claudia2000ca Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Im only 19 and ive been with my Bf for 2 years, hes an amazing guy, he respects me and would not dare to cheat on me, but ever since i started dating him ive been insecure. He likes blondes and thinks Maria Sharapova the tennis player is really hot, he often jokes about how he thinks russian women are the most beautiful women in the world and im not russian im cuban and so is he....I know he does it to get me mad cause for some reason he enjoys seeing me mad.but its stupid and he does it as a joke but it hurts because im always comparing myself to european girls and what do they have that i dont. At work people are always asking me if im russian or polish because for some reason , to them, i look european but it doent make me feel any better. Im blonde but not natural blonde. Any how my real issue here is the fact that we've been two years and we dont go to clubs or to parties, just because if i see a reallypretty girl there ill get really scared that he might look at her or wish he was with her...so i get all fustrated about it and would not let myself enjoy the time with him. stupid huh? I get compliments from so many people of how pretty I am...and how i should be a model and this and that, but to me it means absolutely nothing.My family makes me feel good about myself, but i just want to be perfect for my BF If he goes to the movies with his brother who is single and obsessed about girls i would get worried, even though i know i trust him. We always fight about stupid things ...he tells me that he's changed so much when he started to go out with me because before he used to be always going out alone with all his friends and stuff (back in cuba) and now here in Canada all he does is spend time with me (all we do is go to the movies, go to dinner, go out with our parents and thats it) we've never been to a club together or even with friends, Because I dont allow it., he doesnt even have any female friends and when he talks to girl like at school and stuff i question him about it ..but not like spycho im just like whos that" if we go to the mall im always nervous seeing who is around and looking at him to see who he's looking at. I know i have problems, Im the type of girl that is always dressing nice, wearing makeup, doing my hair wou know looking good for my guy... he's been really supportive with me and knows my problem but id like to know what people think and what you think i should do. I know I cant keep him blind folded because there are gonna be pretty blondes with green eyes everywhere but its just that i cant learn how to cope with it. Help thanks:rolleyes:
whadafuxup Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I think that you just need to simply sit him down and explain to him why you don't like his comments that he makes. I also think that you shouldn't worry about him being around other women, if you know that he won't cheat on you why would that matter, he is devoted to YOU and only YOU
Author claudia2000ca Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 Hey Wadafuxup Ive tried so many times to tell him that it hurts me because it make me have a low self esteem when he makes those comments and it makes me compare myself to them, but he always like I do it to see if you get tired of it and let it go, he wants me to be more secure about myself and trust him, he's very supportive I cant complain. Maybe he is right ill just get tired of it and laugh when he makes those comments. Also its not him being around women thats the problem, cause i know that he wont check them out or even flurt with them, but back in my mind when i see a pretty blonde girl walk by us, i automatically start thinking that shes prettier, taller and sexier than me and that thats the type of girl my bf is looking for, not me. He says he wouldnt give up anything he has for a prettier girl but i cant help but think that thats the perfect girl for him, one who is tall, cause BTW he likes tall girls and im 5'3 and he's 6'2 so i question him and ask him that if he likes tall women so much then why the hell is he with me then.? and his answer is always that he's joking and that he loves me. But ive talked to him soo many times about it, And also when he goes to college for the aviation program, i know he's gonna be 15 min away from my house by car, but he'll be staying in residence there, and i talk to him so many times about how he's gonna find the perfect girl there by the fact that he's gonna meet new people and it makes me soo sad ! any advise?
