redplanet Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 This has been touched on in a post I read a couple of days ago, but I didn't want to threadjack. It has stayed on my mind so I thought I would start a new thread. Being three and a half weeks into NC (initiated by xMM) some weird thoughts go through my mind and one that comes up is 'would I ever be with another MM'? I most definitely think not, but I never thought I would be with a MM in the first instance, so I guess there is a remote possibility that I could fall for it again. It's a terrifying thought really, but love is so powerful that anything's possible. Does anyone else have these crazy thoughts or do you think it's part of the grieving process I am experiencing?
scaredinlove Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 This has been touched on in a post I read a couple of days ago, but I didn't want to threadjack. It has stayed on my mind so I thought I would start a new thread. Being three and a half weeks into NC (initiated by xMM) some weird thoughts go through my mind and one that comes up is 'would I ever be with another MM'? I most definitely think not, but I never thought I would be with a MM in the first instance, so I guess there is a remote possibility that I could fall for it again. It's a terrifying thought really, but love is so powerful that anything's possible. Does anyone else have these crazy thoughts or do you think it's part of the grieving process I am experiencing? I don't think I would put myself in this crazy situation again, i think I would move out of the country if I had too. But I think your feelings are quite normal. I have been in a abusive relationship for 14 yrs, my exH was really crazy never worked and abused me, emotionally and mentally. In the end of the marriage he started abusing me phisically. I am afraid of getting married again because I am afraid of getting in the same situation. I guess with time you wont feel like that anymore,and i will lose my fear of marriage. Just don't let yourself fall for another married man, it is a bad bad situation, you deserve someone who will be there for you all the time. Good luck in your healing process.
woe_is_me Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 I'd never been with a MM either red... but i had been a BW Was that my way of getting even? I still don't know..the idea seemed fun.. at the time. I couldn't forsee the full on EA that was to come though. Nor did i think of memories that could never be erased...Either did MM obviously... We both got burnt and I will never ever ever ever become involved with a married man again as long as i live.
Island Girl Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 It's a terrifying thought really, but love is so powerful that anything's possible. It is only "love" after you indeed get involved. So don't and there won't be a problem.
whichwayisup Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 so I guess there is a remote possibility that I could fall for it again. If you allow yourself to fall inlove with another married man and you CHOOSE to pursue him, then you've learned nothing from what you are/have gone through. Why on earth would someone, male or female, get involved a SECOND time with a married person, is just crazy. You now KNOW better and know the pain. Why the heck would you want to inflict all that upon yourself again?
Author redplanet Posted April 8, 2007 Author Posted April 8, 2007 I doubt that I will ever be in another R let alone seriously entertain the idea of being involved with another MM. I don't know why I have had thoughts about this other than my excuse of feeling a little 'crazy' following the recent aftermath of the end of a beautiful R. I am curious about whether others have these thoughts and/or if others have actually been drawn into the situation again. Thanks for the responses and thanks for all the posts on LS. I read them often, just not been posting myself. I have found most of them to be very helpful and supportive.
pureinheart Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 It is totally possible redplant to end up in the same situation again. Look at what got you there to begin with. In many posts in the past I have read that the A "just happened", I mostlikely spoke it also at some point. These things do not just happen, we allow them to happen because we do not care for whatever reason. Also, here is a possibility to explore....I used to have MM hit on me all of the time, now have none, the MM are all very respectful and never get out of line in any way....was there something going on with me that these other MM sensed, if so, it is not there now....Good luck!
whichwayisup Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 You just have to set yourself up with boundries and lines that you won't ever cross, even if you find yourself attracted to someone who is married. You can control your behaviour and reactions so it won't happen again.
Freedom Now Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 Would I ever get involved with a MM ever again? Well first of all I didn't KNOW I was getting involved with a MM, as he lied to me about being married. But to willingly jump into that fire again? I'd rather stick needles in my eyes.
sadbuttrue Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 i would never want to put myself into a situation like this again. it is the worst, most painful, heart-wrenching experience of my life. i will never be with a MM again until it is my MM---one that actually wants to marry me and not leave me to run home to his W every day. i am tired of getting left, not being able to contact him when i want to, not being able to share important news with him because he may be at home with his W. i am sick of not being good enough to be number one in his life. no i will never even take a second look at a MM again.
stillhere Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 Never say never, but like FN said, i will not willingly set myself up for failure a second time!! I've told myself and i've told my MM, never will i fall in love with another MM. The heartache i've experienced has been more than i ever wished to bear in my life, why would i put myself through all of this again? I want and need a man who will give me his all and make me number one.
SoxPrincess Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 I'm pretty sure I'd rather poke my eyes out with sporks before ever getting involved with an MM again. There is no way I would willingly put myself through that kind of pain again and the pain that was caused to exMM's BW. The first time I fell for all the sweet talk, endless promises and all the lies..next time, no..no..I am much wiser and stronger now.
kymberann Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I would not only poke my eyes out with sporks, I'd stand on burning coals and slowly walk for miles and shoot bamboo shoots under my nails before I ever ever get involved! Big lesson learned, I don't regret it, but I won't ever do it! Best
NoIDidn't Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Jinxx, I like that, short and to the point. LOL. It takes a lot of self-control to not get caught up in the intense emotions evoked when one is with a MM/MW. For those that believe that love is all that matters, I say it will happen again because they allow their feelings to guide them instead of guiding their feelings. It also depends on the tme of life someone is in. If a person has been going through a drought of intimate personal relationships or has been hurt deeply and shied away from them and then this high and intense opportunity comes along, its hard to turn away from that. But it goes back to self-control and personal determination to avoid it at all costs. I have never been involved as a primary in an A, but I have seen its effects on many of my loved ones (not speaking of my home, but of others that I know). Its powerful and sad to watch a person going on that downward spiral when they are caught up in what they think is love. Its even more sad to watch them willingly go through it again with that eternally DUMB notion that "Tis better to love and lose than to never love at all". Love doesn't have to be hidden or lied about. If one did find themselves in another A, they may need to find out if they are a "love addict".
herenow Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I can say that I would never become involved with a MM that isn't my husband. Even when I was single, I was able to keep myself from falling for a MM. I was, and still am, immediately repulsed when a MM would hit on me. I always knew that I could never have feelings for someone who was willing to cheat on his wife. It didn't matter how charming, handsome, or persistent they would be, cheating was a turn off for me. I even had a MM leave me presents on my desk to try and get my attention. No way buddy, if a man is married, I could never find it in myself to get involved. I know how persistent MM can be when they want something and I know first hand that you can help who you fall in love with. I believe that you can say never and that you do have control of your actions and if an OW is determined to never feel that kind of hurt again, then for them it will be never.
Babybird Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I would not only poke my eyes out with sporks, I'd stand on burning coals and slowly walk for miles and shoot bamboo shoots under my nails before I ever ever get involved! Big lesson learned, I don't regret it, but I won't ever do it! Best LMAO If MM and I split, if he never leaves his W, if we don't end up together....screw the MM! I give up on men in general for a long time. MM again...hell no. I would do what kymberann said and more before I openly hand my heart to someone to stomp on and hand back to me completely mangled. I think I'd have an internet fling and buy a toy. Solves a lot of problems.
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