I lost my best friend

[jbmarine]

Per the wonderful advice of some of the great members on this forum, I want to start a thread for those who have lost their dogs, cats, or other close animals. Today, I learned that my dog, who had been my best friend for 13 years and 5 months, had a very advanced form of liver cancer. It was to the point that he was suffering from dimensia, had lost control of his bladder, couldn't stand up, and his skin had even started turning yellow. When we brought him to the vet, she only needed to look at him for less than 5 minutes before telling us that he would only have a week to live. I didn't want to see him in pain, so I decided to go ahead with the anesthesia. As she went to get the Ketamine which would be used as the euthanasia, I had my chance to say my goodbyes in private. I held him, whispered to him, and just started crying. I had to pull away, and what scared me was that I could see that he was scared. He looked up at me with those big, cataract enveloped eyes, and he followed my every movement, my pacing throughout the room. The vet (an amazing person I might add) came in with an assistant, and the procedure began. As he slipped into unconsciousness, I held him tighter than ever, but it still wasn't tight enough to keep him from leaving. I looked into those eyes for the last time, and as much as I want to say that he looked back at me with love, I think that I saw betrayal. At 5:34 p.m., his heart stopped, he gave one last sigh, and his head was on my lap. I was leaving the vet, sobbing, which for me, isn't something that I do much at all. I couldn't even remember the last time I cried, let alone wept. Although I'm not a religious person by any means, one of the women behind the desk said something to me that stuck. He died on Good Friday.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm sorry to hear about this. Pets are family. Better this than the extended pain and disability.

 

I started to write my story but couldn't do it without crying. Needless to say, I understand.

[woe_is_me]

I am so sorry about your loss jb

 

Like Trial.. i too could go into my story but it only brings back pain..and from time to time i do think about it..and it always hurts...

 

Time and future events are about all that ease the pain..

 

Be it dogs or cats no one wants to lose their best friend

 

My rotti was hit by a car when she was six .. i had an indentical puppy not a week later ..it didn't erase the memory of my former pooch though..

omg im getting really sad ..doh!...! I still have that replacement pup ..she will be 7 in June!

 

My mother not long ago had to have her beloved 17 y.o cat euthanased ...pretty cat didn't look a day over eight..that was agonising for her..

 

Chin up and try to remember the good times!

[whichwayisup]

Whoa, I've got major tears in my eyes reading your post...I am so sorry about what you just had to go through JB...

 

I had one cat die at home, and her brother almost 6 months later, I had to put down. They'd never been separated or apart.

 

Both was hard to go through, having to deal with losing a pet at home, and then the guilt of having to put down the other one, but having gone through what I did with the sister cat, I knew with the other one, when the time was near........ahh .. it's hard, it sucks, the pain is just like losing a human and it takes time to grieve and feel better. It's been almost 6 years and I still miss them both like crazy.

[whichwayisup]

TBF, and WIM I am sorry for your losses too.

 

JB, checkout rainbow bridge.....

[jbmarine]

Thanks for the support. I woke up this morning and found myself looking for him in all of his usual haunts here at the house. I believe that just as two loves will never be the same, two pets will never be the same, either. I guess that all I can do is hope that whoever comes next will be just as fun and interesting in their own way.

[whichwayisup]

Try and get out of your house today, it helps. I remember after I came home, (losing the 2nd cat) every room I went into gave me that sick sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and my heart hurt. My husband and I sat in hallway together upstairs, crying.

 

Yup, you're right, no two pets are the same, but the love will always be there!

[jbmarine]

Try and get out of your house today, it helps. I remember after I came home, (losing the 2nd cat) every room I went into gave me that sick sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and my heart hurt. My husband and I sat in hallway together upstairs, crying.

 

Yup, you're right, no two pets are the same, but the love will always be there!

 

 

Thanks. I guess I should get out of the house. Part of what shocks me is how much pain and grief this is causing. I knew that at his age, he didn't have much longer to live, and that he lived an incredible life, but I'm still so down. I just need to keep my mind off of it for a while.

 

 

P.S. In relation to my post in the "How I seduced a married woman" thread, I must agree with myself.... This site is AMAZING, the people here are GREAT, and I want to stay here for a long time.

[whichwayisup]

Another thing I did right away was get rid of the litterbox, and any toys, the catfood dish etc, because seeing that stuff really upset me.

My cats were old, when I moved, my mom gave me the cats since I looked after them, so they actually were part of my teen years too! I was 30 when they died, and I had them since I was like 14! Tough loss I tell ya.....

 

Ha, as you can see by my post count, I'm pretty addicted to this place! I'm sure you'll love being here as much as me and the rest of the LS loonies! Glad to help ya out, anytime!

