cassis Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I need advice!!! I've been married to my husband for 3 years now and we've always talked about having a family together. Especially him!Recently i've started to feel like it's the right time for me to have a baby. I feel very secure and comfortable in my life and i know that i'm physically, emotionally and financially ready to have a child. Tonight, I discussed this with my husband and his reaction just blew me away. He was shocked, upset, and made up all kinds of excuses why we shouldn't have a child until much later down the track. His main reason though, was that it would be difficult living on just one income and what if i never wanted to go back to work afterwards. I just don't understand this though as we are financially secure and we could definately afford to have children together and still be comfortable. I explained this to my husband but he just wouldn't accept anything i said and got all stressed about it all. He said we'll discuss this again on Friday when he gets back from his business trip. But i'm just so confused and upset right now. I don't know what his problem is or why he's reacting like this. We have a fantastic relationship together and he always talks about us having a family but now that i want to make it a reality it's like he's scared and unsure. what can i do? Why do you think he's sudddenly reacting like this and what can i do to reassure and convince him that it's the right thing to do. i'm so confused and upset right now and i just wish he was as positive about this as me.
JackJack Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 It could be he is scared and unsure, thats really not all that uncommon I wouldn't think. But, yes, you do need to discuss it when he returns from this business trip. I would see if he brings it up first. Would be interesting to see how he feels after her gets back. Especially since you say that his reaction is all of a sudden.
sunshinegirl Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Hi cassis, When you and your husband talk again on Friday, you might consider changing your objective from "reassuring and convincing him that it's the right thing to do" to simply listening to what's going on for him. Maybe don't try to make (or force) any decisions Friday; instead, make it your goal to understand why he is reacting the way he is. As you probably know, you can't talk people out of their feelings...good or bad, they just are. So if he's anxious or fearful, it probably won't help to say "c'mon, you're the one who's been all jazzed about having kids, you shouldn't feel this way now!" NOT that you were planning to say that, I'm just giving an example. The point is, don't dismiss or minimize his feelings. By the way, I don't think it's that uncommon for people to be excited about an idea in the abstract but then freaked out by it when it becomes real. Anyway, good luck.
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Good advice given. My question is, how old are you and your husband? If you're both under 30, I can understand his fear of becoming a father. He may not feel ready to have that responsibility yet. I hope you both can sit down and talk about things, really understand eachothers point of view, weigh the good and the bad. Remember too, nothing has to be decided 100% right now....
umbo Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 "what can i do to reassure and convince him that it's the right thing to do." So how can you bully your husband into doing what you want to do as you say it "you could have a child tonight". YOur husband has done well he married you he is faithful to you and he is providing for you but now you want to rush into having a family. Is there some timeline you are shooting for? How old are you? and how long have you been married? would be questions I would ask you. Sorry but you come off like you are entitled to a baby when YOU want one. Hey breathe relax this just an opinion.
Mr. Lucky Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 convince him that it's the right thing to do. Obviously, several of us picked up on the same thing. Just as you instinctively know it's the right time for you, so will he. Any effort to coerce him will ultimately be counterproductive. If the roles were reversed and he was the one pushing, could he convince you? I don't think so... Also, I hope you not the kind of person that would "accidently" become pregnant under these circumstances. The right time will be when you're both ready. Mr. Lucky
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