pineapple2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I am the biggest loser on the face of the earth, officially my break up story was posted here (it’s short): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t115174/ I was questioning my decision when I made it back in March It has been 1 month since I broke it off with this guy. During that one month he would call me once in a while to see how I am doing. I would allow conversation but nothing to in dept. Every weekend I have been coping by drinking red wine until I fall asleep (it has been working). I have been being really strong and really trying to convince myself that he is not needed in my life. Well this Easter weekend (Friday) I was drinking alone, and I was dozing off (trying to fight off another lonely weekend)……until my phone rang at 11pm. It was him. We were on the phone for about 10 minutes and next thing I knew I was in a taxi cab on my way to his place. While I was getting ready to leave my house and go to his, deep deep down inside I knew I was doing the wrong thing, but that voice wasn't loud enough for me to consider its message.. and so it was ignored and I was at his house in a matter of minutes. He paid for the taxi, and when I was settled in (my shoes were off) he jumped right on me and I allowed it like a ****ing SKANK. Nothing at all was talked about, we just had sex and that was IT. We were drinking that night of course (I had a head start on that). I had work the next morning too, but I just slept over anyways. It Doesn’t End Here…………………. The very next day (Saturday) he called me at work and asked for a repeat of the night before… and I am so embarrassed to say this right now but I allowed it AGAIN. (God I want to shoot myself right in the eyes) I am so ashamed at myself but the shamefulness has not got to the point that I have called him to tell him how I am feeling or to address what has happened this weekend, or to address what is to come, etc. It’s like it is all repressed in my mind. What the hell is happening to me? Am I going mentally insane? Because I really feel like I am. How could I go from strong to such a low person? I feel like a hooker or tramp. I really feel like a no body. My best friend and all my friends still think we are separated and they don’t know what I did this weekend. And there is NO WAY I can tell them. I don’t know what to do now but I feel so gross and so weak. And like I want to run away and hide and potentially never call him again. Or just unplug my phone from and hide away from the world for a very long time. Are my feelings normal? What do I do from here. Why did I do this to myself ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????????????????
D-Lish Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Please, don't beat yourself up over this. This stuff happens. I understand the red wine thing- the drinking alone...lol. I had never drank red wine until my break up happened. Then I found myself having a glass or two every night to help me sleep and forget... sometimes more than a couple glasses. That part isn't healthy for you. You just ended up getting loaded- feel happy for a brief time, then cry yourself to sleep. Nasty pattern. If he's a bad choice for you- then yes, go back into NC mode. We are all subject to the charms of our exes. It's great to stay busy and keep occupied in order to forget- but at some point it's important to deal with the heartbreak. Avoidance isn't healthy either. Start taking care of yourself. But don't get down on yourself for a momentary relapse. D
Trialbyfire Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 You don't stop caring for them, especially if you haven't moved on. D-lish is right. There's no use beating yourself up about it. If it really bothers you, stop drinking and don't do it again. It's not the mistakes that defines us, it's how we handle the mistakes.
pelagicsands Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 We all want to be loved. Even pineapples. As prickly and rough as they seem on the outside, there is no denying the deliciously sweet nectar that lies within.
Author pineapple2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 How do I go back into no contact mode? Because he has called since those events (today he called to say "hi", I let the answering machine get it) But I know he will continue to call, and when the weekend comes it will be more invites to his place. Do I just totally ignore from here on? And pretend like it never happened and go back into "getting over him mode" Or should I tell him "I made a mistake that night and I cant do that again" and truly explain how I am feeling ??!?!? Coz its eating me up inside about how I could have done this to myself. got soooo lowww and put myself in such muddy water. And how he is probably so happy and sleeping SO well at night that he didn't have to do anything but give me ONE PHONE CALL that night and I was right back in his arms................. advice is seriously needed.
Guest Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Now you know the alcohol doesn't work in the long run.
Shadowdog36 Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 In order to not seem like you're screwing with this guy's head, I think a short talk with him is appropriate.
Author pineapple2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 In order to not seem like you're screwing with this guy's head, I think a short talk with him is appropriate. Ya i know what U mean. but what do i say this time? "Sorry i made a mistake by sleeping with u, let go back to not talking?" What do i say. I just really dont know.. and i cant get it out of my mind. all i can think of is "look if u really want this to continue to be with me u need to stop drinking/partying like u do, etc." but I know what the outcome is. He wont stop. So i dont even want to bother talking about that. Or i can just get really mad and be like "how could u ask me to come over when u know how I feel.... I dont want to be with u coz of blah blah, and blame him. but i dont really want to do that. So what do I say in this case?
MattNZ Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I think it is a bit spineless to blame him for this. You broke it off with him (didn't read the full thread so don't know the full reason). As much as it is going to hurt him, I think you have to tell him you made a mistake and that you need to go seperate ways. It's not fair to lie to him or lay the blame on him. I can see his side of it because he will always hold out hope and throw out bait to try and get you back (like calling you and asking to come over) but at the same time, don't expect you to accept. I think you just have to be honest if you really don't want to be with him.
Shadowdog36 Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 I think you just have to be honest if you really don't want to be with him. That's it in a nutshell.
Icantletgo Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Dont feel like a skank. you still care for the guy, you had a couple to drink, and we are human. We have urges to fill and our exes know the exact way we like it. But now that the sun has come up, you need to talk to him you need to ask yourself why you did it.
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