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Posted

I hope it is ok to start a second thread here, but I have a question and would like some advice. It's related to my other thread, but much more specific.

 

I want to move out of the house I share with my soon-to-be-ex-husband and move into an apartment really, really soon. I would like my privacy and some independence and I want to see someone else without hurting my hub. However, we really don't have the money for that and my husband does not have a job right now. We need the money from the sale of our house to pay off some bills.

 

We have a few thousand dollars. I was thinking of he and I splitting that money and I could use my half to move out, and then when the house sells, I will pay him back out of my share of the proceeds.

 

The risks are that the house won't sell, or it won't sell very quickly, or that my husband will not find a job anytime soon (he's looking and applying but so far no luck).

 

The benefits would be my privacy, my freedom, only having to move once (instead of staying with my mother temporarily), getting more stuff out of the house to declutter it (my stuff would be gone), not having the at-times uncomfortable feelings of living with my soon-to-be-ex.

 

Also, my mom's apartment is really tiny and her bathroom isn't as private as I'd feel comfortable in.

 

So, any advice? Mostly, the logical thing seems to be to stay with my mom until the house sells. But that could take so long and I don't want to be smothered by my mom.

 

A counselor I saw today said that it is possible that if I did move to an apartment, that could be extra motivation for my husband to really get a job, like lighting a fire under him.

 

Any thoughts or advice? I'm trying to be patient with this whole process, but sometimes I am just not patient.

 

Thank you for reading all of this I know it is super long! Please reply soon, if you can, as this one apartment I saw that is super cute might be rented soon and I'm wondering if the reason it hasn't been rented yet is because it's "meant to be" for me! :bunny:

Posted

Hey Starry-eyed. I would get out as soon as you reasonably can now that you are separated. If you think the financial part is a risk you can handle, I would take that risk. I just think once you've made the decision it is best to act on it quickly or it will just be harder on both of you.

 

Maybe someone who has been through this could give you more specific advice though.

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Posted

Thanks, friend. It really helps to get other people's opinions on stuff. I'm so caught up in it all it is hard to feel like I can make a good decision.

 

I think I might want to risk moving out now. The apartment that I looked at and would like is available this week. It's really cute and has a gas fireplace. But it also has a bedroom window that is west-facing, so it will get hot in the summer.

 

The thing is that if our house doesn't sell within a month or two, it will probably go into foreclosure and we won't get any of our equity. Which would suck.

 

I just want to be on my own so bad but don't know if I'm just being selfish and should be more patient and rational.

 

I would like to hear from any one else, too! And thank you all for your help! SR, I hope you are doing ok.

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