SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Hi Everyone, I need a little advise and have no one to turn too... here is the deal.... Im 26 and he's going to be 30 in July. We have a wonderful relationship overall (little fights here and there who doesnt), and we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary on saturday, we both know that we love each other. I know it hasnt been easy for him (his mother is sick...in and out of the hospital) I was I diagnosed with cervical cancer and had to have surgery (he was there for me every step of the way) and now I'm tring and be there for him however I think he feels that I'm suffocating him... Aaaaanyway, in the past month, I feel like he has been pulling away from me. I try and get him to talk to me and find out what is bothering him but he wont tell me. Friday night we went out with his friends and they got into an altercation (He is a calm guy, not a tough guy he was sticking up for his friend) it ended up with him knocking some guy out. We all started to leave before the cops and when walking to the door he ran into another one of his friends that he hasnt seen in a couple years and when I turned around...I lost them....I waited and looked around but I didnt see him...so I texted him with "where are you" like 2 mins later he wrote back outside...I then left and started to walk to the car and no one was there...so I called and he flipped out on me for not following him out and I got pissed off and flipped out as well....he hung up on me....so I got into my car and left (yes I was wasted and should not have been driving (he knew that)) I had no idea where I was and of course there had to be a detour to make matters worse. Aaaaanyway to make a long story short I ended up calling one of my friends and they helped me find my way. I called him a couple times during that time and we would just yell and hangup...One of his friends started to drive him to my house and they stopped at taco bell and thats when he told me to meet him there...so I did..... We talked and we both vented and had makeup sex. Everything was great we spent the whole day together on Saturday. Easter unfortunately we went our seperate ways with our families. I ended up talking to him later that night around 10ish however when he called I was on the other line with my friend John, but I picked up anyway and put him on hold why I got off the phone with John. When I came back to his line I asked me who it was......and I paused and Lied and told him it was my friends ex b/f....(NO IDEA WHY I DID THIS, HE KNOWS JOHN AND I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR HIM) he reads me very well and knew I was telling a little whitelie and flipped out.... He told me he wanted to kool off and he will talk to me in the morning....I agreed....but ever since then things havent been the same....Monday he wouldnt answer my calls, emails, he wont text me back nothing....Yesterday we talked (40 mins) and I thought that I was making some progress I called him around 10:30 and left a voicemail and no answer, no text no nothing....(We always say goodnight to each other before going to bed). Now today I sent him a text... I wrote: "will you talk to me, and tell me whats going on babe? I want to help" he wrote back: "Im in a bad place mentally right now. I want time alone" I wrote back: "you where there for me let me try and help babe! Dont push me away" He wrote: " Iwant to be alone. That will help me right now. Can you do that for me?" I wrote: " if that is what you want! What do I do in the mean time? Do I move on, or wait?" He wrote: "its your life do what you want" I wrote: "Do I have a b/f?" He wrote: " I need time. No more texts." What do I do??? Someone PLEASE help me....do I treat this like a break up and move on...or do I wait and pray he comes around? I have been doing nothing but crying I havent been to work all week...and I dont know what to do..... SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE HELP!!!
Poboy Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 i think you need to give this guy his space. there is a lot of miscommunication between the two of you and at different instances , he has done things to piss you off and vice versa. acc to me , he is having doubts about you and the relationship and wants his space to think things over. everbody is different , during your illness he was there but in his bad phase , he doesnt want you to be there... so you should respect that and let him do so . BUT do not dissapear away totally ... be there now and then just so that he knows you are around and try not to get get on his bad side by lying or something ... be honest like you would do in a serious relationship & be mature in this considering this is serious for him and you considering his 30's approaching and im sure he has maariage on his mind.
LuminousZ Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 he reads me very well and knew I was telling a little whitelie and flipped out.... This is the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.., With all the stress he's dealing with you add to it by "telling a little white lie" as you prefer to phrase your deception(s). Why would you think talking to your friends ex b/f at 10ish make your boyfriend feel special?? I would back away from you as well as you are clearly NOT considerate of your SO's feelings.
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 1. When fight is over grab your SO by arm and hold him to escort you out. When you get lost it looks like you dont care what happend, dont care about your guy etc.. Its lots of adrenalin this fight...sure he was pissed off when you complicated escape by getting lost like some child:rolleyes: He is tough;) 2. Is John gay? Or your girlfriends ex? How would you feel if your guy was babbling on phone with some girls? Disrespect, disloyalty. And you know that, thats b/c you lied. And its even worse. 3. You lied to him and he knows it. And you ask him how can you help him? You know it. Apologize and clear things out!!! 'Im sorry babe for that call with another guy. He called and I dont have heart to tell him off. I was worried about you when punched that guy, I didnt know you are such a tough man.' 4. If you cant be without other poor guys attention, please when your SO sees you talking to them, roll eyes and do some face.
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 This is the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.., With all the stress he's dealing with you add to it by "telling a little white lie" as you prefer to phrase your deception(s). Why would you think talking to your friends ex b/f at 10ish make your boyfriend feel special?? I would back away from you as well as you are clearly NOT considerate of your SO's feelings. I dont understand how she cant see that?
