arizonangel Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Hm, I honestly don't know where to begin. I guess I should start off saying my boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 2 years. I've been living with him for a little over a year now. We are also expecting our first child at the end of July. Lately, things have been very rocky. We seem to fight a lot more since I've become pregnant than we did when I was not. There have been some things my boyfriend does that have been bothering me, and I have confronted him about all of these subjects more than once. What are these issues you may ask. Well, he's started to use drugs again, he looks at porn, and all he does is play video games. Let me explain issue number one. My boyfriend was a heavy pot user and we quite for a while, while he was unemployed and found out that I was pregnant. He got a job in I believe February, and just recently started smoking pot again. He claims that it helps his joint pain, which I guess I can some-what understand. But with a baby on the way and both of us are in a financle fix, I strongly believe that he should find some other way to ease his pain away. This past Friday we got into an argument, and he promised he would not become a heavy user again and if he did that I had every right to leave him over it. Now, with that being said, it sounded fair at the time. But the more I've thought about it lately the more I begin to feel stressed out about it. He likes to spend A LOT of time at this one friends house who is also a exterme heavy pot user. How am I suppose to know when he begins to go back to his old ways with it again? I've asked him if maybe he could log it so I have some kind of knowledge, but he never gave me a response back on it. Issue #2. Since the day I moved in my boyfriend used to look at porn while I was asleep late at night. I finally confronted him on it and he no longer looks at it while I'm sleeping, but now he waits till I leave for school or work to look at it. It bothers me, because I do have low self-esteem and I feel like I'm not good enough when he looks at it. We've argued a zillion times over the subject, and it just seems to be a constant loosing battle. This last time I've finally told him if I caught him looking at porn again that I was going to leave. He ended up telling his exterme heavy pot user friend and he decided to add his two cents saying, "You're stupid for throwing away a great relationship, because of porn. Every man is going to look at it whether your there or not!" This made me extermly angry, because in all honesty I don't see what my boyfriend and I agrue about was any of his concern. Maybe I am stupid for leaving him over something so "silly", but I can't stand being hurt anymore over it. Issue #3. My boyfriend LOVES:love: video games. Now don't get me wrong here, I don't mind him playing video games. But, that's ALL he does! He works a part time job and then comes home and spends hours upon hours on his computer playing video games. I go to school, and I work...but I don't feel he does enough or even tries to do anything else other than being on the computer. I don't know what to do anymore. I LOVE my boyfriend to death, and I can't picture my life without him. But, I want both of us to be happy for the sake of our relationship and for our unborn child. Any help or advice that can be offered will be greatly appricated. Thanks!
someone2 Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 That's a tough one arizonangel. Since you have a baby coming, it should be your utmost priority to make sure this baby is raised in a loving and caring environment or else he/she will grow up with psychological problems, and certainly you don't want this. It looks like your bf is VERY immature. How old is he? There is always the chance that he becomes more mature as he grows up, or when he sees his child, or when a certain shock happens in his life. It all depends on how old he is right now. Maybe you should tell him you want to have some time for yourself. If you have a place to live, tell him you want to spend some time alone. Move out for a while, and see if this makes him change at all. You say you love him, but how much does he love you? Does he show any signs of love? Best, someone2 ETA: oh, and welcome to LS
Author arizonangel Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 He's 22 years old. Also, to answer your question yes there are times he shows signs of love. If you noticed I did say, "there are times". There have been times where I've felt like if I were a porn star or a video game he's pay a bit more attention to me than what he does. I have thought about looking for my own place (we currently live with his dad). But, saddly I only work the weekends at my job and I go to school so the only thing I can think of is maybe apply for section 8 and live in public houseing since I have such an extermly low income rate. It's just so frustrating... Also, thank you for the warm welcome and the advice.
xenonsrt10 Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 yeah you need to reconsider leaving this guy. heavy pot smoker doesnt have any positive traits to it i am afraid. see if he can turn his life around.
Enema Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 He looked at porn before you came on the scene and he'll look at porn after you leave. It has nothing to do with you, it's as inconsequential as him scratching an itch and for you to let it affect your relationship in this way is silly. The pot thing is understandable, the spending time with you thing is understandable too. Have you tried telling him certain things to do? I have a bad memory and really appreciate that my partner tells me when it's time to take out the garbage, do the dishes or our washing as otherwise I just don't think about it.
Author arizonangel Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 I have tried, but in the end he just considers me to be "controlling". A perfect example would be like yesterday. I had repeatedly asked him to put my clothes in the dryer while I was away at work. Did he do that? NO, because he was too busy spending time at his friend's probably smoking a bowl and playing video games....*sighs*
Enema Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Looks like you're trying, not a lot more you can do. Tried writing it down for him? Maybe he has trouble remembering things verbally. What's his reaction when you say, "Did you remember to put my clothes in the drier as I asked?"
Author arizonangel Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 Well the response I got yesterday was, "no, I didn't get home from (insert friends name here) till like 7 PM".
ack123 Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Im Sorry Sweetie You Are Feeling Down,..im Sure You Are A Beautiful Sensitive Person,..and No!! You Arent Stupid For Feeling Hurt Over Porn,..i Understand..i Had The Same Problem With My Ex...i Was Much Younger Than He,and It Intimidated Me.. And Later I Realized It Was About Him,...not Me...he Had Been Looking At Porn For Years,...he Still Hasnt Stopped Im Sure, But At Least Im Not Around To Know Or See It......take Care Of Yourself, And Try To Focus On The New Baby,....you Will Have A Little Person Who Will Love You No Matter What....god Bless......aack123
ack123 Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 God Bless You,..i Will Pray For You..........i Promise......ack123
D-Lish Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 It's very true about porn. Most men are visual creatures. I learned a long time ago to accept and reconcile with that fact. Have you ever watched it with him? Okay, I know you're pregnant- and it makes it extra hard to deal with such a thing. I'd be way more concerned about the pot smoking, video gaming and part time job. All these cry out "I'm not ready to be responsible". What kind of dad do you think he will be? Is he going to smoke pot and look after a new born? Is he going to play video games instead of raising his son? Is he going to support you? It seems as though you are taking on all the responsible roles. Good for you. The only person you can control is you. It's hard to know what to say about all this.... Besides telling him to get his lazy butt off the couch, get a more secure job and start pulling his weight so your baby can have two parents present.
Recommended Posts