Why won't MM ever give an explanation on why they ended the A?!?

[youlive&youlearn]

PLease anyone who has been through this,help me understand!

 

I have been with MM for a lil more then a year..He use to call me several times a day (just to see how my day is going,tell me he is thinking of me,loves me,misses me,etc!) or make an effort to see me it least twice a week,now for the last few weeks he has been acting very distant wich is strange and very unlike him!

 

Lately i have been the one to call,but when I do he says that he supposly has lil to no minutes so our conversations are very brief and always feel rushed..He makes exscuses about why he backed out on our plans or didn't pick up the phone..The past few days he hasn't been picking up his phone..Yesturday it was off most of the day..I finally got a hold of him that afternoon and he told me he was at home so therfore he turned his phone off ,,I told him even when it isn't off or when he isn't at home he wan't answer my calls or waits FOREVER to call me back.. he says that we just need to make the best of what lil time we have on the phone,that he now has a pre-paid phone (i saw him last week and he still has the same # and phone so i don't know if I belive that or not) I told him that things didn't seem the same between us,we hardly ever see one another because of him working or some other exscuse..so if he wanted to END our R then to tell me so ,he said that he would of already done so if that was the case..

 

He always sounds irritated when we do talk or says some crap like his friend just picked him up.Last night we had plans for a date night around 8:00 p.m. since i haven't seen him since Tuesday.. and that we didn't do anything last weekend because he had things he had to do at home with his family.I asked him if he was sure he would be done with "looking at a car" with his male friend by 8 ,& if it was a good time for him,,he assured me it was.. Sooo 8pm comes around I call him,no answer.....call several other times and still ...no answer.I leave messages,paged him...and like a FOOL waited around for him to call me...and he never did.

 

He pretty much stood me up..he use to do this ALL THE TIME early in our relationship so you would think this type of behavior from him wouldn't surprise me.. now things are different,i have stronger feelings for him,would neve hurt him ...so when he treats me like dirt it is painful.It's obvious that he 1.)has another OW 2.)Him and his W our getting along 3.)He want's nothing to do with me so he is avoiding me..... Im sure it's all 3.He does this to his W so i can't think he would never do it to me....when he already has!

 

I left him a message asking him for an explanation,and he has yet to call me back...This is the man who told me he would "always" love me,that he never wanted me to "hurt him",that I was his "heart",the only women he wanted to be with.....so why is it so danm hard for these men to END the A?????? or to tell the OW that it is Over???? I mean his actions have already prooven that we are over,done with,no longer together ,i just wish he would of told me when i asked him the other day that HE WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.Maybe he will eventually call me and explain why ...but it will be to late,and honestly i don't want to hear his lousy exscuses anymore...It want change the fact that i am hurting..He lies, lies..and lies some more .

[whichwayisup]

He probably wasn't getting what he needed or wanted from you and the affair anymore, so instead of telling you, he's showing you in how he treats you and his actions also show you that he's not interested anymore.

 

He's married and has a wife - Bottomline, that's not going to change.

 

Forget him, try to move on and definately stop talking/emailing/seeing him, go NC (no contact) and don't look back.

 

YOU end it, in your mind. And if he DOES by chance call you, YOU tell him "I longer want you in my life, don't ever call me again!" and hang up the phone. You take control, don't let him have it, otherwise you'll be waiting for him, and continue to be the OW....

 

You deserve better, and you deserve a man who is single and can offer you ALL of him, not just bits and pieces. Don't settle for anything less.

[Guest]

always read a man's actions before u listen to his words.... u already have ur answer. what more do u want

[outofdarkness]

You should stop trying to understand IMO..It will get you nowhere...It's driven me nuts for over two years now. You CAN'T understand why people act the way they do...most especially cheaters..You'll run into a brick wall every time. Good luck....and try to concentrate on YOU...A poster just told me that and it is really what I need to do...Sounds like you do too...We don't need to let someone else dictate our lives; although I can empathize w/ you about that. It's so easy when you love someone who is manipulative and knows how to play your feelings to loose yourself..Don't let yourself get to the point of driving yourself crazy after years of being w/ this guy. He'll say just about anything to keep you just w/in arm's length...And..I'm not even an OW..I'm the BW!!! They treat us the same way..

