working Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Ok. I really don't even know where to begin. I guess I will start at the begining. I grew up very poor and worked extreamly hard to break the cycle of generational poverty to become the first member of my family to hold a college degree. I started dating my Fiance in High School, we broke up shortly after I left for college (HE never went to college or even graduated high school). However, we stayed friends through it all. When I was at school I met and feel in love with a guy. We moved in to an apartment togther and started to build a life. Well to finish my degree requirments I had to move to my hometown and where my ex was, while my boyfriend finished up his degree. Shortly after the move we broke it off. He and I were devestated, we loved eachother so much but were so far away and so busy we did not get to see eachother enough to keep the relationship going at that time. A while after we broke up I got back together with my ex who is my current fiance. Well now I am supposed to get married in 3 month. I am 28, he is 27. We have been dating on and off for about 10 years. We have been together consistantly for the last 3.5. We have our own house and two dogs that we treat like our kids. So everything is fine right? Not so much. I have been having doubts about this decision shortly after I made it over a year ago. Especially because he has come to this relationship after making some very bad financial decisions. Now I have worked full-time to put my self through school and am coming to this relationship with very little debt (only a little student loan). He is brining a lot of credit issues and a huge IRS Debt that is jepordizing my plans for the future. This is stressing me out. I feel like I worked so hard to stay financially stable and he is keeping me down by old debt and accuring new. I am begining to resent him for it. How important is money in a marriage? Am I over reacting? I am afraid that I gave up on the wrong relationship. I see what my life was with my ex and with my current life is like with my fiance and do not like what I see. However, I want to know if this is cold feet or a legitamate issue that I need to deal with before I make my vows. I am firmly committed to making vows and sticking to them for the rest of my life. I just need to know if I am marring the right man or if I need to meet someone else? Now if I don't get married I don't plan to run to my ex and try and reconcile. I just feel that when I was with my ex my life was going in more of the direction that I wanted. We had more of a life that I waned. I just don't want to take the wrong path. Please help!
daphne Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 working, This isn't a case of cold feet. This is called cold hard logic. If you were worried about the grass being greener, that's one thing. You are concerned about your financial future. And justifiably so. I've read a number of things on this very issue because I'm concerned that if I don't meet someone that's in the same tax bracket, I'm going to have to worry about their credit and spending habits. I'm well off so it's a big concern. I personally would not marry someone who makes such poor decisions with their finances. I believe it's an indication of who they are. Irresponsible and unaccountable. Guess what? that usually means they're that way with other things as well. Until people no longer need or want you, everyone puts on a face. But the decisions they make tell the true story of who they are. They may be making those poor decisions with you or against you. There's a lot of stuff on the internet that can help. I urge you to reconsider, however, as you have really made some solid choices and invested in your future. Don't let romance blind you to the facts. Unless he can get a handle on his spending practices, he will drag you into his mess. I would even consult an attorney to see what you are legally bound to after marriage. If he endebts himself worse, guess who is also liable? You.
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