Sylph Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I recently left my husband for the other man, and I'm curious about how good our out comes look for the future. Would you be able to trust the formerly married person not to cheat on you if they did leave for you? I've read some statistics on this at some point, but there is a LOT of anti affair propaganda, so I'm just looking for opinions. It's something pretty stigmatized, so hard to discuss elsewhere, sorry if it's a little off topic.
Izzar Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 No trust issues/problems in my situation:) It worked out for us. Hope it will for you also:)
Jinxx Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I think if you end with the right person you will do just fine in that department.
Author Sylph Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 I think it will, I guess just knowing that I'm capable of cheating worries me...and I wonder if it worries him or might bother him in the future.
Jinxx Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I think if you end up with the right person then you'll do just fine in the trust department.
Izzar Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I think it will, I guess just knowing that I'm capable of cheating worries me...and I wonder if it worries him or might bother him in the future. All of us, IMO, are capable of cheating & we are capable to choose not to cheat.
Woggle Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I would never in a million years trust a woman that cheated with me. If she did it to him she will do it to me. Nobody should ever think that they are so special that a cheater will make an exception for them.
Tomcat33 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Relationships are a work in progress ALWAYS. As someone said cheating is a choice and there are things that lead to that choice, unless of course you are a sex addict or serial cheater then we are talking a sickness. I read something interesting that said that people look to cheat when they don't feel appreciated anymore, when they feel like the person they are with no longer admires them. I have made it a promise to myself to always work hard at my relationships, the minute you let it slide anything could happen, so avoid the inevitable and always do your best. I think it can work if you are right for each other regardless of the pop psyche stats. Don't be bullied by fear propaganda just work hard at making it work.
whichwayisup Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I think it will, I guess just knowing that I'm capable of cheating worries me...and I wonder if it worries him or might bother him in the future. Then you need to work on yourself and make boundries and rules. Lines that you will never cross. If you feel unhappy in your relationship, talk about it, fix it or end it, don't cheat on your new partner. Also, YOU make the choice that you DO NOT want to cheat, and you won't. Be honest and ask him if trust is an issue.
puddleofmud Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 True, there are many statistics to back what you feel but no one is more important than your partner and your R--so be honest about how you feel with your partner. Your shared and personal honesty is unique where statistics are general. Best wishes and hope things work out for you! I recently left my husband for the other man, and I'm curious about how good our out comes look for the future. Would you be able to trust the formerly married person not to cheat on you if they did leave for you? I've read some statistics on this at some point, but there is a LOT of anti affair propaganda, so I'm just looking for opinions. It's something pretty stigmatized, so hard to discuss elsewhere, sorry if it's a little off topic.
Jinxx Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I will also add this speaking as a former BS. My ex-husband married his OW. They obviously were meant to be with each other (nobody gave them a chance in hell) and seem to be very happy. Though not quite together as long ex-husband and I were, it works for them. I highly doubt if there are any trust issues between them as they both cheated on their spouses and got through it just fine. And quite honestly, in the beginning I hoped they would fail but they have both proven beyond a doubt that they are suited for each other, more so than me and the ex but hey, it is was it is and I eventually got over it. Every situation is different. Follow your heart. Of course you will have many bumps in the road along the way but if you have that chemistry/compatability thing going on and enjoy the same hobbies, then I'm certain a bright future awaits the both you.
Author Sylph Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 It certainly is a completely different relationship, and a very honest one...but it was always my philosophy that if someone would cheat on somebody else they would do it to me... So I don't know. All I know is that while my relationship with my husband was in any way decent the thought of being with somebody else made me physically sick, and I feel the same way in my new relationship... But I am the kind of person who worries about everything I guess. I just want to be aware that this kind of behavior is now a possibility for me (something I never would have expected) and watch myself closely for signs it might happen again.
PoshPrincess Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Sylph, I am sure you're worrying about things unnecessarily although I can total understand why. I certainly don't agree with what Woggle said. I don't believe that having cheated makes someone a 'cheater'. Cheating on a regular basis makes someone a cheater. Have you cheated in previous Rs? I know what you're saying as I cheated on my ex-partner and it scares me. I don't think I will cheat again. I would hope if I felt unhappy I would try and sort things out, if not, I would leave. Before this happened I never imagined I was capable in cheating in a million years as I always feel terribly guilty about things. The thing is, I would love to have more children (I have one now) but don't feel I can trust myself to commit to one person for the rest of my life as I couldn't manage it before and I don't want to end up with two children whose Dads I have split with. Of course, I wouldn't be able to guarantee that the other person wouldn't cheat on me but that's another thing. I am having counselling to come to terms with this and other issues. I believe there is also counselling new couples can have together to ensure that they work on their R although you may not want to go down that road. It certainly isn't something I would rule out in the future though. I SO don't wanna stuff up again! Best of your luck with your new man and I hope everything works out for you.
whichwayisup Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 just want to be aware that this kind of behavior is now a possibility for me (something I never would have expected) and watch myself closely for signs it might happen again. But you can choose for this behaviour NOT to happen again. It is a choice, not something that 'just' happens like an accident.
HappyAtLast Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 That my OW did not read this before marrying me, LOL. Been married nearly forty years, I have never once stepped out on her. Once a cheater always a cheater? Hardly. Every situation is different. Be careful with those generalizations, they are not always true. I would never in a million years trust a woman that cheated with me. If she did it to him she will do it to me. Nobody should ever think that they are so special that a cheater will make an exception for them.
Woggle Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 That my OW did not read this before marrying me, LOL. Been married nearly forty years, I have never once stepped out on her. Once a cheater always a cheater? Hardly. Every situation is different. Be careful with those generalizations, they are not always true. You are the exception. Most cheaters will do it again and that is I would never marry a woman that cheated on a man and especially not one of those women who think they are entitled to it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I agree with woggle. In my young life I've had many opportunities to play the OM in the relationship. But I never stepped across that line, why because I respected their relationships and marriages. Also I could never trust her because if she'll lie and cheat on her husband to me if she get's angry and feels lonely imagine what she'll do if she's with me. They're are mad people who look at the woman as a trifling bitch and I couldnt agree more. Also what makes her guarantee I'd be faithful either. 90% of men who cheat are just looking for a piece of ass. Do you really think that man isnt gonna get tired of you when you bring your issues to the table. Come on? wake up!!!
Woggle Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I have had married women come on to me as well and I tell them to go to hell. That is a line I never crossed and never will cross. I also have women coming on to me now that I am married and again they get told to go to hell.
HappyAtLast Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I am not an exception. I am just an old man, still deeply in love with his wife. Certainly, I have been tempted. However, I would never have risked hurting her or ruining what we have. b You are the exception. Most cheaters will do it again and that is I would never marry a woman that cheated on a man and especially not one of those women who think they are entitled to it.
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