[2sunny]

bottom line is - he's married!

 

his priorities are with his family.

 

he is most likely getting heat from home or is under the microscope and doesn't want to be caught.

 

he may have several OW's going at the same time (some do).

 

find a man that is single and can make you a priority.

[puddleofmud]

Sadly, I think they do it just because they've learned that they CAN...

being experienced cheaters, these kind of guys know exactly what they want, how to get it and how to leave it if it's not working out the way they want.

You've expressed diss-satisfaction which is what a man who either feeds on ego boosts (how could a woman possibly be diss-satisfied with him? after all in his mind he has so much to offer (???), or who is too self-absorbed to care for any one else's needs but his own.

In his mind all this is "DISS"-ing HIM, not you! And anyone who might muck up his self-absorbed teeny weeny mind...is....well....dissed in return.

Doubtful that this type would ever consider that any "explanation" is needed but would rather leave you holding your own emotional bag, so to speak.

Having been though a similar situation; I agree with you that it is shocking and very very difficult to be left with feelings and no way to figure out "why".

Only you can decide how you will allow yourself to be treated.

Best wishes to you and keep posting as we are all here to support you as best we are able!

 

PLease anyone who has been through this,help me understand!

 

I have been with MM for a lil more then a year..He use to call me several times a day (just to see how my day is going,tell me he is thinking of me,loves me,misses me,etc!) or make an effort to see me it least twice a week,now for the last few weeks he has been acting very distant wich is strange and very unlike him!

 

Lately i have been the one to call,but when I do he says that he supposly has lil to no minutes so our conversations are very brief and always feel rushed..He makes exscuses about why he backed out on our plans or didn't pick up the phone..The past few days he hasn't been picking up his phone..Yesturday it was off most of the day..I finally got a hold of him that afternoon and he told me he was at home so therfore he turned his phone off ,,I told him even when it isn't off or when he isn't at home he wan't answer my calls or waits FOREVER to call me back.. he says that we just need to make the best of what lil time we have on the phone,that he now has a pre-paid phone (i saw him last week and he still has the same # and phone so i don't know if I belive that or not) I told him that things didn't seem the same between us,we hardly ever see one another because of him working or some other exscuse..so if he wanted to END our R then to tell me so ,he said that he would of already done so if that was the case..

 

He always sounds irritated when we do talk or says some crap like his friend just picked him up.Last night we had plans for a date night around 8:00 p.m. since i haven't seen him since Tuesday.. and that we didn't do anything last weekend because he had things he had to do at home with his family.I asked him if he was sure he would be done with "looking at a car" with his male friend by 8 ,& if it was a good time for him,,he assured me it was.. Sooo 8pm comes around I call him,no answer.....call several other times and still ...no answer.I leave messages,paged him...and like a FOOL waited around for him to call me...and he never did.

 

He pretty much stood me up..he use to do this ALL THE TIME early in our relationship so you would think this type of behavior from him wouldn't surprise me.. now things are different,i have stronger feelings for him,would neve hurt him ...so when he treats me like dirt it is painful.It's obvious that he 1.)has another OW 2.)Him and his W our getting along 3.)He want's nothing to do with me so he is avoiding me..... Im sure it's all 3.He does this to his W so i can't think he would never do it to me....when he already has!

