Cardinal64 Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Hi. I've been separated from my wife of 7 years for the past 3 months. We have been together almost 9 years. We have a 6 year old son. Why did I separate from her? Well to put it simply - I could not deal with her constant cheating on me anymore - even some of her own family told me about what she was doing behind my back. They were very upset with her because they know that I'm the most decent guy - she has ever been with compared to all the jerks that used her in the past. They are not even on speaking terms with her - that is some of her family - one brother and two sisters. Look, I'm not saying I'm a saint but I tried my best to be as good a husband to her as possible. We have since decided that the best thing to do at this point is to just call it quits . Believe this is not what I want. My first priority is of course my son. But she seems obsessed with the "new guy" in her life and has asked me for her "freedom". For the record I never cheated on her - ever during our marriage - even before. It's just a sad situation. I miss the family life we had before - but I know it doesn't exist anymore - as hard as it is for me to admit it. Last night I met a woman at a party - she seems to have taken a real shine to me. She seemed pretty nice and all. Well before you know it she invited me to her place for a drink. When I got there - I soon realized she was hoping that I spend the night with her. I didn't . \D\idn't want things to get out of hand. I don't know - I just feel like I should wait until I'm divorced before getting involved with another woman. Just too soon for me. I'm still pretty much raw inside. Just don't want to use this woman. She seems to be a really nice person and has had her share of bad relationships. Maybe I'm stupid for passing up the opportunity. I don't know. Just doesn't seem right - at this time. \ Anybody feel the same way?
Trialbyfire Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I feel exactly the same way. I've dated a few times but we discussed upfront that it was only two people having a good time together. No sex and no strings attached. I'm not only waiting for the divorce to get finalized but also waiting to heal more. I don't want to go into another relationship feeling needy or bringing my serial cheaters baggage with me. If so, it will be unfair because I will be looking for someone who can meet those unhealthy needs.
reservoirdog1 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I've been exactly where you are. There's NOTHING WRONG with dating before your divorce is final. A marriage, as you know, is far more than just a scrap of paper in a dusty registry filing cabinet somewhere. It's a union of two people who are bound by love, mutual commitment and fidelity. When those things are absent, you don't have a marriage in anything except law. Now, with the woman from the party: if you like her, and she likes you, I see no reason why you shouldn't date her. That being said, your best bet is to be totally up front with her. Tell her that you really like her, but that you only split from your TBXW three months ago, you're pretty emotionally banged up (tell her your TBXW is a serial cheat, if you want), and you're not in a position to offer her a commitment or anything. If she's still cool with dating you (and sleeping with you), then enjoy yourself and have a good time. One way to get over the blow to your ego dealt to you by your TBXW's years of disrespect is to sleep with somebody else after you separate. May sound a bit tawdry, but it's true -- suddenly there's somebody else who finds you attractive, so who needs your TBXW anyway? Like I said, I speak from experience. XW was a serial cheat. After she dropped the bomb and killed the short-lived attempt to reconcile, I moved out a month later. The night before moving out, I met a woman at a party that I'd known socially for years. She'd heard through the grapevine about what had happened. Long story short, we would have slept together that night if I hadn't wanted to wait until I wasn't living under the same roof with XW. So, the next day, I moved to my new place, and the woman from the party came over that night, etc. etc. And let me tell you, it felt righteous -- a huge shot in the arm right when I needed it most. I was totally up front with her from the beginning, and things didn't last long with her, but that's beside the point. Best of luck mate...
Recommended Posts