Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Oh My Goodness I Want To Call Him Right Now!!!!
kribby Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Oh My Goodness I Want To Call Him Right Now!!!! Dude. Stop. Watch some tv or something. Take the battery out of your phone... put it in your car. play around with your profile on loveshack... listen to some music... watch a movie... GAH!!!! Calm the f*** down and wait him out.
kribby Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Oh My Goodness I Want To Call Him Right Now!!!! Dude. Stop. Watch some tv or something. Take the battery out of your phone... put it in your car. play around with your profile on loveshack... listen to some music... watch a movie... cook something elaborate for dinner... call your mom or something. GAH!!!! Calm the f*** down and wait him out.
Island Girl Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Do not text as communication in a relationship. Everything can get misconstrued. There is no tonality which lends itself to understanding what is meant behind the words. Stop texting. You behaved like a child during the entire post about the fight night. You admit you took off angry -- and driving drunk -- thankfully no one was hurt by you thoughtless action. It sounds like you fight like children and he's 30. He may have been suddenly reminded of how ridiculous it all is when you lied to him on the phone. If you are going to apologize --- wait a little while. He asked for space and you should listen to what he said he wants right now. You are insecure and it really comes across. "Do I have a BF?" -- This is what you write because he says he needs some space? Why is it suddenly the end? You should understand that sometimes things need to be worked out within. Problems and conflicts do not have to be solved right that minute. Take a step back and breathe.
DanielMadr Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I know Daniel wasnt being mean...I just snapped sorry I'm still upset with all this crap...and I was jsut taking it out on poor Daniel....(SORRY DANIEL) Now to make matters worse when i called him last night he told me he's not mad at me, its him...what the hell is that....he stated that he has a lot going on and is stressed out.... This ****en sucks................. Its OK. Its internet...nothing personal You know you are the first person in like 15years who told me 'sorry' voluntarily(not under threat of fist fight:laugh: ) Thanks. He dont want to be too hard on you. Its a good sign. He is no ego maniac either. And he dont wont to hurt you. Just let him cool down. Men have to be left alone to think. He really needs some space.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Thanks guys you are all right! I Messed up, I guess I'm getting what I deserve. You have no idea how upset I am about this.....Tomorrow we would have been together for a year I guess I should return his gifts....right? I dont know what to do...Im such a mess the only thing good from this is that I lost some weight since I cant bring myself to eat
DanielMadr Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Thanks guys you are all right! I Messed up, I guess I'm getting what I deserve. You have no idea how upset I am about this.....Tomorrow we would have been together for a year I guess I should return his gifts....right? I dont know what to do...Im such a mess the only thing good from this is that I lost some weight since I cant bring myself to eat Dont be so negative. Dont think about BS like returning gifts etc. Dont be a victim. Think positive dude:) You will feel better yourself and guess what, he will feel better about you. Actually its the best thing you can do to help him overcome his downs. Positive attitude is really a turn on. Its not end of a world....youve been through worse things, you know ehat Im talking about.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Dont be so negative. Dont think about BS like returning gifts etc. Dont be a victim. Think positive dude:) You will feel better yourself and guess what, he will feel better about you. Actually its the best thing you can do to help him overcome his downs. Positive attitude is really a turn on. Its not end of a world....youve been through worse things, you know ehat Im talking about. Yeah I understand....but what is getting to me right now is knowing that Im not going to see him this weekend....and I have no idea what he is going to do or who he's going to do it with!!! Plus its our year anniversary....call me selfish or what have you but I'm so upset over this!!! I wont return his gifts yet but what should I do.........
DanielMadr Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Yeah I understand....but what is getting to me right now is knowing that Im not going to see him this weekend....and I have no idea what he is going to do or who he's going to do it with!!! Plus its our year anniversary....call me selfish or what have you but I'm so upset over this!!! I wont return his gifts yet but what should I do......... Eh. You should calm down. You can call him on your anniversary, just to say 'How are you.', no pushing of any agenda. And please stop thinking about it. Stop analyzing. Clear your head. Go running around a block, get some sleep. You will see things more clearly the other day. Dont be a drama queen.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Eh. You should calm down. You can call him on your anniversary, just to say 'How are you.', no pushing of any agenda. And please stop thinking about it. Stop analyzing. Clear your head. Go running around a block, get some sleep. You will see things more clearly the other day. Dont be a drama queen. I am trying not to think about this, but I cant help it! Im at work right not trying to hold back the tears and just looking at our pictures together is killing me! I dont want to take them down because my nosey coworkers will start asking me questions and I dont feel up to that yet! I cant stop wondering if he's going out tonight, or tomorrow.....
