MojoAngel Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Here's the scoop. My husband and I got together in 1988 that same year I also met another man. After all these years my husband and I are still together married with children but I am still crazy in love with the other man. I want to leave the marriage but I don't really know how to go about it. I am scared to death of him plus I have no other place to live. I have left before. The last time I left I was gone for 3 days but had no where to stay so I went home and got my ass beaten for leaving in the first place. I know my husband has been with other women. It doesn't bother me. I always thought "ok hopefully he will find somebody and leave me." but this has never happened. We haven't slept in the same room or bed for around 8 years. We dont have sex, well actually the last time it happened was a few months ago and he came into my room and just took it sort of say. The thought of him touching me makes my stumic hurt. The other man never married or never had kids. I haven't seen him in almost 10 years. We still talk and do the cyber sex thing and we are planning on meeting up with each other in a few months. I feel like my life has been such a lie because it has. I do have love for my husband we have been through so much in the passed 18 years but my heart loves and wants and craves the other man. I have been on severe depression meds for years now all because I am so mad at myself for not following my heart. I just found this site and thought maybe someone could help me understand what I have been going through all these years.
jbmarine Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Well, if he's beating you and scaring you, then I would suggest that you leave immediately. There's no excuse for domestic violence.
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I agree with JBM, leave the marriage because you're being abused, both emotionally and physically by your husband. Talk to your mom, dad, sister/bro, close friends. Go to a women's shelter, or stay with a family member. I know it's scary to leave and not know how to be without having someone in your life, but staying because you're too scared to leave isn't the right thing to do. It won't be easy, but you need to get some counselling, get stronger and find yourself again...Then, go pursue the OM. Don't get involved with him right now because you're carrying alot of emotional scars due the abuse you've suffered. Call 911 if your husband lays a hand on you.
sapphire0903 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I agree with the others here Get out, Get help. You and your children will need support and counseling, especially covering the mental and physical abuse.........STOP THIS CYCLE!!!!!!!! Iam sure you don't want your kids to think this kind of behavior is acceptable!! If you don't have family and or friends to help, go to a womens shelter, they should be able to help you. TELL SOMEONE if you have not already. Do Not get OM involved, you need to heal yourself and help your children heal, Only then will a relationship have room to grow. You CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!! FOR THE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL WELLNESS OF YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!!
Author MojoAngel Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 I wished I had a place to go. That is the main problem. I would never involve the om. He has no clue as to what has been happening in my personal life nor do I want him to. When we talk its just about us. I have talked to my family members about the situation, they all say the same thing "well, leave" but nobody has offered to help. I have asked if I could stay, I get "well we are retired and couldnt handle the kids" and "well we have no extra room" theres is always something. My eldest came over one day and said "mom this is enough get your stuff your comming with me" so I quickly gather clothes. after two days I was told "well sorry, it is way to crowded" so I went to the local shelter, no room available but they let us spend the night in the storage room so thats when I ended up going back. It just seems no matter what route I take, I end right back here. I even went and got on housing years back, he came over and destoryed the place so I got kicked out. I went to the womans shelter, I was told "since I have family in the area, I did not qualify. My mom finally agreed to help me out, but so far nothing, I keep calling her and I will continue to do so. Hopefully she will help.
Izzar Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Mojo, Is a shelter an option for you? How about friends? You need to leave that house asap.
Izzar Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Ok, you've tried a shelter. How about a church in your area?
jbmarine Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Yeah, if he's doing all of this to you, you need to call the cops, PRONTO! Get out, call Social Services, they'll be able to help. Just out of curiosity, are there drugs or alcohol being used on his part? It seems like it. Doesn't matter, though, you need to get out of this situation. If your family and friends aren't willing to help, then quite frankly, you don't need them.
Author MojoAngel Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 I have called the police before. Without signs of physical abuse, like blood and bruises ect... I was told "there is really nothing they can do. I should just leave." Don't get me wrong it's not as if he comes home and beats me or anything like that. He has hit me at different time over the years. Once in the face. Mostly in my legs. Yes, each time he was drinking and or drunk. It has been years since he has actually struck me. But I know he is capable of it. He has never hit the kids but he yells and screams at them which drives me crazy! Another thing I always have blocking my way of thinking, is his job. If he lost his job, how would he support the kids? How would we eat, live ect... He has a good job not great, but for him it's pretty good. Please explain Social Services, I have heard of that but isn't it for like food stamps and stuff like that? Do they help house people?
Jinxx Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Not only for yourself, you need to get out this abusive marriage for your children's sake. What a horrible situation to be in.
jbmarine Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 You know, I know that I'm gonna be flamed, but I feel that I have to say this... If it was me in your position, I'd look into buying myself a trusty handgun. That not being an option, Social Services will come to your house, and if your claims are valid, they'll take you, as well as your kids away from this guy. If he comes near you or your kids, then he's arrested. At least, I believe that this is the case. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong. Anyway, I'd highly suggest that you do that. This situation isn't going to get better. You, nor your kids deserve this.
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