sweetest_taboo Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I've been seeing this guy for about a year. He's very calm and collected unlike my exes in the past. Am 21 and he's 26. during this period of time, i've noticed that his not the kind of person that talks about his feelings easily. for the past 3 months, i've noticed he doesn't call as much as before, but he says because of his work (i dnt understand as that was neve an issue when we started). i began feeling probably he just needed a bedmate. we had a talk about it but he says am being too inconsiderate and his work is very demanding and so he has less time to spend with me.The point is I got tired of feeling this way and felt the need to talk to him about it but somehow i havn't got the courage. so i decided to send him a text message explaining how i felt in details,expected him to reply or call back but he never did. Now he nolonger calls and the last time i called he said to me he was busy, something his never done. (dis happened about a week ago) I'm feeling eally unappreciated because i dont understand why i should be giving all my time and trying to make it work with someone whose not more interested in me. I dont no if it was wrong of me to send him a text message explaining my feelings? or if its my fault i can't just communicate with him? Bear in mind i really love this guy i dnt want him to slip out of hands coz of a little misunderstanding. "Please any advise would do, coz dis situation is driving me crazy"
MattNZ Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Hey, I'm in a similar position right now. All the advice that I have been given is to back away. As hard as it is, it offers the partner the chance to realise what they risk losing. I know it is the old adage that if you open the cage will the bird fly, well i guess it's a risk you have to take. I've not been giving my girlfriend much space, as much as I say I have, in all honesty we've still had contact every day. I have been told till mates are blue in the face to back off and the other person, when they take stock of things, will see what they have. Everyone is different and every relationship is different, but, after experiencing it first hand only yesterday, the more you push someone, the further they pull away and you only regret forcing the issue! You love this person so much, and I love my girlfriend too, that is why it is so hard. you just have to look after yourself though. keep yourself busy and get your mind in a 'good space' so you are not constantly torturing yourself and wondering what to do. As I said, I'm going through exactly that and know how hard it is for you but the old push--pull analogy is true here. The more you contact him the more chance there is that he will run away. Hope that helps - not that you really wanted to hear it!
shockandawed Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Sweetest, Honestly, it doesn't sound like there is any kind of relationship there. You have been seeing each other for a year, yet, he doesn't call because of work demands...sorry, that is bs. You are feeling used, so to bring it up, you send it to him in a text message..not good communication at all. Do you have any type of relationship or is he just hanging around when he needs a booty call? If you two can't communicate any better than this, you both should go your own way.
Island Girl Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I'm feeling eally unappreciated because i dont understand why i should be giving all my time and trying to make it work with someone whose not more interested in me. You are right. You shouldn't be giving all your time trying to make it work with someone who is not more interested in you. Exactly. So stop. Seriously. Just stop. He may have lost interest early on because you were way too available. His interest in you may have waned due to perceived incompatibilities. Who knows. What we do know is he has completely backed off. You must do so as well. I would not contact him again. If, in fact, he does feel anything remotely close to how you feel -- and you say you love him -- then you must give him a chance to miss you. However, do not sit by the phone. Do not send any text messages -- and in the future do not use texts as any kind of communication in a relationship. Make a guy call you to talk to you. And if you can't talk then don't. Perhaps that rule will help you at being less available to him or anyone else. Write him off. At the very least he is being a complete unfeeling thoughtless jerk right now and he doesn't deserve your attention. So move on and find someone who does. If he comes back before you have found someone new, great. If not, too bad so sad -- he has to deal with being without you. I am very sorry to say this but I think you will be walking away for good. For 3 months he has been distancing himself from you. You should have stepped back then. You may have had more of a response than now.
Author sweetest_taboo Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 Thanks Matt, Its a pity your going through the same thing as well. I've always seen myself as the one to pull away, guess theres a first time for eveything. i've decided to get extra busy, i've even tried goin out alot but by the end of the day, the whole thing still creeps in. though i've deleted the number from my fone, i still know it offheart. anyway thanks a lot. I hope all works out for you as well.
Author sweetest_taboo Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 You must do so as well. I would not contact him again. If, in fact, he does feel anything remotely close to how you feel -- and you say you love him -- then you must give him a chance to miss you. Its getting close to a week now and i've had no contact whatsover with him. Its been hard but with a lot of work i've thrown myself into, its been possible. I think i can go much longer without him with encouragements like yours. I'm also starting to see how my behaviour has been for the past 1 year and reflecting on what wrongs i've done to myself. However, do not sit by the phone. Do not send any text messages -- and in the future do not use texts as any kind of communication in a relationship. Make a guy call you to talk to you. And if you can't talk then don't. Perhaps that rule will help you at being less available to him or anyone else. How else dyou make someone listen if the person doesn't want to talk to you, and you eally need to get something off your chest. He did'nt want to speak to me, so i decided to speak to him. thats why i used the text message.
Author sweetest_taboo Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 I got a phone call from my ex (av had no contact with him for 2weeks) saying and i quote " my phone fell at work and the screen got broken. I couldn't retrieve any numbers including yours,Thats why I couldn't get in contact with you, and u know u've moved house and i dont know how to get to you" How am I suppose to respond to that excuse?
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