!!!
ls3360 Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 There has been some great advice here. You're lucky to have it. You seem to have a lot of difficulty giving space. That's too bad... but not uncommon. If this relationship doesn't work out, it sounds to me like you're going to need that skill in the next one. Consider using this situation as practice for the future. Stop worrying about him and start trying to figure out how you're going to be better at this the next time. If you two stick together as a side effect, great! But focus on improving yourself right now. Another trick.... You used the Gilmore Girls last night to keep you distracted. It can be helpful to watch other people's lives (even if just TV lives) to help bring perspective back to yours. Just helping out others on LoveShack might be helpful.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Its ok...Im making myself crazy....I didnt call him last night...it was hard but I just turned on Gilmore girls, then the yanks game went to bed....just checked my phone and there is no messages either I guess its pretty safe to say we are over.... its been too long. It seems like it doesn’t matter to him, if he really gave a F**K he would of explained/called/texted or came to see me by now....right????? I dont know what to do all I know is that I want some closure.....I cant take this its making me nuts!!! I'm not at strong today SOMEONE...ANYONE HELP!!! If Gilmore Girls keep you in check, a box set of a season of reruns might be worth the price of self respect. It kept you from calling, and I applaud your self restraint. (Clap, clap, clap!) I'm a big fan of closure, myself. That has made me somewhat irrational at times. I'm trying to understand and believe that actions do speak louder than words. Not just his actions, but mine as well. Just consider this....you don't call or invade his "space" in any way. How long do you think he could go if he thought you were moving on with your life? Do you think he is so confident that you are anxiously awaiting contact that he could be quiet for two weeks? A month? Or would your silence make him think "I might lose this girl." You know him better than I do. You don't even HAVE to move on, if you're not ready. But what if he THOUGHT you were? Assuming you don't do anything that would irrevocably be considered as ending the relationship, you would still have the option of reconciling if you and he desired, and you would be beginning the healing process through no contact in the event he never calls again. It's easier said than done, but give the idea some thought. It puts you back in the power position in many ways. It's just one of several options you currently have. Hope your day gets better and that you will feel stronger.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Just helping out others on LoveShack might be helpful. Wonderful advice, Is3360. I have many times heard others say that posting on the threads of other LSers has helped them a lot. It takes your mind off of your own problem(s) and puts your individual experiences to work in assisting others. Often you find someone going through the same thing you are, and the two of you can keep each other strong, like diet buddies do. SLEEPLESS, try getting out on the boards a bit! It feels pretty good to help others, and gives you something to focus on. This place has really given me an attitude adjustment. I have learned so much about relationships and the interactions involved. It has changed my way of thinking in many ways and I've only been around for six months.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Thank you again….maybe I'll try getting out on the boards a little like ls3360 stated. I'm just a mess now and I dont think I'll be any good for others... Aaaanyway, to tell you the truth dropdeadlegs I feel like if I don’t try and reach out to him telling him how I feel he will move on. He’s a very confident guy I think he’ll see it as my loss and not think twice about it. He knows I’m crazy for him. I just want this nightmare to be over I cant take it anymore! I really cant!!
dropdeadlegs Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Aaaanyway, to tell you the truth dropdeadlegs I feel like if I don’t try and reach out to him telling him how I feel he will move on. He’s a very confident guy I think he’ll see it as my loss and not think twice about it. He knows I’m crazy for him. I just want this nightmare to be over I cant take it anymore! I really cant!! If that is the case, you've probably already lost him. Even if he comes back, he will need space again soon, or outright breakup, and you will be right back where you are now. I understand not liking the limbo stage you are in, I really do. I prefer the hammer to be dropped over wondering when or if that hammer is coming down. Do what you need to in order to stop the anxiety of not knowing. It's your right to have an answer if an answer is what you need. Just be sure that any answer is better than none at all, and if that's the case, you might feel better about it all than you do right now.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 I dont know what to do...I keep doing back and fourth... A part of me wants to send him an email and the other part of me wants to call him later tonight and yet another part of me wants to just wait....but like most of you guys said "action speaks louder then words" are saying we are over....should I just call and hear it for myself???? I dont wish this kind of stuff on anyone not even my worse enemy
dropdeadlegs Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I don't mean to hog your thread. Keep one thing in mind. Important discussions should be handled in person if possible, but second best is the phone. It allows for actual discussion versus a bunch of one-sided info that email entails. Maybe it would be a good idea to write down what you want addressed just in case the conversation takes several turns. That way you have a definite list of concerns and questions, and won't end up having unanswered issues when the conversation is over. Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right thing to do. A wise suggestion is that when you aren't sure what to do, it is best not to do anything until you KNOW the RIGHT thing to do. Right for you, that is.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Dont worry you arent hogging my thread.... So I must say I just called his work and got his voice mail no idea why I did it thank god he didnt answer...I would have no idea what to do if he did! Just hearing his voice made me miss him even more...I shouldnt have done that!!! aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! :mad: dropdeadlegs ~ You are right I am going to write everything done tonight and then give him a buzz...please say a prayer for me!! Thanks again everyone who attempted to help me!!
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