Andy L Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Why this happen? How did (or do) you feel? Did your hubby know? How many years of marriage? How many time did you cheat on him? What do you think those sex affair? Do you feel guilty but liked the sex with other man? Please anyone to share something?
Not_That_Innocent Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 Why this happen? For many reasons, but I guess the main one being that my marriage lacked spark and passion. We both knew it, but seemed helpless to do anything about it. My husband never communicated his feelings and as a result secretively resented me. I could tell, but he wouldn't admit it. Because he didn't communicate I had a tendency to take control of things, nagged him all the time about the things I felt he wasn't doing right. Although we loved each other, the passion faded because our communication wasn't honest. Dishonest communication led to lack of intimacy. I am 35, husband is 46. He had less interest in sex than me. I wanted him to want me more, wanted to try new things, some of which he didn't agree with. Met a really good looking guy who gave me a lot of attention. We had a lot of racey discussions about sex. The first time we were alone we wanted each other badly, so it happened. How did (or do) you feel? At first, I was so caught up in the sex that I didn't feel badly about it, felt justified almost. After a while I felt guilty because my husband is a decent guy and didn't deserve to be cheated on. Did your hubby know? He eventually found out, but not because I told him. He caught me on the phone with the OM and even then I denied it. But once he found the condoms in my purse, it was pretty hard to deny. To this day, he still doesn't know everything. How many years of marriage? Eight years of marriage, five years of dating before we married. How many time did you cheat on him? Numerous times with the same guy. But it got to the point I started thinking about wanting to sleep with other men (haven't) so I separated from my husband as I wasn't sure if I could ever be faithful again. What do you think those sex affair? Do you feel guilty but liked the sex with other man? Yes, I loved the sex with the other man. My husband was never able to turn me on like he could. Plus, I felt safe in the fact that since I am married the relationship with the OM would never turn into anything more than sex. But like they say, what goes around comes around. This OM turned out to be a real jerk! (look who's talking )
Guest Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 ok, Not_That_Innocent! now i know why this is your nick-name... but tell please: do you have children? how long do you have sex with the OM? how was the first time? did you have any guilty after the first time or just after more time? do you want tell your hubby everything? want leave him? want leave the OM?
Author Andy L Posted April 8, 2007 Author Posted April 8, 2007 ok, Not_That_Innocent! now i know why this is your nick-name... but tell please: do you have children? how long do you have sex with the OM? how was the first time? did you have any guilty after the first time or just after more time? do you want tell your hubby everything? want leave him? want leave the OM?
Sup Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 NTI, if you don't mind me asking, what's going on with your husband? Are you gonna let your husband go and find someone else? Is he very angry at you about all of this? I don't have to tell ya, he's destroyed by this.
Not_That_Innocent Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Andy - no, we don't have children. Thank goodness 'cause what a wonderful role model I'd be. I had sex with the OM on and off for a few months, 8-10 times altogether. After the first time with the OM I felt guilty, but not for cheating on my husband. I felt guilty that another man could make me feel so good. I didn't have feelings of guilt until my husband found out and I realized how devastated he was. He would have never expected such behavior from me. I do want to tell my husband everything, but I'm afraid it will kill him, he would kill himself, or me. Seriously. I know that if we ever have a chance at reconciliation I have to tell him everything. One of the things he doesn't know is that I work with the guy. He also doesn't know how many times we were together. Sup - yes, he is very angry and completely devastated. He wants me to come back home but I don't dare tell him that I don't want to for fear of cheating again. I don't think my husband will ever be able to satisfy me sexually again and I don't think I could live like that. But yes, he is completely destroyed. That is why I mentioned him killing himself or killing me. My selfishness completely ruined his life!!!
Author Andy L Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 please Not_that_innocent let me add some more questions: 1) when was your last meeting with the OM? 2) when did your hubby find the sign of cheating (condoms..)? 3) did you have any meeting with the OM (to sleep with) after your hubby found something? 4) how old is the OM? 5) how is your sex life with hubby after he found that sign? 6) are you trying to stop with the OM? And think is it possible by working together? 7) do you think you're addict to sex with the OM? 8) where is the place to meet the OM? 9) do you still want to work your marriage?
Sup Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Andy - no, we don't have children. Thank goodness 'cause what a wonderful role model I'd be. I had sex with the OM on and off for a few months, 8-10 times altogether. After the first time with the OM I felt guilty, but not for cheating on my husband. I felt guilty that another man could make me feel so good. I didn't have feelings of guilt until my husband found out and I realized how devastated he was. He would have never expected such behavior from me. I do want to tell my husband everything, but I'm afraid it will kill him, he would kill himself, or me. Seriously. I know that if we ever have a chance at reconciliation I have to tell him everything. One of the things he doesn't know is that I work with the guy. He also doesn't know how many times we were together. Sup - yes, he is very angry and completely devastated. He wants me to come back home but I don't dare tell him that I don't want to for fear of cheating again. I don't think my husband will ever be able to satisfy me sexually again and I don't think I could live like that. But yes, he is completely destroyed. That is why I mentioned him killing himself or killing me. My selfishness completely ruined his life!!! Then you need to tell him that it's time you two Divorced, make darn sure that you don't take him for anything, that would be insult to injury. The truth WILL come out eventually, even if you don't get back together. I'm sure by now you realize that what reasons you gave were NO excuse to cheat, but, it's too late now. I hope at least you didn't do this in your own home. He probably thinks what was he doing while you were doing this to him, I KNOW you thought of him, what he was doing, while you were riding OM and having your orgasms......... You need to take responsibilty for YOUR actions lady, I highly suggest counseling, in a safe environment, yes, he WILL be MAD! He has every right to be! Perhaps to let him know that it's over, what happened, details, etc., you know he wonders now, and WILL wonder what happened, that part IS killing him right now! The fact is lady, is that YOU can't blame him for any of this, YOU did this to him, when it didn't have to happen. I know it's harsh, but, it's the truth, and you know it. This is the time you take responsibility for your actions, and don't blame him, don't drag this on for years. I don't know how right on I am about what I said, but, like I said lady, I know it's harsh, but, I DON'T hold punches, and apparently, neither did you! IMO, you husband deserves better. I don't know if your marriage can be saved, only God knows.
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