xenonsrt10 Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I have always been someone confused about women and love and all that fun stuff, but after I fail getting a mediocre looking woman (and I am not that bad looking mind you) I feel like i am not meant to be loved and will always have to suffer from love. It is like love is my weakness. I almost fear love because it can make you really suffer and agonize. I would hate to go through my life with no companion, but the more i delve into love and the mysteries surrounding it, it really frightens and pushes me away. Meanwhile, my envy and jealousy of others who are gf/bf and all kissy and crap sickens me and makes me furious. what should I do!?
Pyro Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Ah you are just frustrated with the dating game. Its normal. We all will or have been frustrated just like you at some point in time. You are still in college, so just stick to your studies and give it time and you will meet some lovely lady when you are least expecting it.
Trialbyfire Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Attitude matters a lot. If you pursue a woman with the belief that she's mediocre-looking, it's going to come through. If you look at players, they have the ability to make every woman they pursue feel like the most beautiful woman in their eyes.
Author xenonsrt10 Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 that helps, but even if i am only 20 years old, time is going to keep passing and i cant help but feel like i am letting many of the "keepers" pass by. i want to experience love but am so frightened by it also.
Pyro Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 that helps, but even if i am only 20 years old, time is going to keep passing and i cant help but feel like i am letting many of the "keepers" pass by. i want to experience love but am so frightened by it also. You have to be willing to take some risks in life. None of us are protected from being hurt by love. We will all experience it, but life does go on. You are only 20, you have PLENTY of time.
Guest Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 You have to be willing to take some risks in life. None of us are protected from being hurt by love. We will all experience it, but life does go on. You are only 20, you have PLENTY of time. I am 49...and frustrated with the dating process...in the same way as the 20 year old poster..... what would you say to me?
kepners Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 i am 32 and i am really feeling this properly! i truely believe that i am ment to be alone. its seriously weird. i really believe i am going to be alone. and that kissy stuff really really gets on my nerves, because i want that. but my relationships never work out. i am told i go from the wrong type of women! oh i see you mean women who i find attractive! fair enough! hmmm kinda bitter K
mental_traveller Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I have always been someone confused about women and love and all that fun stuff, but after I fail getting a mediocre looking woman (and I am not that bad looking mind you) I feel like i am not meant to be loved and will always have to suffer from love. It is like love is my weakness. I almost fear love because it can make you really suffer and agonize. I would hate to go through my life with no companion, but the more i delve into love and the mysteries surrounding it, it really frightens and pushes me away. Meanwhile, my envy and jealousy of others who are gf/bf and all kissy and crap sickens me and makes me furious. what should I do!? I think there's a bit of a paradox with love. When you are bothered about not having it, it's hard to find. Once you stop worrying about it or give up on it, often out of the blue you find it. Maybe you should try to work on improving your life as a single guy - work on improving career, hobbies (maybe start a new one), exercise, doing fun stuff with friends and so on. Take your mind off relationships by doing things like that. Then if you happen to meet someone you like, ask them out and see what happens, but just treat it lightly at first, don't worry about the whole love/relationship thing.
mental_traveller Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 that helps, but even if i am only 20 years old, time is going to keep passing and i cant help but feel like i am letting many of the "keepers" pass by. i want to experience love but am so frightened by it also. At your age there is (almost) no such thing as a keeper. Fire & forget!
Author xenonsrt10 Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 yeah i know, but maybe the biggest reason is the fact that i am so miserable and filled with so much envy of others. it is probably bringing me down and only hurting my chances.
wergo Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Ah you are just frustrated with the dating game. Its normal. We all will or have been frustrated just like you at some point in time. You are still in college, so just stick to your studies and give it time and you will meet some lovely lady when you are least expecting it. I'm sorry, but this is truly dangerous advice. This is exactly the advice I took back when I was in my 20s. Now I'm in my 40s and it NEVER happened - still not one single date. If you don't take definitive action NOW it will NOT just happen. You'll just get older and things will only get worse. Much, MUCH worse.
LaughMachine Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Sorry if I'm misunderstanding something but, is this " mediocre" woman stopping you from feeling the love?
Author xenonsrt10 Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 i am not explaining myself clear enough. the girl is not super, uber hot, but i like her for who she is. when she gives me this "just friends" bull**** I completely blow up on the inside and feel like if i cant have this girl i couldnt get any one. my logic is 100% false thought, but it is really making me suffer. thanks.
RN2B Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Maybe you should try to work on improving your life as a single guy - work on improving career, hobbies (maybe start a new one), exercise, doing fun stuff with friends and so on. Take your mind off relationships by doing things like that. Then if you happen to meet someone you like, ask them out and see what happens, but just treat it lightly at first, don't worry about the whole love/relationship thing. DING, DING, DING! I believe everyone has the ability to love and be loved, but you have to be happy with yourself first. I also think it's something you have to LEARN to do through life experiences and family. I dated a guy when I was 19 and he was 24 and he didn't know how to love. It didn't work out between us, and we remained good friends. Six years later we decided to give it another try. He's still the same person. He didn't grow up with love in his life and I honestly don't think he knows what love is, but partly because he doesn't want to make the effort for it. That is really sad.
Author xenonsrt10 Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 wow this is sad and depressing. it hope it isnt happening to me. that would ruin alot.
lindya Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 i am not explaining myself clear enough. the girl is not super, uber hot, but i like her for who she is. when she gives me this "just friends" bull**** I completely blow up on the inside and feel like if i cant have this girl i couldnt get any one. my logic is 100% false thought, but it is really making me suffer. thanks. I agree with Trialbyfire that this girl has probably picked up that you don't think she has much sex appeal (even if you like her), and are maybe just seeing her as someone you could get a bit of relationship experience with. You like her, but everything that you've written indicates that you don't think she's anything special - so for her to say "just friends" isn't bullsh*t. It's more likely to be indicative of her genuinely not sensing enough of a connection with you to want to get involved. There's a certain lack of empathy for her coming out in your post - which seems intensified by the fact that there's a fair bit of self pity there. I don't want to be critical, but that's not too appealing a combination to prospective partners, and you probably want to start working on it by putting yourself in other people's shoes a bit more rather than always focusing on your own thoughts and feelings. If lack of empathy or respect for this girl comes out in the way you relate to her (as, in my opinion, it comes out in your post) then I think it shows healthy self respect, rather than bullsh*t, on her part to avoid getting overly emotionally involved with you.
StayClose Posted April 11, 2007 Posted April 11, 2007 Sorry Lindya, I don't think this girl is the mind reader you make her out to be, and you're reading too much into xenon's post. No, you don't have to think that the person you like is uber-hot. Otherwise, only the Angelina Jolies and Brad Pitts of the world would date. The the "just friends" means is that you don't trigger romantic/sexual feelings in her. That may be for any one of a variety of reasons, but it doesn't matter because she's not into you. It happens to everyone, some more often than others, but hey! Life's not fair. What you need to do is meet other women and flirt with them, watching for signs of romantic/sexual interest. 20 is still pretty young, so you have a lot of time. In the meantime, make sure you have clean, well kept shoes, clean fashionable clothes, practice good grooming, and join a gym and work out. It's superficial stuff like that that women your age pay the most attention to.
Author xenonsrt10 Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 man guys, you all know a good deal about this stuff. thanks. the main problem is that sex isnt on my mind when i am around and i think about her. when we first went out she thought that i thought it was a date and then some, but i explained to her it was just friends or aquaintences. we both agreed on that part. if it is just for friendship, should i ask her to lunch perhaps or is that to much of a date thing? Thanks.
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