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 It was so dumb of me to lie!! I had no reason to do it! I told him I was sorry! I was just afraid that he would of gotten mad at me for talking to another guy so late and I was sacred. I did reversed the situation and hence why I lied not to get him upset! I know that was dumb and childish of me because I have nothing to hide from him! I love this man, and he is the only man in my life! Now he shut me out because of this…I know I’m not a good girlfriend but I was trying... As for me "getting lost liek a child" I didnt...I turned around and he was gone. I was wasted and I'm only 5'1' and weight about 100lbs. the place was packed it wasnt my fault. I lost track of were he went.....
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 i think you need to give this guy his space. there is a lot of miscommunication between the two of you and at different instances , he has done things to piss you off and vice versa. acc to me , he is having doubts about you and the relationship and wants his space to think things over. everbody is different , during your illness he was there but in his bad phase , he doesnt want you to be there... so you should respect that and let him do so . BUT do not dissapear away totally ... be there now and then just so that he knows you are around and try not to get get on his bad side by lying or something ... be honest like you would do in a serious relationship & be mature in this considering this is serious for him and you considering his 30's approaching and im sure he has maariage on his mind. So you think we still are together? I see this as him breaking up with me!? I was going to totally dissapear...I was going to go into no contact, and only talk to him when he talks to me... I'm so mad...I'm about to call my ex
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 It was so dumb of me to lie!! I had no reason to do it! I told him I was sorry! I was just afraid that he would of gotten mad at me for talking to another guy so late and I was sacred. I did reversed the situation and hence why I lied not to get him upset! I know that was dumb and childish of me because I have nothing to hide from him! I love this man, and he is the only man in my life! Now he shut me out because of this…I know I’m not a good girlfriend but I was trying... As for me "getting lost liek a child" I didnt...I turned around and he was gone. I was wasted and I'm only 5'1' and weight about 100lbs. the place was packed it wasnt my fault. I lost track of were he went..... Tell him that you love him then!!! He thinks you care only about yourself and your ego. Be a giver. btw you shut out yourself. He didnt even mentioned break up, you did;) You have to come back with apology. I turned around and he was gone. I was wasted and I'm only 5'1' and weight about 100lbs. the place was packed it wasnt my fault. I lost track of were he went That was exactly how I got lost when I was 5:D It was my fault...I should have hold some parents hand:D
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 So you think we still are together? I see this as him breaking up with me!? I was going to totally dissapear...I was going to go into no contact, and only talk to him when he talks to me... I'm so mad...I'm about to call my ex :D :D You dont love him;) Please do call your ex or whoever. Stop crying, playing a "dumped" victim and realize you worked pretty hard to be dumped last few days.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 Tell him that you love him then!!! He thinks you care only about yourself and your ego. Be a giver. btw you shut out yourself. He didnt even mentioned break up, you did;) You have to come back with apology. That was exactly how I got lost when I was 5:D It was my fault...I should have hold some parents hand:D I did tell him that I love him! I told him I was sorry and that I love him 917348213892173912831293 times!!!! Reread his text messages: I wrote: "will you talk to me, and tell me whats going on babe? I want to help" he wrote back: "Im in a bad place mentally right now. I want time alone" I wrote back: "you where there for me let me try and help babe! Dont push me away" He wrote: " Iwant to be alone. That will help me right now. Can you do that for me?" I wrote: " if that is what you want! What do I do in the mean time? Do I move on, or wait?" He wrote: "its your life do what you want" I wrote: "Do I have a b/f?" He wrote: " I need time. No more texts." I'm reading all that as we are over!!! What is it to a guys mind? This saturday we would have been together for a year.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 :D :D You dont love him;) Please do call your ex or whoever. Stop crying, playing a "dumped" victim and realize you worked pretty hard to be dumped last few days. Stop being mean to me!!!!! I never stated that I was good at being a g/f
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Stop being mean to me!!!!! I never stated that I was good at being a g/f What you wrote was mean. Nobodys perfect. But some people do try against odds and their ego.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 What you wrote was mean. Nobodys perfect. But some people do try against odds and their ego. I guess....I just dont know if I should move on and try to start getting over him or if I should give him time....What do you all think?????
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I did tell him that I love him! I told him I was sorry and that I love him 917348213892173912831293 times!!!! That was not in your messages;) Reread his text messages: I wrote: "will you talk to me, and tell me whats going on babe? I want to help" You dont know whats going on? You know whats going know. You play dumb, which hurts him even more. he wrote back: "Im in a bad place mentally right now. I want time alone" I wrote back: "you where there for me let me try and help babe! Dont push me away" He wrote: " Iwant to be alone. That will help me right now. Can you do that for me?" You were in hospital. He is in bad place b/c of you. He is angry b/c of you so he doesnt want to spend his day listening to how he is silly, jealous guy and nothing really happend, when it did. And guys need to be alone time to time. I wrote: " if that is what you want! What do I do in the mean time? Do I move on, or wait?" You are EJECTING here. Instead of apology you suggest break up. He wrote: "its your life do what you want" Make a decision. You want me, fight for me. If you are lazy or ego-scared leave. I wrote: "Do I have a b/f?" He wrote: " I need time. No more texts." You are annoying at this point. All you care about is if you have boyfriend. Why asking? You want him. Why doubts? You should say 'Please call me when you think it through. Please bare in mind I love you and want be better g/f. And sorry about me lieing to you.'
