D-Lish Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 We've all heard the term narcissist. Narcisst a lesser god fell in love with his own reflection in a pond and was unable to love others- only himself. Narcissism is a lesser form of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)... and it is very common- moreso than you'd think. NPD is a little rarer, but Narcissists are everywhere. At first you might think you're dating a confident man- he boasts and charms you, says all the right things. But none of his words or advancements are genuine. A N is incapable of having empathy- incapable of caring. More often than not, he leaves us broken and despondent, makes us question ourselves and our worth. Comes on strong- then pulls away rapidly once he's hooked you. Any of you ever experienced such a man? (Women N's exists too...I'm just talking about men here)
ack123 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 DELISH,..I know all about Narcissist, and full blown npd,..I dated one for 5 years,...what do ya need to know???? Im a walking text book about it...ack123
amaysngrace Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Yeah D, what do you want to know? That you aren't the only dummy to fall for their charms? Nope sweetie, you're not alone. Mine even went so far to impregnate me and get me to marry him. You know how women are usually the ones who trap the guys with pregnancies? Narcissists men trap women seems like, at least in my case. Just yet another story of many in my life. Some day I'll share it. Maybe. Anyway, I think that when a guy comes along who can open up and be honest and show emotion you will appreciate and love him like you've never loved before. And it will make knowing your narcissist worthwhile then. And also make it pretty easy to let him go forever as well.
Green Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 What ever D-Lish your starting to sound like a real complainer. I spot the narcissistic female of our species lurking in practicaly every environment.
boshemia Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Yeah, I dated one... the only guy I ever knew who looked at himself every morning in the mirror and told himself how beautiful he was. I loved him very much, and that we agreed upon, because he also loved himself very much. In the end I figured out I was only there to satisfy his need to be worshipped... He once gazed into my eyes with the most loving expression, and I asked him what he was thinking. He said "I wish I was you..." I said "Why?" He said "So I could make love to me..." He really did steal my heart, and sometimes even now I wonder if he ever really gave it back. My mother is also a Narcissist... at least thats what my counselor says, and now it makes a lot of sense.
pelagicsands Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 He once gazed into my eyes with the most loving expression, and I asked him what he was thinking. He said "I wish I was you..." I said "Why?" He said "So I could make love to me..." That's so romantic.
boshemia Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I've always thought so... and to think I let him get away.
StayClose Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Anyway, I think that when a guy comes along who can open up and be honest and show emotion you will appreciate and love him like you've never loved before. And it will make knowing your narcissist worthwhile then. And also make it pretty easy to let him go forever as well. Not really. Narcissists are appealing because narcissists come off as confident, and confidence is a turn-on for women. Guys who show emotion and are honest will share feelings of insecurity, which is a turn-off for women. Botton-line: Women say they prefer honest, feelings sharing men, but such men fail to trigger romantic/sexual feelings. Narcissists are much better at this, so you can say than women actually prefer narcissists.
Yamaha Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Not really. Narcissists are appealing because narcissists come off as confident, and confidence is a turn-on for women. Guys who show emotion and are honest will share feelings of insecurity, which is a turn-off for women. Bottom-line: Women say they prefer honest, feelings sharing men, but such men fail to trigger romantic/sexual feelings. Narcissists are much better at this, so you can say than women actually prefer narcissists. You could be a author for the "double your dating" books.
amaysngrace Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Botton-line: Women say they prefer honest, feelings sharing men, but such men fail to trigger romantic/sexual feelings. Narcissists are much better at this, so you can say than women actually prefer narcissists. I completely disagree with this. I think it's extremely sexy for a man to show his emotions and have communication. It brings out the sexual vixen in me. Who wants to lick a rock? And I'm not talking about the dick, I'm talking about the whole mountain. Of course I wanna lick the dick. But narcissistic men are like rocks to me. Insensitive good-for-nothings that you'd be just as well cuddling up next to a rock IMO. But the biggest fallacy that you stated was that you said they have confidence. Buddy I don't know where you've gotten your facts but narcissists are ANYTHING but confident. The fact is they hate themselves. Which is precisely the reason they are incapable of loving others.
polywog Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Not really. Narcissists are appealing because narcissists come off as confident, and confidence is a turn-on for women. Guys who show emotion and are honest will share feelings of insecurity, which is a turn-off for women. Botton-line: Women say they prefer honest, feelings sharing men, but such men fail to trigger romantic/sexual feelings. Narcissists are much better at this, so you can say than women actually prefer narcissists. I was married to a narcissist for several years. Charming, brilliant, talented, and seemingly romantic... tho in retrospect the romantic stuff was just to fulfill his self-image. He was not honest, but I was too dazzled to notice. I do think that many women are attracted to that crap; women who don't know themselves. But women who are self-fulfillled know better. Sometimes It's women like me who learned a hard lesson. But to generalize that we don't care for men who are honest feelings-sharing types, well... that's a bit pessimistic. I understand your post, but there are plenty of us out there who appreciate a good solid non-narcissist, as long as he is a man who knows himself and is a good male human being, confident in himself, and not afraid of non-wimpy women.
