addicted2love Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 I've been M for almost 13 years. My H has had 3 PA's and I've had an EA. I used to believe in "traditional" marriage. I used to believe in my marriage vows and took them very seriously. That was before my H slept w/ 3 OW. Now I look at married people so much differently. I look at married couples and think......it's just a matter of time before one of you will wander. It seems like infidelity is more common these days than being faithful. When I'm out and about and I see married couples that appear to be happy I can't help but wonder...Does one of them have a giant secret? Maybe both of them have OP in the background and they are putting on the "happy face" for show. I know more married couples where one of the spouses has strayed than I do ones that are faithful and commited. Nothing surprises me anymore. Does anyone else ponder these things or am I just jaded?
whichwayisup Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1150301#post1150301 This is the start of an interesting topic dicussion, check out MT's post. I try not to compare what I have with my H to what others have. Everybody has their own "norm", and yeah, you may see lovey-dovey couples out in the street, holding hands, looking happy, but at the end of the day you don't know what goes on behind closed doors...
Author addicted2love Posted April 8, 2007 Author Posted April 8, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1150301#post1150301 This is the start of an interesting topic dicussion, check out MT's post. I try not to compare what I have with my H to what others have. Everybody has their own "norm", and yeah, you may see lovey-dovey couples out in the street, holding hands, looking happy, but at the end of the day you don't know what goes on behind closed doors... Wow I love that post...thanks for sharing!
lovernotafighter Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 nah, A2L I don't look at people and think that. I can not look at a couple and assume the other shoe will drop at any moment. it is the attitudes and mental state of the people within those relationships that define the outcome. imo is that people should not been committed to full time slavery when you decide to get married and many times spouses keep there other on a short leash. if people try to to control others I think its human nature to try to break out, run down the street, get a taste of freedom. that is what I think I see most with people I know personally that have problem relationships that often lead to infidelity. it boils down to not letting your spouse be who they are and not what you want them to be..so sad that its a common phenomena amoung married couples. Why do you think you think about other couples A2L?
Curmudgeon Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 Does anyone else ponder these things or am I just jaded? I hope you're just jaded. Infidelity, even one time, would be a deal-breaker in our marriage because we do take our vows and commitments to one another that seriously. For WWIA: My wife and I do hold hands together when we walk. While we may just look like a pair of silly old farts to some, we enjoy the closeness and one another.
Ruby Tuesday Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 CD - You don't know what you would do until you have been through it and experienced it. Hopefully, you won't ever have to do that. A2L - Just remember it is a wedding, not a funeral. It's the beginning of a new story. Their story. I also get a little melancholy at weddings because *I* wanted the fairytale, very badly, but it just didn't work out that way. At 36 I am a little too old for fairytales. I will have to write my own happy ending with my FWH.
Curmudgeon Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 CD - You don't know what you would do until you have been through it and experienced it. Hopefully, you won't ever have to do that. QUOTE] It was with the ex. The second time I divorced her. There wouldn't be a second time if it ever happened again. Thankfully, it won't!
Author addicted2love Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 Why do you think you think about other couples A2L? I don't know LNF I guess I'm just questioning everything these days. I truly believed in and took my marriage vows seriously...until my H pulled the rug out from under me. Then exBF (the one that got away) breezes back into my life professes undying love and promises the happy ending...I'm ready to ride off into the sunset and then bam...there goes the rug again. Just makes me think...the two men I've ever loved and trusted both promised the moon and delivered heart ache. It's hard for me to believe in commitment, true love, fidelity...til death do us part, etc. I know that to my family my H and I look like a strongly commited couple that will grow old together but they have no idea what has gone on in our M. So it makes me wonder when I see "happy" couples...how long will it last? I know it's a terrible way to look at things. I just don't know what I believe in anymore. My reality has been so different from my expectations as far as my romantic relationships are concerned. I hope I can get over feeling this way. I don't trust anyone, and nothing surprises me any more. It's difficult to believe in "happy endings" when your heart has been broken and your hopes have been dashed so many times.
Babybird Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 A2L: Maybe you are a little jaded but you have been through a lot of sh*t. You are entitled to be doubtful and hurt. I catch myself looking at married couples now and thinking wow if she/he only knew what their W/H is doing behind their back. It isn't very often that you see couples that are totally faithful anymore. My exH cheated on me and I was more shocked than I was hurt by his action. I was hurt that he decided to sleep with my BF, but I suppose thats to be expected. His family was completely shocked when we announced we were getting divorced. They had no idea how bad things were between us. As far as doubting how long the next R will last...why wouldn't you?? Once you've been burned, and by both men you loved, then I would be scared too! I was burned really bad before I met my MM and the odds are that he will crush me, but I finally gave in and went with my emotions. I think life is too short to be scared all the time. If my heart breaks again it'll heal, and so will yours. It just takes A LOT of time. So in summary if you a little jaded you have every right to feel that way and you are not alone.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I've been M for almost 13 years. My H has had 3 PA's and I've had an EA. I used to believe in "traditional" marriage. I used to believe in my marriage vows and took them very seriously. That was before my H slept w/ 3 OW. Now I look at married people so much differently. I look at married couples and think......it's just a matter of time before one of you will wander. It seems like infidelity is more common these days than being faithful. When I'm out and about and I see married couples that appear to be happy I can't help but wonder...Does one of them have a giant secret? Maybe both of them have OP in the background and they are putting on the "happy face" for show. I know more married couples where one of the spouses has strayed than I do ones that are faithful and commited. Nothing surprises me anymore. Does anyone else ponder these things or am I just jaded? I ponder these things daily and I consider myself jaded!
Trialbyfire Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I'm going through a divorce with a serial cheater. I still believe in fidelity in any relationship. One individual's moral bankruptcy will not impact on my personal principles or make me believe that everyone cheats.
Meaplus3 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1150301#post1150301 This is the start of an interesting topic dicussion, check out MT's post. I try not to compare what I have with my H to what others have. Everybody has their own "norm", and yeah, you may see lovey-dovey couples out in the street, holding hands, looking happy, but at the end of the day you don't know what goes on behind closed doors... That's and awesome post by MT. Thank's for sharing the link.
Curmudgeon Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 That's my take on it as well - not the divorce part but the not letting the actions of another color your personal values. Part of why i divorced the ex was infidelity on her part. One reason I married my wife was because I didn't believe that would ever be an issue, and still don't.
Author addicted2love Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 A2L: Maybe you are a little jaded but you have been through a lot of sh*t. You are entitled to be doubtful and hurt. I catch myself looking at married couples now and thinking wow if she/he only knew what their W/H is doing behind their back. It isn't very often that you see couples that are totally faithful anymore. My exH cheated on me and I was more shocked than I was hurt by his action. I was hurt that he decided to sleep with my BF, but I suppose thats to be expected. His family was completely shocked when we announced we were getting divorced. They had no idea how bad things were between us. As far as doubting how long the next R will last...why wouldn't you?? Once you've been burned, and by both men you loved, then I would be scared too! I was burned really bad before I met my MM and the odds are that he will crush me, but I finally gave in and went with my emotions. I think life is too short to be scared all the time. If my heart breaks again it'll heal, and so will yours. It just takes A LOT of time. So in summary if you a little jaded you have every right to feel that way and you are not alone. Thanks, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has these thoughts. I don't want to be so negative...truly I don't. I swear I just don't know what to believe in any more!
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