I'm moving across the country, he's staying behind..

[hazelle]

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. I am almost 20 and he is 21. I just found out that I've been accepted to Portland State University and I'll be moving to Oregon (from Michigan) sometime in late fall '07.

 

He just began his first semester at a community college, which makes him about a year and a half behind me, school-wise.

 

Since I found out that I've been accepted, I've felt completely overwhelmed with all the choices I need to make and task of preparing for such a big move.

 

I don't know what to do about my BF. He is very good to me and we've lived together and he's also my best friend and currently my next door neighbor.

 

I take our relationship fairly seriously and I can see a future together.. . but not yet. We're both too young.

 

I'm not even sure what I'm asking exactly but I've never been in a situation like this before.

 

Do I break up with him now to spare the heartache of breaking up right before I move?

 

What does it take for a long-distance relaitonship? Is that a smart Idea at our ages?

 

What if I continue to date him and then we have a bad breakup right before I move, causing me us both to deal with the heartbreak and the move?

 

Anyone have any advice?

 

Thanks,

Hazelle:o

[Sweetie2007]

That's what - less than 2000 miles? You can do it! If you see a future with him, and truly love him, then why break both of your hearts, when you could stay together, until your out of school. Is there any chance of him transferring out to Oregon in the future? That might be something to think about... I know 2000 miles seems like a really long ways, but my BF is 5000 with an ocean inbetween us... I'm almost 19, and he's 21, so the age is about the same. My BF and I have been together in this situation for 2 years (almost 2.5 now), and we're doing pretty good right now. What I can give you for advice, is to try and see each other as much as possible! I'm sure that if your home is Michigan than you would be going back there for vacations...maybe if your vacations and his are different, he could fly out to Oregon to visit you? Even if you have classes, he could tag along probably, and it would be worth it, just to see each other!

 

Stay strong! LDR's aren't easy, but from what I've read and known from other people, they are worth it! The last thing you really need is a broken heart right before you have to leave home too...

[DOA]

Gosh, I feel for you. But despite everything, put yourself first and foremost. And so, if going to this school has been your dream or moving away has been, then DO IT. And if you think you will want to date others, and figure out the type of guy you really want while you are still young, DO IT. Or if this relationship is going to hinder other goals and dreams you have for your future and you can't see a way to work around it, then end it before you move. Otherwise continuing this relationship with those thoughts present could very well turn into resentment towards each other.

 

LDRs are tricky, but analyse the situation thoroughly and have a good long discussion with your bf about it...before you make any decision, make sure you understand each other REALLY well and what you expect out of the relationship if you do choose to move forward with it.

 

I also agree that, same country relationships are much more feasible and doable than international cross-continental ones.

 

Mine is same country, different cities-LDR atm, but in a few months time, it will turn into a international cross-continental one. 8000+ miles.

 

But I still have hope we have a chance, even if it's a pretty small one.

[hazelle]

Thanks for the advice guys! I've been trying to talk with him about these things and we're both pretty indecisive about whether to stay together or not. He's my next door neighbor, so even if we break up before I move, I have a feeling we'll still be involved with one another.

 

We're not in the same place right now in our lives and it's pretty frustrating since we've been together for a year now and it feels like it's been a waste if we just end it. blahhhh

 

I admire the two of you for being able to manage LDRs and to be so positive about the distance between you and your SO.

 

When I go to Oregon, visiting won't really be possible because we are both so poor, especially him.

 

 

I'll try to have a good long talk with him, but it seems like he wants to give up and just break up, so perhaps that is what is best. I'll probably post later as right now I have a feverish cold and am not thinking too clearly.

[ShoeGirl]

Hi Hazelle~

 

I was in a LDR for a little over 2 years, and honestly I wouldn't recommend it. I was in a similar situation to you from what it sounds like. I had completed my AA and transfered to a university about 5 hours from home, and visiting was hard because we were both poor college students.

 

LDR's require a ton of trust, you can't be second guessing what he is saying or you will drive yourself crazy!

 

Now that I know that my LDR wasn't going to work I regret not doing a lot. I didn't get to know very many people because I was always online or on the phone with my bf, he wasn't too comfortable with me going to frat parties and what not so I didn't go to many, I never did anything fun for school breaks because I always made it work so I could go see him. I feel like now I am in my last year of of college and I didn't ever get a chance to live the college life.

 

I would just say to think about what you could or couldn't do at school while you are in a LDR and what you would expect from him.

 

Congrats on getting into school! Portland is an amazing city! Good luck with whatever you decide to do