Wishing For a Meaning....

[Dadubwa]

My girlfriend of I had dated for 2 years before she broke up with me. We were completely different people, but for some reason became an item very fast. We broke up about a week ago, and every single hour, of every single day I'm upset. She was everything to me and I wanted nothing more than to make her happy. But she wasn't happy with me. She showed no remorse when we broke up, didn't cry once, didn't seem to care too much about how I felt. She obviously didn't care about much of our relationship at all.

 

I can't sleep, I can't eat, I hardly laugh, I cry every night, I'm so shut down, I don't go out and if I do it's to drink and then the next morning it's 100 times worse.

For some reason I used to be outgoing, when I started dating her I became quite, submissive and shy.

 

To top it off I have nothing to do where I am in my life. Literally nothing to do. I dropped out of 3 of my 5 college classes, I quit my job, I've stopped doing things I used to enjoy. I've turned to drinking almost 5 times a week, and then like I said the next morning everything about my life hurts 10 times more.

 

I feel so worthless, I feel SO hopeless, I'm hurtting so bad inside. I'm so torn up and all I want is to move on with my life and feel happy again.

 

I've lost all meaning in my life...I had lost it awhile before we broke up, and now that we have...it's 100 times worse. I need help. I'm honestly losing it.

[oppath]

Ok, what you are going through IS NORMAL following a meaningful relationship.

 

A couple things: just because your ex appeared not to care about the relationship does not mean she did not care. All the feelings she at one point expressed were real. Yes, she likely started checking out emotionally for a month or two before the breakup, that is typically how long term relationships end, and as a result, for you, it came as a total shock. You are sitting there in disbelief, probably angry that she didn't tell you what was on her mind the weeks prior. You just need to accept that this is how long term relationships usually end. It doesn't mean she didn't care or that your relationship was a lie. To think that way is distorted.

 

Secondly, this is a blessing for you. You lost yourself in some ways during the relationship. Ultimately, this will be good for you, though right now, yes, it hurts like hell.

 

Third, cut out the drinking. Go out on weekends with your friends. If you go out during the week, keep yourself to one beer or so at dinner. Alcohol is a depressant and you may have been depressed before the breakup. It won't help you feel better. It will make your emotions worse. Only drink when you are with good friends. Don't drink to mask the pain. It makes things worse.

 

Fourth, it has only been a week. Give yourself a break. Your feelings of pain and disbelief are NORMAL. They are to be expected. Be kind to yourself. You sound like a wonderful, caring man. Care for yourself. Talk to friends, family, even see a counselor if one is available to you. Exercise every day. Cut down on the drinking. Identify 2-3 things you've always wanted to do -- sailing, photography, whatever -- and find rec classes where you can do them. Make it a goal to be out of the house in a semi-social setting TWICE during the week. This will give you something to look forward to and keep your mind off things.

 

Best of luck to you. It will get better with time, but it is what you do with that time that makes the greatest impact.

[whichwayisup]

Great post reply oopath.

 

I know you're in alot of pain - Take it day by day, hour by hour if need be.

 

She did care, alot - if she didn't she wouldn't have dated you for 2 years... Sadly in life, things change and people change too. It wasn't anything you did or didn't do, so don't blame yourself.

 

Write out your pain, either on here, or on pen and paper. Even if you erase it or burn it afterwards, sometimes just venting is good for the soul...Helps you grieve and see things in a new light.

 

Hope you feel better soon!