panzer6 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I saw my ex last night. She got fired from her job yesterday and she was pretty upset. I also saw her kids for the first time in 9 months. It was nice to see them cuz I really miss them alot. Her and I talked about her job situation. She needs to find work fast and I said I would help her in any way I could. I have to admit it was kind of a surreal experience. As I was sitting there talking to her it suddenly dawned on me that she had changed so much. I was trying to see the woman that I met and fell in love with 2 years ago but I realised that she was no longer there. It was the strangest feeling I have had in a long time. I am amazed at how different she is now. I know she is under alot of stress lately and that has alot to do with it but she really is a different person now. It made me feel sad in a way. Just another step away from her I guess. I still care about her and her boys very much but I'm going to have to keep them all at arms length. I know I should have done this a long time ago but it has been very hard to let go of them. She always calls me when she is having a crisis and I am the type of guy who is always willing to help people I care about. Unfortunately I have become emotionally drained by it, I guesss in some way I still want her back and maybe I'm hoping she will give me another chance. I know now that that wont happen, and even if it did she is so different now that it wouldn't ever be the same. I feel like I have been thrown against a brick wall. I've said in the past that I need to let go of her but I always seemed to break down and return her calls and texts. Last night I came to the conclusion that I have to let go of her. For the first time since all this started I now know in my gut what I have to do. I feel crappy and good all at the same time. Talk about being conflicted.
amaysngrace Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 It sounds like you made a good choice in letting her go. Sounds like trouble follows her and she hasn't gotten her act together yet. It's sad to say but some people are just lost causes. Rather than add to others they take from them. The saddest part of it is that she has children. I hope she isn't robbing them of their well-being. Do only that which you feel comfortable doing where she is concerned. Don't allow yourself to end up feeling drained by giving too much of yourself on her behalf when you know in your heart your efforts won't really make much of a difference to one such as herself unfortunately. As much as we may like to, we just can't change another. Try not to beat yourself up about it. XO
Author panzer6 Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 This whole thing has been very hard on me. I feel like throwing up sometimes. I still love her very much and miss her. She says she misses me too. Whether thats true or not I can't really say. When things are bad she comes running to me and I can't help caring. I wish things could be better for her but I have no way of changing them. I feel like I am a hundred years old on the inside and I just want to get back to my old self. She will have to get by without me.
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