Faith2 Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Two weeks ago, I broke NC in order to contact my ex about some important documents he recently found while doing research work on my father's music. We had been in NC for 5 weeks at that point. Here's the whole story... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114873/ or... long short short, he broke up with me in December and moved back to Germany in compliance with his parents' demands. When I broke NC two weeks ago, my ex and I then agreed to limited contact only in regard to the research project, and only in very tiny doses. So far so good... until yesterday and today. The past couple days, we've been trying to set up a mutually convenient time to work on a file together. He's been good about emailing me and offering flexible scheduling options. HOWEVER he has filled up his last two emails with telling me what he's doing before and after each of those scheduling options. ARGH!! TMI!!! I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!! I don't want to hear about what he's doing in his personal life, where he's going, when, or with whom. Especially not the latter. How can I tune it out? I've made a point of replying with a quote of his email, but deleting everything except the pertinent part about the actual project itself. I also do not tell him ANYthing about what I'm doing in my personal life... I only say I can or cannot do it at x or y time. I don't want to come right out and say "Don't tell me anything about your personal life" because he would read that as "She still cares/she's still hurting." (yes I do care/yes I'm still hurting... but I don't want him to think that.) Even though I initially hoped that limited contact would be fine, I now realize that at the moment I'm not yet strong enough to hear about his life with me no longer in it. Help...? Any tips about how to tune it out and yet still keep the research info coming? Should I say nothing and just keep ignoring his personal stuff?
LakesideDream Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 You don't "tune out" the things that disturb you and glom onto the goodies you want. That's just using him. Why don't you just tell him this isn't a good time to work together, and continue the NC. Maybe in the future you will be more comfortable with him.
Author Faith2 Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 You don't "tune out" the things that disturb you and glom onto the goodies you want. That's just using him. But that was our agreement.... contact only about the project, nothing else. Why don't you just tell him this isn't a good time to work together, and continue the NC. Maybe in the future you will be more comfortable with him. You are probably right. I didn't realize until his emails came this weekend how much it would hurt to hear about his social life without me.
Zapbasket Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I agree with lakeside, Faith. No project is worth putting yourself through a situation that feels like your heart is being rubbed up against a cheese grater. Maybe can you let more time pass--like 6 months--before you resume communicating with him about the project? And you can just tell him you're really busy now and can't put the energy into the project that you'd like. He doesn't need to know that you're still hurting.
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