dropdeadlegs Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Sometimes when life deals several bad hands in rapid succession, it takes awhile for the cards to sink in. It sounds like the last year has been pretty dramatic, and that your BF had to remain strong for you and your mother during some health crises. These kinds of situations involve a myriad of feelings and he has probably been overwhelmed emotionally. He has reached his breaking point. He has been strong, but the feelings of fear, helplessness, and possibly anger, have came to the surface. When someone we love asks for space, it is common to want to help them through the rough spot, but we really should respect that they know what they need better than we do. Give him the space. The last thing he needs is more drama. It seems to be what he is trying to avoid. If you crowd him now, you may very well NOT have a BF soon. He didn't say break up, he requested some time to deal with his feelings. You're scared and confused, but that's YOUR problem, don't make it his. He's had a lot on his plate and needs time to digest it all. I agree with Island Girl that important communication should not be handled via text and email. Those are impersonal ways of handling very personal issues and only non emotional topics should be discussed via those options. Use them for things like "I'm on my way but in heavy traffic" not "do I have a boyfriend?" The whole premise of 24/7 availability is nerve wracking. People are taking technological advances and making them a living nightmare. Flipping out will only make you more crazy. He asked for space on Sunday night, then you bombard him with calls, texts, and emails the following day. Exactly when did you give him space? While he was sleeping? Honor his wishes and he might see that you love him enough to provide for his needs, but suffocate him with neediness and I think you will get the break up call. Calm down. This isn't high school anymore.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 You made a lot of good points thank you for the help! I wont bother him today no texts, no emails, no phone calls, no nothing... I just dont want him to think that I don't care and that I gave up...I still feel like **** for lying to him, and for not being there. This is all my fault:mad:
dropdeadlegs Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Very little in relationships can be completely the fault of one person. Give yourself a break. He could have handled the "I need space" thing better, too. If that had been handled differently, you wouldn't be as confused. Breaking points don't always come at appropriate times and with appropriate discussion, sometimes you just have to stop...now. That might be how he was feeling. Stop the world, I wanna get off! I'm sure your BF knows that you care and will be there for him in any way he needs. With that in mind, I suggest letting him be the next one to make contact. When he calls, let him lead the conversation, kind of act like nothing is wrong. If he wants to talk about the need for space, or no longer needing space, fine, but if not, let it be. If it takes a few days for him to call, it will be hard, especially with the weekend looming and this anniversary thing. You have a cell phone and he has your number. Keep busy. If he doesn't call by Monday I would try to contact him, but arrange for a face to face meeting and calmly discuss if he is considering an actual break up, or really just needs more space, but get a clear definition of what space means because guessing isn't going to have the same meaning to you as it does to him. I hope he won't leave you hanging that long, but you have got to stay rational. If this space he needs is doublespeak for break up (not saying it is, I can't possibly know) you WILL survive. You may have to drag yourself to work and through life for awhile, but then you'll lick your wounds and find someone who wants to be with you. That's what you deserve, whether it be with this guy or another one. Now have a lovely day, and let us know how it all works out.
mikicmikido Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Wow, I seriously just went through your EXACT situation but with my husband. I felt all the things that you are feeling. I wanted to give things back, make him feel the hurt that I was feeling. Make him realize that this is serious and that he just couldn't treat me that way cause I thought that I would go crazy. It feels like you are giving him space because you haven't been hanging out together, continuing the saga, ups, downs, looks with meanings...all that crap that keeps us women entertained and analyzing. Here's a tip. It will not work if you act like this is the end of the world or try to hurt him more. In fact it probably will just confirm some doubts about things that he is trying to take time to think about. Depending on how you two normally are, I would think that this relationship MIGHT be over. That was the case with the Husband and I. I think that is why I freaked out so much when he was "mentally exhausted and needed space and time alone" because I knew that if he were even saying and feeling that, that the spell was broken if you know what I mean.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Great now Im all confused.... the more I think about it the more Im thinking that his friends just broke up with there g/f's and maybe he wants to do the same with me. . . I dont know....I'm just going to get all dress up and go out tonight, and tomorrow with some friends. **** it! I dont care anymore! There are a ton of guys out there that would love to be with me!
mikicmikido Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Good call. It really helps if you get yourself involved with some other drama to keep your mind occupied. This is completely bad advice supposedly, but so far it has really been helping me...right or wrong.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 I dont know!! I just called him at work and we talked, laughed and everything seemed to be going fine. and they he said I know sat is our anniversary but he doesnt think its a good idea to see each other. WHAT THE *** IS THAT!!!
dropdeadlegs Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I thought you weren't going to call him today. A mere minutes ago you didn't care anymore. You like drama, don't you? You have some control over how much is in your life and appear to be choosing to partake in it. Did you ask him why he doesn't think it's a good idea to see each other Saturday?
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 No I hate drama....but it always seem to follow me!! Yes I asked him why he doesn't think it's a good idea to see each other Saturday and he told me he needs time and that he is stressed out...I dont know what to do....I hate my life!
dropdeadlegs Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 You're killing me! Put your party shoes back on and go paint the town red. Just don't drive. Tomorrow you can even celebrate your anniversary if you want. His loss if he is too stressed out, right? I'm sorry he has disappointed you, though. It's hard to see at times, but you can control your happiness more than you think. It's not as tied to this man as you might believe.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 You're killing me! Put your party shoes back on and go paint the town red. Just don't drive. Tomorrow you can even celebrate your anniversary if you want. His loss if he is too stressed out, right? I'm sorry he has disappointed you, though. It's hard to see at times, but you can control your happiness more than you think. It's not as tied to this man as you might believe. Thanks that means alot...I just dont know what to do!!
mikicmikido Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Why did you call him today? What did you want to know? Isn't he at work again?
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Why did you call him today? What did you want to know? Isn't he at work again? I dont know why I called him....I just wanted to hear his voice and see how is day was going...yes he's at work...he wasnt mad that I called. thats a good thing....I just want to know whats going on...there has to be more then what he is tell me...I feel like Im in left feild
mikicmikido Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 Personally I agree with you, however to him, you are being kind of high maintenance and pressuring. Not good when he claims to be stressed and so on. Cut it out.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Personally I agree with you, however to him, you are being kind of high maintenance and pressuring. Not good when he claims to be stressed and so on. Cut it out. Thanks I started to feel nuts!!! I dont know if I should take down our pictures and toss somethings....It kills me to seem them....
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