sweetbutcheeky Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 The guy I have been dating for about 3 months now has confused me and my friends can't figure it out as well. Since we first started dating he would call me or almost every day and some maybe more than once. Well after 2 dates ago he stopped calling (the date went great, held my hand in public for the first time). I waited a few days wondering but waiting for him to call and then he saw me on msn and old me he said he had been sick and his phone was cut off, had a really bad week. Ok understandable. Then a few more days go by and still nothing, I let a few more go by, leave him a message and ask him if something is wrong because that is what my gut feeling was telling me. (If he hasn't called you in over 10 days total what else are you to think?) He calls me back and says nothing is wrong and said "I told you I wouldn't have as much free time once school started". Well that was a week ago and he doesn't start school until the 16th. When I call him he calls me back and we talk like nothing is wrong, for an hour or more. He will also call me back again later in the same day but after that day back to not calling. I am getting really frustrated! Why would a guy who was one to call every day maybe more turn overnight into a guy who can't find time to keep in touch? I don't want to be the only one calling and say do you want to do __ next weekend (I don't call every day, I give him lots of time to). I miss him calling and asking me out. When he called it showed he was interested, considerate and wanted to keep in touch. Not sure what to think now. (But when I call or he calls me back he is happy and enthusiastic - hey sweet pea or hey gorgeous! same when I suggest doing whatever together.) I saw him Monday and in person things are great, nothing wrong. In fact he is hugging me, kissing me and holding my hand even more in person. Anyone one have a clue what is going on? I was going to bring up the exclusive conversation but with all of this going on, not so sure. Thanks
Walk Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Could be a lot of things.. Maybe he felt you weren't that interested in him, so he's letting you do the initating... testing you. Maybe he's normally not the kind of person to intiate phone calls, and he's falling back into his regular routine. Maybe he believes you'd walk all over him if he kept pursuing you, so he backed way off. Maybe another girl entered the picture and he's playing both of you. Maybe he's stressing about school and has a ton of stuff on his plate right now? Can't really tell you what's going through his mind. I would suggest though that you ask him. Something along the lines of.. you noticed he doesn't initiate phone calls, and wondered why. Or maybe ask, "I noticed you haven't initiated phone calls lately... have you been really busy, or is there another reason". Kind of give him the benefit of the doubt, yet gives him the opportunity to speak up if it's really because he isn't that interested or whatever. When I first started dating my bf, it dawned on me at one point that he had stopped calling me and I was the one always calling... but he seemed happy to talk, and was more then eager to hang out with me... So I asked him why he stopped calling me. It wasn't a big deal to me, and I kept it light hearted, I was just curious about it... he explained why... and after that he started calling me more often. But if I'd sat there an obsessed over it.. then it probably would've created problems. Something simple could've become a major drama.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 I probably a good idea to ask him why he hasn't been initiating because it hasn't gotten to the point on obsessing but could if it goes on longer. Since I asked over a week ago if anything was wrong I didn't want to say anything farther because I didn't want to seem to him that I was obsessing. (because I am not, just noticing he change in pattern in him) I am curious, Walk what was your BF's reason? If you don't mind, I know it wouldn't be the same.
D-Lish Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Just be aware that all that charm- the push-pull behaviour could be a potential red flag. The charm can be so alluring- but demand the respect you deserve and stop reaching out to him so much.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 I had been thinking lately to stop calling and just let him call me, if he wants to talk to me he can call. But wasn't sure if that was playing games and also didn't want to over react and cause drama when there was a simple answer. So stuck in the middle, which is why I guess I call but not every day. (2 or 3)
Walk Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I am curious, Walk what was your BF's reason? If you don't mind, I know it wouldn't be the same. He was really great about it. This was quite a while ago, but the general gist of the conversation (I was talking to him on the phone) was along the lines of me saying "hey, I noticed I'm the one always calling you, why's that?" He basically said that he didn't want to pressure me, but if I wanted him to call first more often then he could do that. Then he asked if I wanted to hang out for a while. And after that, he started calling me more often... close to the 50/50 initiative thing. He was cool with it. I didn't see any need to beat around the bush about it, or get upset with whatever his answer was going to be. Figured if he wasn't that interested, then I'd rather know and move on. I like the direct approach when first dating. Too many problems are a result of miscommunication.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 Thanks for sharing your situation. I agree, I like this things to be direct and on the table (for the important things anyway, I don't like guessing). He actually did call last night for about an hour, until we both needed to get to sleep. I hope that maybe it's a sign he is back on track again, but time will tell (nothing yet today). If that's not the case then I will take your advice and probably say something like "I really liked it when he initiated calling me and was curious why he hasn't done that much lately".
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