wildflower02 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Well i was dating the best guy I've ever had. We had great communication, good, realistic views of each other, neither of us having our heads in the clouds, we were friends first and things had really been going strong the past three weeks since we went on a weekend trip together. I wanted to talk about committing, but he said he wanted to take it slow, so i didnt want ot push. In my moments of insecurity in the beginning i had seen one ex 2x, and three weeks ago right before our vacation, another ex came into the picture and we slept together. What a mistake. At first decided not to tell, it was my mistake and a bad way for me to deal with my insecurities. I decided to tell him about both guys a few days ago. I thought we could get htrough it, but he said its over, but wants to be good friends. we are still in contact as much as we were when we were dating. he said he thought we werent seeing other people, and that he didnt want to either. i said we never talked about it and i felt like i was on trial and he wasnt sure about me and thats a main reason i got mixed up with the other guys. Do you guys think that he'll give me a second chance? How does a couple get through this sorta thing? it wasnt cheating exactly, but it was hurtful and he said i broke his trust and that he was disappointed in me, and said i must have no will. any advise would be appreciated. thanks!
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Well i was dating the best guy I've ever had. We had great communication, good, realistic views of each other, neither of us having our heads in the clouds, we were friends first and things had really been going strong the past three weeks since we went on a weekend trip together. I wanted to talk about committing, but he said he wanted to take it slow, so i didnt want ot push. In my moments of insecurity in the beginning i had seen one ex 2x, and three weeks ago right before our vacation, another ex came into the picture and we slept together. What a mistake. At first decided not to tell, it was my mistake and a bad way for me to deal with my insecurities. I decided to tell him about both guys a few days ago. I thought we could get htrough it, but he said its over, but wants to be good friends. we are still in contact as much as we were when we were dating. he said he thought we werent seeing other people, and that he didnt want to either. i said we never talked about it and i felt like i was on trial and he wasnt sure about me and thats a main reason i got mixed up with the other guys. Do you guys think that he'll give me a second chance? How does a couple get through this sorta thing? it wasnt cheating exactly, but it was hurtful and he said i broke his trust and that he was disappointed in me, and said i must have no will. any advise would be appreciated. thanks! Out of insecurity? If you would love that guy you wouldnt sleep with your ex and he knows it. Worse...you give him your burden by confessing. You should be quiet next time even about your past etc. Guys cant forgive you like Jesus can He now thinks you have pretty bad integrity. I dont think he will take you back. Move on and work on your insecurities....I believe that sex havent cured them right?
Vera_Louise Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Well....you made the crucial mistake of telling him you slept with two guys while you were dating him. Now...it is fine if you do that because he had not asked you to be exclusive yet...so why did you feel the need to tell him? You basically blew it and there's nothing you can do to salvage it. At least you know for next time. DON'T SPILL. I still don't get why you did that.
LoveLace Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 It reminds me of that Friends episode "We were on a break!!"...technically, since you 2 never did agree to committment, you were both still free to do what you want - but even then you can hurt each other's feelings by hooking up with other people, and you still expect faithfullness to an extent. He probably figured if you were capable of doing this early on, then you might be just as capable later. Maybe through being "good friends" you can somehow earn his trust back again, but it sounds as though his mind is made up. Doesn't seem like much of a "second chance" kind of dude. In the future, when your unsure about the status of a relationship and pursue other encounters, keep it to yourself!
Topper Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Hes just pissed because he wasn't getting any and you were. Keep your lines of communications open. I am sure that in the near future he is going to make his own confession. You will have to sit there and take the pain. He might come around he may not. If your willing to invest the time he may forgive you. Now can you forgive yourself?
Vera_Louise Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Hes just pissed because he wasn't getting any and you were. Keep your lines of communications open. I am sure that in the near future he is going to make his own confession. You will have to sit there and take the pain. He might come around he may not. If your willing to invest the time he may forgive you. Now can you forgive yourself? Forgive herself for what? She didn't do anything wrong (except for telling him she slept with other guys when she wasn't exclusive with him in the first place.) My guess is he wasn't that into her anyway so that's why he just wanted to be friends, he now had an out. Why are you so sure, Topper, that he has some "confession?" If he does, doesn't that make him a hypocritical idiot?
oppath Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 If I were dating girl, and we weren't exclusive, and she told me she slept with her ex boyfriend, I would dump her. It would make me feel like she is not over her ex and isn't willing to pursue a relationship with me, regardless on how serious our relationship was at that point. Other guys? I don't have that claim. But ex's? Sex with an ex is mostly a bad place to be in. As far as I am concerned, if an ex is in the picture and is not fully platonic, he is a threat. He's not competition. He is a threat. Ex's aren't ordinary dudes you are casually dating. I basically don't like girls I date to even be friends with their ex's unless they are comfortable introducing me to them, or at least mutual friends who know that ex. He was justified.
