mahealani06 Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Hi Everyone.. This is probably going to be the longest post you will ever read.. if you do take the time to read it, thank you. I've been with my husband for 11 years now. Married 1 year and with him for 10. We have two beautiful children. When we first started dating life was real good. We both worshiped the ground that each other walked on, life was awesome. We were both very considerate of each others feelings and truly loved each other. Then my husband started drinking, smoking meth, and he even cheated on me. That was all within the 3-5 year of being with each other. I've forgiven him for cheating on me, I suggested him getting treatment for his drinking and smoking meth (in which he went reluctantly but he did it) Which was a total sucess up until 9-11 year of being with each other. Now he is always at the bar drinking our money away, hanging out with his friends and even calling me up to pick up our kids from school becuase he would rather hang out with his friends at the bar. I'm sooo to the point of wanting a divorce but I'm very nervous of being alone. I've heard from other divorced couples that they regret getting a divorce cause "it wasnt all that bad" in there marriage. My whole thinking is a realtionship shouldnt be this hard!!!! Am I wrong.. I've always been there for the family, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, keeping the family's activities going, etc etc. I'm a great wife and mother, I just can't see why he doesnt think so. After a night at the bar he comes home and he is a total ass. Sometimes he calls me names, or he is loud and obnoxious, in the past (years ago) he use to get violent, not towards me physically but he can be very verbally abusive when he is drunk. I've just been feeling really disgusted with him lately, I cringe when he tries to have sex with me.. It's horrible.. I dont want this kind of marriage. I truly beleive that I deserve better and I shouldnt put up with his **** but for the sake of my kids I stay with him. ughh I know that sounds so pathetic but it's true. If I didnt have any kids I would have been gone a long time ago. Dont get me wrong, I do love him, but his drinking has gotten on my last nerve. I've tried talking to him about it and he always appoligizes and says he's done with drinking but then he is good for a week and he is right back at it. We both work, I make decent money so I know I could do it on my own but unfortunatly we have two loans "both are for his vehicles"out and of course we are both responsible for the payment of the loans, I know he is not responsible enough to make the payments on his own if I was to leave him. So then he would jeporodize my credit.. What to do!! I feel really stuck!! Does anyone out there have a suggestion. I've done all the talking I can.. I feel like a broken record/nagging wife, that never gets the acknoledgement that I deserve.. ugg living with a alcholic sucks!!!!
Gunny376 Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Walk ~ just that plain, just that simple! I don't know what you call this ~ but it isn't marriage.
sumdude Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I was on the other side of this with my soon to be ex wife. My drinking was gettin to her for a while. In my case I did most of my drinking at home, was mostly just depressed. Never mean obnoxious or abusive. Either way it pretty much killed the marriage. My wife suddenly moved out and I did a total turn around. Thing is that in the end it didn't matter and the marriage is over. The only one who can stop the drinking is the drinker. The only way he'll stop is if he 'hits bottom'. Whatever that turns out to be for him. In my case it was my wife moving out. You have to start doing things for yourself and detaching from him and his problems. Prepare yourself to leave or have him leave. See what you will have to do to take total control of payments on one vehicle etc. Start acting now instead of living in desperation. If he has the potential to be violent then you really have to be careful and ready to act. You have no control whatsoever of the drinking and have to accept that. Neither does he at the moment.
umbo Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 To Gunny and sumdue I am distressed at both your advice on this matter However to some extent still a fan of your views. Mehealani You deserve your old husband back who worshipped the ground you walk on. I assure you you are still his princess and the most valuable relationship he has lets just get him back to treatment. It worked before it will work again you are not alone. There is help, there is a cure, there is relief, there is restoration there will be improvement in your situation. Starting now!!! You can do it easy I suggest quickly get Dr. Ellen Kreidman light his fire light her fire cd's she also has many other resources for you online. Secondly as I mentioned before lets get your husband back to treatment asap he has to go he has to be convince. Your are fighting for your marriage your family your husband Rally and mobilize your strength and talents to combat these evil pressures and forces. Use the internet to find more resources. "strength and honor" good luck
Gunny376 Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 You deal with additcts the same way you train a mule ~ you whack them upside the head with a 2 X 4 first to get their attention! Zero tolerance!
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