knaveman Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 This sound WAY too familiar. Look, you're young and have plenty of time to find a good guy, don't settle for anything that doesn't give you what you want. Stand up for your self and don't take that sh** from anyone, even if you're dating them. Men aren't supposed to treat you bad, they're supposed to treat you like their queen. If you don't find that move on. Why do women always stay with guys that treat them so badly? Yes, I am a nice guy who is also bitter about being single because I don't get it. I won't put up with sh** from anyone, so why do so many other people do it? AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Author claudia2000ca Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 This sound WAY too familiar. Look, you're young and have plenty of time to find a good guy, don't settle for anything that doesn't give you what you want. Stand up for your self and don't take that sh** from anyone, even if you're dating them. Men aren't supposed to treat you bad, they're supposed to treat you like their queen. If you don't find that move on. Why do women always stay with guys that treat them so badly? Yes, I am a nice guy who is also bitter about being single because I don't get it. I won't put up with sh** from anyone, so why do so many other people do it? AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Why do women always stay with guys that treat them so badly? Yes, I am a nice guy who is also bitter about being single because I don't get it. I won't put up with sh** from anyone, so why do so many other people do it? AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! my Bf does not treat me badly he's very understanding and knows how I feel he just wants me to get over my insecurities and love myself the way i should. Making comments about other women , again , he does it so I can get mad and so he can laugh at me, and in return he expects me to laugh with him and have a great time not get mad and start crying. My only problem and the reason I wrote here is for people to help understand why i get insecure when i see pretty girls when Im with my bf and how to act when im surrounded by them infront of my bf....thats all! Cause in my head im always thinking " oh is he looking at her" or " I bet that blonde girl is the type he likes" and then i get sad and pick up a fight with him for no reason or I limit myself to go to those places....Can u please give me your advice from a guys perspective Thanks:)
Guest Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 I think you need to work on your own self esteem.. No matter how beautiful you are to other people it doesn't seem like YOU think you are beautiful or else you wouldn't be comparing yourself to other girls. Maybe it is your man who is making you feel not good enough or insecure... you say he is supportive. He probalbly is trying to help you get over your insecuritiies but tell him that the way he is doing it is not working. You need to look at your own beauty because you are beautiful and i guarentee you that those girls you think are so beautiful don't feel that way all the time. My ex bf is a polish man and i'm an italian girl...he used to make me feel so insecure about myself i was always checking out other girls thinking he would rather be with someone like them...i had the same thoughts you had.... he wants to be with her...she;s prettier than me... he wants me to look like her... why can;t i be blonde, blue eyes,different body, european...these feelings came about when i lived with him in poland for 6 months.... we broke up and i have never felt better about myself... my ex never said he wanted them and he always tried to make me feel better about myself or tell me that i'm crazy for thinking this way but in conversation he would mention how HOTT this girl was or something like that and that really really hurt me ... the little comments got in my head and i blew them out of proportion and LET IT AFFECT ME... Once we broke up and i came back home i realized that i dont have to compare myself to anyone. Maybe it was his little comments that made me feel insecure or maybe it was HIM and OUR RELATIONSHIP that made me feel insecure. Funny thing is my new boyfriend and i talk about other girls and them being attractive but the strange thing is it doesn't make me feel insecure and i dont know exactly why that is...but it is natural that your partner will find other girls attractive as you will find other men attractive but you have to realize that does not mean it threatens your relationship. No body looks like me...and nobody looks like you... okay sexy cubaba?? hope this helps a little
Author claudia2000ca Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Thankssss:D so much for your reply...Sometimes I cant seem to understand why guys are like that, like yes i find guys attractive but i dont look at them while im with my bf, or even think about them. I guess that it works both ways. This past weekend me and my bf almost split up cause of my insecurities so I desided to change for GOOD, Im going to start loving myself and to forget about my surroundings and concentrate on me and my man. It will be tough at the beginning but i know I can learn and get through this. Im glad you wrote me and it makes me fell a lot better, No matter how hot other girls might be, back in my mind we I to think that nobody is better than me. I know it sound cocky (dont get me wrong) but in order to bring selfesteem up onesef has to think like that. And like you said "No one looks like and no one looks like you." There could be millions of girls with blue eyes and blond hair, and we might not be physically like that but Hell we got other qualities that bring out the beauty within us! Thanks sexy italiana!
Aloros Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I agree that you need to work on your self-esteem. If people are telling you that you're beautiful, you probably ARE beautiful. There are a lot of beautiful people out there, and yes, there will be people who are more beautiful than you. So what, right? Behind all these beautiful faces are people who are very different from you. Your boyfriend loves you for YOU, not just your pretty face. It's not as simple as boyfriend meets someone prettier, dumps you for someone prettier. He's got to meet her, woo her, she has to like him, he has to like her personality, and he has to be a jerk since he's wooing another woman on your watch. Is your bf a jerk? From what you say, no. So what are you worrying about? If the above scenario occurs, and he dumps you, then you know he's a jerk and wasn't worth your time in the first place. I think a relationship is much easier when you're secure in yourself and in your value. My bf and I both comment on who we think looks good, but there's no substance to it, only a superficial judgement. It's like admiring a nice painting. Neither of us is thinking "I want to leave my SO for so-and-so". We consider ourselves lucky in love, so if one of us leaves for someone else, he/she is just screwing up a good thing. If he's going to leave you, he's going to leave you. You can't isolate him from the outside world. Chances are his interactions with other women will likely make him think "Boy am I lucky!" and he'll just appreciate you more. I go places without my bf. I go to bars and parties without my bf. I talk to other men. Most of my friends are men. I even think some of them are good-looking, but I would never ever consider dating them, for various reasons. My bf is first and foremost in my heart and mind and I would never do anything to mess up what we have. I know the same thing applies to him. Quit stressing. Relationships are supposed to be fun and enriching (and yes, a little bit of work). Stop bringing yourself down. Ask yourself "What's the worst that could happen?" Follow that to its conclusion and you'll realize, you know what? It wouldn't be the end of the world. Good luck!