 

I left him a message asking him for an explanation,and he has yet to call me back...This is the man who told me he would "always" love me,that he never wanted me to "hurt him",that I was his "heart",the only women he wanted to be with.....so why is it so danm hard for these men to END the A?????? or to tell the OW that it is Over???? I mean his actions have already prooven that we are over,done with,no longer together ,i just wish he would of told me when i asked him the other day that HE WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.Maybe he will eventually call me and explain why ...but it will be to late,and honestly i don't want to hear his lousy exscuses anymore...It want change the fact that i am hurting..He lies, lies..and lies some more .

[woe_is_me]

I have been with MM for a lil more then a year..He use to call me several times a day (just to see how my day is going,tell me he is thinking of me,loves me,misses me,etc!)

 

That was so he could start getting into your brain i.e 'brainwashing you'

 

xMM used to call alllll the time in the beginning and playfully tell me off for not calling him back/knowing which no. was his.. i remember he made me go through all my unrecognised numbers and delete them because they weren't his...!

 

Your MM probably won't break it off properly at all .. he might want (not need) to use you again a few years down the track.... harsh but true.

 

He is also displaying a lot of the same behaviour my xmm did towards the end of the A. Twisted jerks they are...

 

Just take care of yourself!

[kymberann]

Asking for an explanation will only make you hurt worse because he will not tell you what you want to hear. He wants to lead you on! Plus you won't buy it even if it is what you want to hear. See it's like this, in an A you are always doubting, questioning and scrutinizing MM's thoughts, responses, reactions and behaviors whether he is giving you tons of love and affection or ignoring you like crazy. I say do what you need to do to protect yourself! That is all that matters!

Best to you!

[youlive&youlearn]

Well Well MM finally called me/ (when convienant for him of course) returned my calls.. like the idiot I can be,I picked up the phone and Told him off,how I was feeling and pretty much everything that was said in my post. He told me that the reason why he avoided me last night and backed out on our plans is because his "in-laws" came over at the last minute and stayed over late.I told him that he could of called me and told me that it wasn't going to work out and we would of made plans another day,instead of leaving me hanging.He said W was with him the whole day,watching everything he did,so he couldn't get out to even call me for a few minutes.He also kept telling me he "loved me" and was "sorry..

 

whatever!

 

This wasn't the first time he has done something like this ,and everytime it has been some lame ,sorry exscuse.

 

Oh and get this he even had the nerve to ask me if he could come over tonight......HA!

 

I appreciate all of the advice .. all of you are so right!

[whichwayisup]

The man has no intention of changing his life, ending his marriage so you two can be together. You are the OW - So you have two choices. Accept it and deal with what comes with an affair, or tell him goodbye because you deserve better and deserve someone who is more available and can give you ALL of him, instead of just bits and pieces on HIS terms and HIS time.

 

I hope you get the strength to end it. For your own self worth and self happiness.

[smartgirl]

You know this man lies to his wife to keep getting what he wants when he wants it. Why would you think he will treat you any differently? People on these threads call men like this "cake-eaters" for a reason.

 

Assume the worse and you will act in a way that it is in your own interests. Make excuses for him and you act only in his interests.

 

It seems clear to me his wife suspects and he is laying low until the coast is clear. Why on Earth would you stick around for that?

[stillafool]

Your complaining to him and about him is sounding too much like a wife to him. He will string you along because he doesn't want to upset you because you may tell his wife. Also it is convienient to use the "in-law" thing and wife being there all day as a reason not to call. They all do that. Next, it will be the kids is the reason he didn't call. He is a bonifide lier. He lied to his wife and he will definitely lie to you. He probably has another OW because it is spring and he probably wants that "newly in love" feeling they seem to crave. He will never come right out an end it because he doesn't have the balls and never knows when he will need you again. It also boosts his ego to know you are wanting him.

 

Show this creep the door, don't wait for him to do it. He is someone else's burden anyway, so let him go.

[Guest]

i was in this same situation. turns our he had 'another' other woman and had been seeing her for 6 months and didn't know how to tell me. he's fallen for this other other woman and feels its not fair on her to continue to see me. i hope you are not in the same situation, but i thought i would share this with you just incase.