StayClose Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 But the biggest fallacy that you stated was that you said they have confidence. Buddy I don't know where you've gotten your facts but narcissists are ANYTHING but confident. The fact is they hate themselves. Which is precisely the reason they are incapable of loving others. I didn't say that narcissists WERE confident. I said they APPEAR to be confident, and that men who bare their souls APPEAR to be not confident, when in fact they man with his heart of his sleeve may actually be more confident than his narcissistic, more romantically successful friends.
amaysngrace Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I didn't say that narcissists WERE confident. I said they APPEAR to be confident, and that men who bare their souls APPEAR to be not confident, when in fact they man with his heart of his sleeve may actually be more confident than his narcissistic, more romantically successful friends. Yeah true that. That's what you said. Maybe that's why half of all relationships fail then, because they are the ones with the Ns.
stillafool Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I've dated one also and in the beginning they are pretty hard to resist. I was wondering... does the N love his children? All the ones I've ever known were single and I just wondered this.
amaysngrace Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I was wondering... does the N love his children? My kids' dad doesn't seem overly fond of his. He'd rather have custom shirts made with his monogram on the cuff at $300 a piece and order like 12 of them then to pay for their dental work out of pocket so you tell me... I say dental out of pocket because when we were married having dental insurance just was too expensive of a weekly deduction you see.... The bank roll in his pocket was much more important
VirtualInsanity Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 We've all heard the term narcissist. Narcisst a lesser god fell in love with his own reflection in a pond and was unable to love others- only himself. Narcissism is a lesser form of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)... and it is very common- moreso than you'd think. NPD is a little rarer, but Narcissists are everywhere. At first you might think you're dating a confident man- he boasts and charms you, says all the right things. But none of his words or advancements are genuine. A N is incapable of having empathy- incapable of caring. More often than not, he leaves us broken and despondent, makes us question ourselves and our worth. Comes on strong- then pulls away rapidly once he's hooked you. Any of you ever experienced such a man? (Women N's exists too...I'm just talking about men here) No. Has to be horrible to experience.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I wrote this post about being with a narcissist a while ago. Thankfully those days are long behind me.
lindya Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I wrote this post about being with a narcissist a while ago. Thankfully those days are long behind me. I remember that post, and this is the bit that I really connected to: Its possible to be happy with a narcissist - you just have to be a hardcore masochist or co-dependent, or just plain indifferent to what the narcissist says and does. Some people can be happy living like this - it depends on how willing you are to let the Narcissist be him/herself and provide what they need to have their needs met while you get your needs met elsewhere. You have to have a very open mind and the patience of an ox, and the ability to compartmentalize so that you can enjoy the benefits of the Narcissist, while placating the negatives. I think it's easy, in a bad relationship, to become hooked on the idea that you're becoming a "better" and stronger person as a result of being able to cope with, and retain your poise within a situation where it's understood that your needs must take a back seat. When you fulfil the nurturing role and manage to convince yourself that you really don't need the person you're nurturing to meet any of your needs in return, it can give you quite an intoxicating feeling of being strong, mature and healthy. For as long as the relationship seems to be working, at least. The sense of failure when a relationship like that stops working is absolutely overwhelming. From beginning to end, you've taken 100% responsibility for making it work. So inevitably you take all the responsibility for it failing - and I think that's why so many people find it very hard to recover from a relationship where they've constantly played nurturer to someone else's inner child.
mental_traveller Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Botton-line: Women say they prefer honest, feelings sharing men, but such men fail to trigger romantic/sexual feelings. Narcissists are much better at this, so you can say than women actually prefer narcissists. This is just inaccurate. There is nothing which says you can't be honest and share feelings just because you are a confident guy. If you can do that *and* come across as confident, women like it a lot. The reason narcissists & egotistical people can be appealing is because they make such a huge effort to win others over. It's vital to preserve their illusion that they are the centre of the universe. Without admirers, they can't keep believing that. So they go out to charm & influence, much more than normal people. They have years of practise and love doing it, so it can be quite appealing at first, until you see their bad side. Narcissists can be cool as long as you have a thick skin, are ok with putting your foot down when necessary, and prefer someone interesting to someone reliable and nice but dull.
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