Vera_Louise Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I also think the possibility that he is gay is there. Otherwise, why would he ditch over that? you weren't exclusive anyway. I seriously think he was just using you as a cover....time for him to come out of the closet.
Vera_Louise Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 If I were dating girl, and we weren't exclusive, and she told me she slept with her ex boyfriend, I would dump her. It would make me feel like she is not over her ex and isn't willing to pursue a relationship with me, regardless on how serious our relationship was at that point. Other guys? I don't have that claim. But ex's? Sex with an ex is mostly a bad place to be in. As far as I am concerned, if an ex is in the picture and is not fully platonic, he is a threat. He's not competition. He is a threat. Ex's aren't ordinary dudes you are casually dating. I basically don't like girls I date to even be friends with their ex's unless they are comfortable introducing me to them, or at least mutual friends who know that ex. He was justified. None of that makes sense because they weren't serious or exclusive by what he said.
Vera_Louise Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 If I were dating girl, and we weren't exclusive, and she told me she slept with her ex boyfriend, I would dump her. It would make me feel like she is not over her ex and isn't willing to pursue a relationship with me, regardless on how serious our relationship was at that point. Other guys? I don't have that claim. But ex's? Sex with an ex is mostly a bad place to be in. As far as I am concerned, if an ex is in the picture and is not fully platonic, he is a threat. He's not competition. He is a threat. Ex's aren't ordinary dudes you are casually dating. I basically don't like girls I date to even be friends with their ex's unless they are comfortable introducing me to them, or at least mutual friends who know that ex. He was justified. None of that makes sense because they weren't serious or exclusive by what he said. Fact is, it wasn't his business in the first place so she shouldn't have told him anything. Anyway from his reaction, I'm pretty sure he's gay anyway and everyone is better off.
Topper Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Forgive herself for what? She didn't do anything wrong (except for telling him she slept with other guys when she wasn't exclusive with him in the first place.) My guess is he wasn't that into her anyway so that's why he just wanted to be friends, he now had an out. Why are you so sure, Topper, that he has some "confession?" If he does, doesn't that make him a hypocritical idiot? Her whole post reeks with selfguilt, not to mention some self pitty. In your opinion her crime was telling him. Not sleeping with two diffrent guys Yet she says she really likes this guy and thinks he is the best guy she ever dated. This near perfect guy who wanted to take it slow still wants her as a friend. Now he is one in a million right there. Most would have sent her packing. I'm sure he is out looking for someone he can have sex with other then her. So when he does , He just might have to tell her all about it. Childish, yes but a very human reaction. I would bet that 90% of the woman here who had been seeing someone without a commitment would dump the guy if he had sex with someone else. Not only would she dump him! She would then tell all her friends he was a lowlife dog.
Vera_Louise Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 If I am dating a guy and he tells me we are not exclusive then I assume he is going out and getting laid with other women. I don't want to know about it. Because before I sleep with him he's going to show me proof that he's gone to the doctor and is "clean" anyway. Then he's also going to use a condom for a few months. Anyway this guy is gay I'm pretty sure. That's why he jumped at the chance to "be good friends" with her. Typical gay comment. They love having the beautiful female trophy girl to serve as their beard.
melodymatters Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Whoa , that " gay card" came out of nowhere ! personally we don't know if he "really really" liked her, or just "kinda" liked her or what the damn deal is here. WE ARE HERE TO HELP. So, I do agree with the don't ask don't tell policy, where if you are not exculsive, that also means you don't need to divulge anything ! But, your big " crime" here was wanting to be honest so forgive yourself and move on. Not knowing this man, but reading many posts on here from many different types, is he a pure christian soldier kinda guy, who wants his true love to be pure as the driven snow ? In that case, you probably blew it. If he's a modern man, it was probably just a case of "too much information" from which you are now older and wiser, right ? You did not owe him loyalty in these three short months where there was never a talk of exclusivitiy, but while I would feel very comfortable going out for drinks/dinner with other guys, sleeping with all three of them in three months seems like you are not valuing your heart/mind/vagina connection enough. Good luck, whatever is meant to be, will be....
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