Tamera Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 I have been dating this guy for over a year now. He is 33 and I am 30 so we are not children. well I have let him know that I want to get married and he says he wants to marry me however he does not appear to have a plan and if I talk about it to frequently or try to make it concrete he becomes nervous and upset. He says this is because we talk about it all the time. But if he truly wanted to marry me wouldn't he be excited to talk to me about it. I just do not want him to string me along. So at times he seems really mature and into it and other times I can't tell. Unfortunately I have allowed myself to fall in love with him and he knows that. How do you know if a guy is stringing you along or if he plans to marry you?
SydneyHeart Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Well, I'm not a man, but I thought I'd chime in anyway My hubby said he knew the second he laid eyes on me The thing is it's up to you in the end. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't feel as excited as you are about the idea of getting married? I'm not saying you shouldn't want to, I'm asking. Because either it doesn't change how you feel about him, and you just continue to be happy being with him, and see where you end up, OR it upsets you, drives you nuts, etc etc and it DOES affect how you feel about him, and you keep trying to get him to be on the same page, which makes him uncomfortable because thats not how he thinks, thats how you think, and he feels pressured and nagged, and you feel stiffed, and it all becomes about the wedding you may never have and not about 2 people in love anymore.... A year is not that long, and you guys are not that old! He is not stringing you along, he just isn't sure if he wants to be married to ANYONE yet
Mr. Lucky Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 How do you know if a guy is stringing you along or if he plans to marry you? I hate to be a smartass, but you'll know because he will take you to dinner at a nice restaurant, get down on one knee, pull out a ring and ask you. Doesn't sound like your guy is headed that way, so you have two choices - either forget about it for now or find someone else whose goals are the same as yours. Sounds like your current system of picking at him about it is counter-productive... Mr. Lucky
Desperate HH Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 you'll know because he will take you to dinner at a nice restaurant, get down on one knee, pull out a ring and ask you. Doesn't sound like your guy is headed that way, so you have two choices - either forget about it for now or find someone else A third choice - take him out to a nice dinner, pull out a ring, and ASK HIM! You have a question, let him know you expect an answer. Yes or No. If Yes, you will be informing your friends and family, and setting a tentative date, so you can proceed with planning the festivities. Of course he may not give the answer you want....
michelangelo Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 If you are a traditional kind of woman you have to pin him down and set a date for the wedding. But the way you do this is give him a timeframe for him to ask you to marry him. Say, six months. If he hasn't asked you to marry and you two set a date for the wedding, then you know he is too ambivalent to ask you. So after that six months, you either are engaged with a wedding date or deciding to drift along as you are now or you break up.
FireandIce Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 You guys haven't been together for very long so I say give it some time. He has said he wants to marry you but perhaps he's just not ready yet and that's why he doesn't want to discuss it right now. It's not like you guys have been together for 5 or 10 years and he still hasn't popped the question. Don't push it, just enjoy your relationship that you have.
grapeape Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 My goodness girl. Slow down and enjoy the ride. You're only 30, not 50. Obviously he is not ready for marriage. It doesn't mean that he won't ever be ready and if you play your cards right, it will be with you. Give him room to breath and just let the relationship grow. If it's destined for marriage than it will happen all on its own. Invest in the relationship and enjoy your time together whether it lasts another month or entire lifetime.
car2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Don't get married. Not yet, at least. I did what your boyfriend is doing now, but I gave in and we got married. Now, I wish I'd given myself more time, I might not have made the same decision. I'm not saying break up with him, you've only been together a year. He may not come around, but believe me, you don't want to push him too hard. If you do and he bolts, consider yourself lucky. If he doesn't and agrees to get married, be careful he's not just trying to appease you and has convinced himself everything will be ok because you are so sure its the right thing to do. Read some of the posts on these boards, and ask yourself some tough questions about your relationship with him.
tommyr Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Can we assume you both are already living together? Part of the problem is you already are living like a married couple, so he may be thinking "things are pretty good right now... why bother with the stress and expense of a wedding". If the relationship is really working great - this is the guy to be your husband and you his wife - then I would tell him you expect to get married within X months/years (pick a number). If he cannot make such a commitment, then you must be true to your own life goals and move on to a man who is not afraid of marriage.
Ladyhawk Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 First of all, just because a guy says he'd like to marry you doesn't mean he's ready to do it right now. Secondly, if you're living with him there is no sense of urgency on his part. Marriage doesn't provide him with anything he's not already getting . Third, dating someone for a year is hardly enough time to make a decision about marrying them, whether you're 30 or 130, IMHO. Still, if you're really serious about it, and you are living with him, move out. Do it on freindly terms and let him know you'll move back in with him when you are a "Mrs.". If you're not living with him, consider dating him awhile longer and drop the subject. Do not bring it up again. If after 6 months or so he doesn't bring it up, it's probably time for you to move on.
rainfall Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Why don't you just slow down and enjoy your relationship as it is now? You said that he wants to marry you so unless you feel he is lying to you why the rush to get married now? Maybe wait about a year or so and if things are going great then bring up the subject of marriage with him again.
happygirl70 Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 At 30 and over, a year is plenty of time for a man to know whether or not he wants to marry you. The timeline idea is a good one, I think, but you really have to know in your heart that when the deadline comes and goes that you will do what you said you would... move on or live with the fact that he doesn't want to get married yet. YOU have to make the right decision for you as to whether you want to wait! 5 years is simply too long to wait for someone to commit, he either does or ne doesn't. I bet in his heart he already has the answer. Search your heart and really look at the pros and cons of the relationship and if you can live an undetermined amount of time (and life) for him. Your life is kind of "on hold" right now and you have to make peace with whether that is good for you or not.
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