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I guess....I just dont know if I should move on and try to start getting over him or if I should give him time....What do you all think????? I think you still have a b/f. If you want to play it right, give him a few days and write him some simple apology with 'I miss you'. If you want to play it safe and dont want to lose any minute of your life b/c of him....call your ex.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 OH MY GOD!!! You are right!!! I'M SO DUMB!! :mad: What do I do now...should I text him or should Iwrite him Tomorrow, Friday, Sat? I'm scared he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I just really hate this crap!!! I just want to know if he wants to breakup or not so I can start healing if he wants nothing to do with me. I'm trying so hard not to contact him today!!!! I havent spoken with him since 8am EST I really have no clue what's going on in his head.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 I think you still have a b/f. If you want to play it right, give him a few days and write him some simple apology with 'I miss you'. If you want to play it safe and dont want to lose any minute of your life b/c of him....call your ex. Hope you are right! I see myself spending the rest of my life w/this man! The girls on the breakup board, and my girl friends thought that we are over....you are the first person to say we arent
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Hope you are right! I see myself spending the rest of my life w/this man! The girls on the breakup board, and my girl friends thought that we are over....you are the first person to say we arent Write him tomorrow. Just no heavy shyt. Ask him if he is OK. Tell him you know you made a mistake and disrespected him and that you are sorry. You like him very much and it troubles you that you add up to his problems. There are too approaches 1. Clingy needy one....I cant be without you. You have to forgive me. Drama, drama, drama....it freaks him out. 2. Forgive me or I go. It sounds confident but in fact its ego-protecting approach of the weak. 3. Honest communication with well balanced approach.' I made a mistake. It was disrespectuful and selfish of me. Im really sorry. I thought you should know I care about you a lot.Are you OK?' And shut up. Let him think it through. It will tell him you are honest, non selfish, no egomaniac, no emotional blackmail. I believe you are OK. You was pretty hard on yourself here;) You are strong and good person. Make him feel it.
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 Write him tomorrow. Just no heavy shyt. Ask him if he is OK. Tell him you know you made a mistake and disrespected him and that you are sorry. You like him very much and it troubles you that you add up to his problems. There are too approaches 1. Clingy needy one....I cant be without you. You have to forgive me. Drama, drama, drama....it freaks him out. 2. Forgive me or I go. It sounds confident but in fact its ego-protecting approach of the weak. 3. Honest communication with well balanced approach.' I made a mistake. It was disrespectuful and selfish of me. Im really sorry. I thought you should know I care about you a lot.Are you OK?' And shut up. Let him think it through. It will tell him you are honest, non selfish, no egomaniac, no emotional blackmail. I believe you are OK. You was pretty hard on yourself here;) You are strong and good person. Make him feel it. Well I made a mistake and I called him at work....he is pissed that I called him at work....and told me he'll call me later...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
DanielMadr Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Well I made a mistake and I called him at work....he is pissed that I called him at work....and told me he'll call me later...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Dont hurry it. Be respectful. Give him some space. Wanting to solve the situation immediately is selfish. Do some meditating;)
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 Dont hurry it. Be respectful. Give him some space. Wanting to solve the situation immediately is selfish. Do some meditating;) I guess. . Its just so hard. . .I'm going to try really hard not to call, text, or email him today! Anyone have any tips for me???? *Whoever is reading this please say a prayer that I can have the strength to do it!!!! DANIELMADR ~ Thank you for all your help!!!
DanielMadr Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 I guess. . Its just so hard. . .I'm going to try really hard not to call, text, or email him today! Anyone have any tips for me???? *Whoever is reading this please say a prayer that I can have the strength to do it!!!! DANIELMADR ~ Thank you for all your help!!! Youre welcome. Remember its not as much about what or when one say something but about ones attitude. Keep your head cool and honest and you will do nice.
kribby Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Stop being mean to me!!!!! I never stated that I was good at being a g/f WHAT! Daniel is not being mean to you... you are asking for advice about saving a relationship and now you are like... 'OH I am going to call my ex'. You really don't need a relationship with your 'boyfriend' you are ridiculous.
kribby Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 I think you still have a b/f. If you want to play it right, give him a few days and write him some simple apology with 'I miss you'. If you want to play it safe and dont want to lose any minute of your life b/c of him....call your ex. Good CLEAR advice. That's what I was going to say-- but I am coffee deficient so I didn't come up with it!!!!
Author SLEEPLESS IN NJ Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 I know Daniel wasnt being mean...I just snapped sorry I'm still upset with all this crap...and I was jsut taking it out on poor Daniel....(SORRY DANIEL) Now to make matters worse when i called him last night he told me he's not mad at me, its him...what the hell is that....he stated that he has a lot going on and is stressed out.... This ****en sucks.................
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