soulseeker Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I'm mainly looking for advice from guys here. I met this guy at a club last Thursday. He is my friend's boyfriend's roommate, we'll call him Jack. Jack asked my friend about me b4 he knew I was her friend. We start dancing...dirty. We didnt have a chance to talk that much that night as the live music was really loud, but we did have some conversation. I left sort of abrubtly, and found out later Jack was asking my friend about me. Last night I went out bowling with my friend, Jack, and some other guys. Jack and I talked, flirted, and seemed to me that we both had a really good time the ENTIRE time we were there. His friend's were even commenting on it at the time, and had to keep interrupting us when it was our turn. There was some touching on both of our parts. We end up back at his house with a bunch of other people at 12:30 ish. We start a movie and I realize it is now 1:30 and I have to get up at 6:30. Jack makes a comment about it being a shame that I am not going to be hanging out with them tomorrow. (I have class). And, a few times throughout the night he made reference to us meeting up again. He made one reference to us going to this restaurant, but he hasnt asked me out directly. I have heard so many times that if a guy is into you, he will ask you out. Maybe he assumes he will see me out in the group again? Guys, what do you make of this? Does he see me as a friend? Am I expecting too much?
Enema Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 He likes you. Guys don't just ask people out when they're into you. A lot of guys are just as shy, embarassed and hesitant to put themselves out there as women are. Why don't You ask Him out?
Author soulseeker Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 I guess I havent asked him out becuase I dont want to be in the position of the chaser. I am gunshy after my last relationship. The consensus here seems to be that guys need to do the chasing. I could ask him to go for a walk or something when we are in a group setting and see what happens. What do you think? This is the first guy since my ex that makes me feel like a dork, in the good, butterflies-in-the-stomach way. And I've been asked out a lot before this guy and felt nothing even close to the way I do around this guy. So that ads to my hesitancy.
DanielMadr Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 But he was asking you out...sort of. He said its a pitty you cant go tomorrow and also mentioned other days, opportunities. All you have to do is say 'Oh it sounds nice, Im free on that day'. You have to give him a clue you are OK if he asks you out. He plays it safe too. Yeah guys do the chasing and its pretty annoying when you girls dont give a clue if we are on right track. Some help here, come on. Dont think its easy for guy. We cant read mind. Non verbal signals are misleading with so many girls only flirting (proffesional mimicking of buying signals) with no serious intention. And we are not bullet proof....it hurts when you decline. Its chance he wont risk asking you out clearly. Give him a clue or ask him out yourself.
Author soulseeker Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 But he was asking you out...sort of. He said its a pitty you cant go tomorrow and also mentioned other days, opportunities. All you have to do is say 'Oh it sounds nice, Im free on that day'. You have to give him a clue you are OK if he asks you out. He plays it safe too. Yeah guys do the chasing and its pretty annoying when you girls dont give a clue if we are on right track. Some help here, come on. Dont think its easy for guy. We cant read mind. Non verbal signals are misleading with so many girls only flirting (proffesional mimicking of buying signals) with no serious intention. And we are not bullet proof....it hurts when you decline. Its chance he wont risk asking you out clearly. Give him a clue or ask him out yourself. Thanks for your reply. I did exactly what you are saying. We were having a conversation about food in our town and how it is so limited, especially when it comes to seafood. So he mentions that this restaurant here has this Tuesday night seafood thing, and says, looking directly at me: "I would be up for going to x restaurant some Tuesday" To which I replied, "Yeah, that would be fun." I was smiling when I said this, fyi. So, I guess he asked me out? I'm confused because he didnt say something like, "Ok, what about next Tuesday." See what I mean? It isnt easy for anyone when the signals aren't so clear. I walk away thinking, "well I guess he wasnt that into it since he didnt lock in a date."
monkey00 Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 hmm well he sounds interested, maybe he's waiting for you to indicate more signs of interest like indicating which days/time you're free for dates. If a girl opens up to me on how her schedule is like it is definitely an indicator of interest. Maybe he has a hard time discerning if you're being friendly or are genuinely interested.
Green Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 look if your a girl and he directly came out and asked you out you would probably lose all interest and you wouldnt be on here thinking about him and what he is up to and what needs to happen to have your hapily ever after. How ever it is that he's going about things it seems to be working, mission acomplished.
Max Overclock Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 look if your a girl and he directly came out and asked you out you would probably lose all interest and you wouldnt be on here thinking about him and what he is up to and what needs to happen to have your hapily ever after. How ever it is that he's going about things it seems to be working, mission acomplished. KMT, perfect answer. I agree. Like your comments too Daniel. What a world! Max
Author soulseeker Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 I see where you guys are coming from, but if I am giving obvious signals and there is no progression, I might get bored with the whole thing too. It's happened to me before. That, or I'll just ask the guy out, which I am beginning to believe is a bad idea in general. Never thought that way until I started reading posts here. Whole chase thing... It seems to me that if you are really interested in a girl, why risk that she might get bored if you dont seem to take a genuine interest in her? While his behavior is intriguing, it's not likely that I'll hang around much longer. So thats where my thinking of "he's just not that into me" comes from. If he were that into me, he would lock in a date. As it is, I think he must be mildly interested in me and therefore I wont waste much time here. The two ideas just dont reconcile for me: really being into someone yet playing a game of ambiguity that might push them away. It's quite possible that this is just something that is fact about certain men (women too, I suppose, but I dont deal with women in this way), and I'll never understand it. Actually, I'd love it if he asked me out directly, that is sexy. Then, we can actually get to know each other and I can fantasize about him in other ways that actually might mean something. It'd be a shame if the only "intriguing" thing about him were his mixed messages.
Green Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 wow this guys got you phantisiziing about him... well I dont know if he does like you or not but if he does like you then what ever he is doing it must be right. Some times you have to risk losing the girl in order to get you. You could ask him out once see if he says yes see how it goes and then wait to see if he asks you out again. I dont know if this guy likes you or not but if he does I doubt asking him out once would mean ur no longer a chase or what ever. And by the way I really dont like to chase women if there was some magical way for me to get any woman I wanted that would be cool. What I do like in girls is nice voice, kind, good sense of humor, fun, and a great set of legs, good head of hair
Author soulseeker Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 wow this guys got you phantisiziing about him... What I meant about fantasizing was, "does he like me, doesnt he?" Not the fun fantasizing kind. Though, I cant say I havent been doing that as well. For me, the whole interaction with this guy has been of the pheramone kind, not necessarily because he has done the "right" thing to attract me. It's rare for me to have this big of a chemical reaction to a guy, so I definitely take notice when it happens. If I wasnt highly attracted to this guy in this way, I wouldnt even be here asking for help. I would have walked away.
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