sunshine79 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 turns out my fiance and i got into a huge arguement last night. i'm a needy person, he knows that and has dealt with it since i've known him in a great way. lvoes me for me. well last night **** hit the fan. he doesn't get any 'him time' at all. he gets off work and i'm tehre waiting on him to talk or go somewhere or cook. he never comes in and just relaxes for a while...because of me...and i know i'm doing it! grrr i have 4 hrs at home by myself before he comes home so i'm ready to see him and hang out after i get my 'me time'. problem is...it's built up and built up in fiance that he has blown his top after last night and me waiting for him to go eat and grocery shop...i know it has to be hard on him and i need to step back and let him do his thing but it's hard for me. i always had a sister growing up to play with, always had roommates through college...i'm used to it. i need to lear nt obe more independent but i love him so much i cherish every moment...and i can't figure out how to balance this crap out... hope this made a piece of sense, not sure it did....any ideas, tips, thoughts?
ash519 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 We spend all day talking on here and realizing our issues and thinking "i am going to get better and show him i'm not a crazy girl" and what happens...we get home and POOF!!! All thrown out the window. He does need 'him' time, as my bf needs the same. We have to learn a way to keep all this info etc in our heads when we walk away from this computer and get into real life. This morning i get to work feeling good and I was listening to Cosmo radio and strip clubs came up. All of a sudden i feel stressed and insecure. My bf isnt even going to one!!! That is just an example of getting all worked up over nothing. Your bf works hard and needs time. You need to really aknowledge that and give it to him consiously. You dont want to push him so far he leaves you. Let him be...make him something for dinner...tell him to go out with friends, or if he says he is going to see friends dont give him the 3rd degree and get mad at him. You want him to see you as the girl he will be with forever, this behavior more or less makes him wonder how that will work! I need to take my own advice as well. Maybe we need to start, today. Lets fix this crap. We really do spend tons of time with our guys, we just tend to focus on the time we're not together instead of the posotive. And when it comes to going out, let them, be caring and understanding...IF THEY F UP....we are better off...again, i really liked what Island Girl wrote on my last thread. We can do this. I know I am a catch...are you?
Author sunshine79 Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 thanks ash...i really needed to read all that and prob will read over and over all day. i am so ready to work on thigns and not be so needy and "up his butt" all the time but i get home and things change. he shows me some attention and i'm just all down hill back to normal not letting him have any free time to himself...i guess i hate that it has to be planned out... i'm gonig to work on this. if i don't, he'll leave. he made a mean comment to me last night that was to teh effect of "you're not as cool as you used to be to hang out with" that devestated me. i dont' want that. i wnat to be how i used to be. why did i get so attached and smother him? ugh
ash519 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I do the same thing and every time i feel like crap the next day because i sit there and i'm like " why would he want to be with me when i treat him like this, like he is on a leash or something." I am taking baby steps. See, I dont know if you have jealousy issues when it comes to him going out with his friends, but I do. I over think things. Like if he goes to a bar it's not a simple "He is out with his friends." It's more of an imaginary situation I create in my head, I picture how much he is drinking and who he could be laughing with..girls... and what the conversations could be about, when in reality...it's probably nothing like what I am imagining!!!! I basically mind F myself. So, a step I took today...well, i cater part time and my bf is in a band, i know the next two Saturdays he is NOT playing a gig, but 2 jobs came up and i really need the money so instead of thinking whether or not i should just not accept them so i know what he is up to and can be with him, i took the jobs, for me, and he can go do something with his guy friends now. Now I have to focus on NOT mentally putting myself there and imagining whats going on. Whew!!! Anyway, it takes effort, especially when insecure like us. But our main goal here is not to cover these feelings, but to believe it and just be ok.
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