Author claudia2000ca Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Thanks so much for your reply, you dont know how much better I Feel now! and you are right. Like you said that people say Im beautiful and I dont cosider myself ugly nor drop dead gorgeous but its just that I have to look at myself from a different perspective and less judgemental about who I am, cause I know that I can offer my bf more than any other girl can and he knows that. The thing you said about going without your bf to clubs and parties, we have a rule: if we are not with eachother we cant go...not because we dont trust eachother but if I go without him i would feel bad and so would he without neither of us there. We like to have fun with eachother and I know we both need our spaces...and time alone with friends. But we rather have fun together including our friends, But dont get me wrong its just clubs and parties, other places he can go without me. Maybe one day it will change but thats how we feel right now! lol:love: How will interactions with other women will make him think "boy am I lucky"??? Cause I have no clue! lol But anyways thanks again for your comment. and I am gonna try to enjoy my relationship with him. He's an amazing guy, he likes me for me and not for the way I look I cant ask him for more. Its just senarios that I make up in my mind and I actually start believeing something that is not real!
Aloros Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I'd think that his interactions with other women would make him feel like he's lucky to have you, because these other women aren't like you, and he LOVES you. I know what you mean about making up scenarios. I have the fattest, most awful overactive imagination ever. It's been a lot of hard work to shut it down when it's not helping me, and I'm not always successful! I always try to take a step back and be rational. It helps to calm down, and to do something else. I try to apply logic to the situation, and the end result is always "Hm...I'm thinking a little crazy here." or "Wow am I getting worked up over nothing!" It's part of what makes you you, and it's ok, but it does help to recognize when it's hurting rather than helping you.
Author claudia2000ca Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 I know exactly what you mean! And God sometimes Im like I dont know what he's thinking to put up with me for the past two years and gosh Am i lucky to have someone like him because another guy would have just cut me off. And let me tell you that if a week has 7 days 6 out of those 7 we were arguing about everything. So now I haver to stop and Im much happier now, its been a week since we havent faught not even over the phone and Im so releived and glad. Another thing...lets say that we are at a restaurant and a girl thats the type of girl he likes Tall, blonde, russian, and pretty is sitting at another table how should I react? Cause the funny thing is he might not even noticed that shes there and when i look at her Im looking at her more than he is...just to see if shes looking a my bf!
Author claudia2000ca Posted April 26, 2007 Author Posted April 26, 2007 Another thing...lets say that we are at a restaurant and a girl thats the type of girl he likes Tall, blonde, russian, and pretty is sitting at another table how should I react? Cause the funny thing is he might not even noticed that shes there and when i look at her Im looking at her more than he is...just to see if shes looking a my bf!
VirtualInsanity Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 My only problem and the reason I wrote here is for people to help understand why i get insecure when i see pretty girls when Im with my bf and how to act when im surrounded by them infront of my bf....thats all! Cause in my head im always thinking " oh is he looking at her" or " I bet that blonde girl is the type he likes" and then i get sad and pick up a fight with him for no reason or I limit myself to go to those places.... I'm not a guy but I know what your saying. Have you told him how you felt about his comments?
Author claudia2000ca Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 My Bf knows somewhat how I feel cause if I tell him my situation he's just gonna laugh and call me stupid (in a good way;) ) for believing that. In someways I understand his reaction because a girl has to be secure about herself no matter what and specially when guys think a secure woman is sexy. I know that sometimes i over react for no reason over something thats not even true. But thanks to the comments that I have received here Ive learned to love myself and appreciate the relationship me and my bf have. I know there are somethings that i still need to work on, for example the senario that I posted earlier today about the restaurant! I guess I justhave to take control of that and laugh it off!
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Judging by your avatar, you have nothing to worry about. You look great so don't stress about it. The type of guy who would stray is just not worth the heartache. I do know this from experience.
Recommended Posts