blackenedESP Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 i've been with my girlfriend for a little over 4 1/2 years now. we've had our problems, but always seemed to get them straightened out eventually. she's cheated on me before, had this whole real bad 2 month streak of screwing me over. that was about 2 years ago. i just saw it as, she makes me happy and that's what matters. we've been pretty good ever since then. i have an issue with her and guy friends, obviously after what she did. but not to the point where i'm telling her no you can't do this, no you can't do that. i've been completely faithful to her the whole time. with all that, i see it as i got screwed over, took her back, and still gave something up (that i have every right to be like), just so we can get along and be together. a few days ago, out of the blue, she suggested maybe we should take a break. so first, i'm trying to figure out where it's all coming from. her reason was she's not doing well in school and she always feels obligated to see me so she puts me before everything else. but if it was because she feels obligated to see ME, why is it ok for her to forget about school work to go out hang out with her friends? or go to the gym? you know? it's not just when it comes to me. i've told her 100 times before if she ever needs help with work, i'd help her. if she wanted to go home to concentrate on her work, i'd completely understand. she never did that, with me or when it came to hanging out with other people. she told me she doesn't want to ask for help because she needs to do it on her own. so i talked to her last night about all of it and seem to have gotten to the root of the problem. she feels like she's a failure. that's why she's so stubborn to do it on her own, she feels like she has to prove to people that she's not a failure. i don't see a problem with wanting to do things on your own, but to take it this far? to the point where it ruins everything? but again, it seemed to only apply to me because she has no problem going to her mom for help with her work. so i dunno why but she seems to only feel this way when it comes to me, but her actions don't follow that. i told her there's no shame in asking for help, everybody needs help at times. nobody can do everything on their own. i said what's important is that you get to where you want to be. if you have to get help along the way, so be it. as long as you get to what you want. i mean, if you hit the lottery, are you gonna turn down $300 million dollars because you didn't earn it? of course not. i'm not just saying it to get her to do what i want, she probably thinks that. but i really believe her problem is not what she's saying it is, it's her stubbornness and lack of confidence. both of which can be helped without having to cause problems with us. but she's just so stubborn, won't open her mind up or take suggestions, it has to be her way. and after everything, taking her back and still giving stuff up just so things can work out, she's gonna do this because she can't get over being stubborn? i got over a lot worse and loved her even more afterwards. i just don't know what to do. it seems no matter what, it's gonna be hell for me. i can try and talk to her and hopefully see what i'm saying, but it sucks talking to her and not being "us". i can sever all ties and just go my way but i just love her too much to let go, i just don't think i'm ready to do that. i wake up every morning sick to my stomach, as if i haven't eaten in a week. depressed, don't wanna do anything. if i have one good talk with her, like i feel like i made progress, i completely changes and perk up. she's what makes me happy, how do you get over happiness to be happy?
littlebopeep Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Gosh its as if i could have wrote this myself.Similar reasons my ex gave me for breaking things off 7 months ago after a 4.5 year relationship also.I know how you are feeling.I went through the sleepless nights,not eating etc,its horrible. The thing is,you love her and will do anything to make her happy but she should be doing the same.In my honest opinion its an excuse they make for ending things with us because they are too cowardly to tell us the truth. Im not saying this is whats happened with you but its my gut feeling.You know,my life revolved around my ex,i loved him so much i stopped thinking of me.He was what made me happy and the times we were apart i missed him so much.When he ended it i felt as if my life was over. Im 7 months into our breakup and ive realised that i need to learn to be happy on my own.I have good friends that made sure they spent time with me and made sure i went out.I passed my driving test which gave me independance but i also realised that i was a good person who gave everything to her ex and imo he wanted to see if the grass is greener. Im learning to like myself and to learn that i can be happy without him.Since our breakup he acts as if he never really went out with me.I suspect hes seeing some1 else but doesnt have the guts to tell me or his parents because he doesnt want to look bad. Thats the reason he said he needed to concentrate on his work because he knew how much his parents want him to do well but they also loved me.They would have been disappointed if he ended it with me because of some1 else but knew they would be ok if it was to concentrate.How cowardly is that. Sorry about me going on,i thought it might give you insight about whats going on in her head if shes doing the same as my ex.You need to back away now and go no contact,its the only way you can begin to heal. Cry if you need to it really helps.Go out with friends/gym etc.If you cant eat then drink milkshakes or soup until you can stomach food.Time is a great healer and there are always people here to talk to.Take care.
Author blackenedESP Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 I don't get how some people can just have no consideration whatsoever. When you're in a serious relationship, it's not all about you. If that's the case, then they shouldn't be in one. It's funny because as I was reading your response, i just found a bit of information that is pretty much the last straw. The guy she cheated on me with 2 years ago, after we got back together she hasn't talk to him since (that i know of). All of a sudden, he's back in the picture. He lives in Maine now, we're in Jersey. but still, the fact that she started talking to him now is no coincidence. I think that really did it. She doesn't have to make up her mind, i've made up mine. Thanks for response littlebopeep. Talking about it to someone other than her helps itself, I just have to stick to it and not start feeling sorry for her. I've always been the one on the **** end, there's no reason for me to feel sorry for her.
littlebopeep Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 You sound like a good person and you know what?1 day when they are on the recieving end and they get dumped the same way they did it to us,they will realise what they had and let go. My ex went on placement for a year and within 5 weeks of going said he needed to be on his own to concentrate.How the hell do you walk away from a 4.5 r/ship within 5 weeks of being away. He said he wanted to be on his own and that if he ever wanted to be with any1 it would always be me lmao.I cut all contact but a friend told me to look on myspace.He had made an account which was unusual because hes a geek lol and he was arranging to go for a meal with his friend and some girls. So it was true,he did need to be on his own to concentrate the lying towrag.He also had his parents sympathy.They are teachers and told me to be strong because when he had finished his work things might work out.They said the poor thing is stuck in front of a computer and is really lonely missing home.They sent him money because he couldnt afford food. I should have pointed them in the direction of myspace because hes out every night lol.Omg hes fooled every1 lol.You know what,even his best mates told me im better off without him and have even offered to take me out for drinks. People like our exs are losers they dont deserve us,give your love to some1 who deserves us.Good luck.
Recommended Posts