[jbmarine]

Yeah, I think that I'll pack up his toys and everything else and put them away somewhere. Looks like I'll be taking down his pictures as well. All of the good memories are in my head where they belong. As hard as this has struck me, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to lose a parent, spouse, or child. That must be past devastating.

[whichwayisup]

It is really difficult! My father died in '93 and as silly as it sounds, the cats are tied into that as well. When they died it was like he died all over again. And it also felt like I lost a piece of my days growing up too, if that makes any sense....

Man, he loved them like crazy...So in a way I felt like having them live with my H and I was another connection to my dad. Hurt just as much when they died.

 

I have pictures up now, but like you, I had to get rid of anything and everything that reminded me of them.

[jbmarine]

Yeah, I understand what you're saying. It's not only the loss of the animal which makes you grieve, but the memories which were tied into his or her life. I guess that the greatest tribute is to get a puppy or kitten, but I don't think that I'm ready just yet.

[Island Girl]

A year ago last August I lost my Lizzie. She had been my companion through thick and thin. She had traveled with me to live in other states - well she had always been there for 10 years.

 

She had seen me through the loss of two other dogs that had come into our lives after her.

 

She came in from outside and began digging in her toy box as usual. And she dropped into a Grand Mal seizure and then a second one 15 minutes later. I got on the phone to my vet who made some suggestions but said the seizures were more scary for me than hurting her.

 

Later that night after 3 more seizures I took her to the emergency vet. They kept her overnight and stopped the seizures. But when I went in to see her the next morning she was not the same Lizzie.

 

She was scared and she had never been afraid of anything. She couldn't walk either and the doctor attributed her condition to a brain tumor that was rapidly causing her to succumb.

 

I made the decision to end her pain and confusion. It was the last gift I could give her.

 

I held her and spoke soothingly to her about what a great dog she is and how lucky I was to have her while the shot was given. After that large sigh I cried my eyes out hysterically on the floor for a while.

 

A week and a half later I was forced to put Henry, my other dog, down as well. He had an agressive behavior disorder due to epilepsy that was manageable with medication - however the side effect of that medication caused him to lose mobility and he couldn't run or play as well as most of his personality. I took him off of the medication so he could live a normal life as possible. Which he did for 5 years.

 

I think he relied on Lizzie more than I even knew.

After she was gone he seemed to have a flurry of "attacks" during these episodes he was hackling and walking around stiffly growling. It went further than it ever had and he wasn't obeying commands. He was no longer be considered safe to be around.

 

So I was put in the position for the second time in less than two weeks to make the best decision for him. So I made the decision to allow him to go peacefully with me holding him and loving him.

 

I could not face going home that day to an empty house. I knew I would curl up in a ball under my covers and not want to come out. I had over 300 pounds of dog lounging on sofas and playing through the house at any given time for 10 years. I just knew I couldn't deal with the loss AND with the emptiness of the house as well.

 

People I knew had been in touch with an old friend of mine in the breed - and she had two 4 month old girls from her last litter. She had offered me one after Lizzie passed but I had declined.

 

I called her immediately and drove the over 900 miles that evening to pick up one of them. I came home with both of them -- they are on my profile.

 

They were a great distraction from my grief - these two 55 pound puppies that I brought home. The constant training and work involved with raising the two of them didn't allow much time for anything else except work.

 

I went on a trip a year later and those couple of weeks away allowed me to separate the new from the old in a way. When I came back I was able to bond with them much more deeply.

 

So taking some time to grieve before opening up your home again may be the best move. I just wouldn't stay entrenched there.

 

My girls MADE me reach out again to understand all of the joy, humor, comfort, companionship, etc. that comes from this relationship is worth the hardest steps we have to make.

 

You did the right thing for your friend. He did not feel betrayed as you might think. He wasn't well. It is the kindest thing we can do - think about them first and not prolong their suffering although it hurts us to let them go. I know it hurts - I really do - but he had a long great life with you. In the end you were there for him by making the hard decision to allow him to go without any more pain.

 

My favorite quote:

 

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader.

He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."

- Unknown

 

jbmarine, you proved yourself worthy in the end by ending his pain and suffering. You allowed him to die in your arms. I'm sure if he could tell you there's no other place he'd rather have taken his last breath than right there in your arms.

 

I'm sorry for your loss but I am thankful you had over 13 years together. Your dog was loved.

[polywog]

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I felt as if I was there. I'm deeply sorry for your loss, and I know he felt your love in his last moments. I love my pets beyond Beyond. Here's my all time favorite poem about losing your dog for you, I send it to everyone I know who has lost their best friend:

 

"The Housedog's Grave"

By Robinson Jeffers

[American Poet 1887-1962]

 

I've changed my ways a little, I cannot now

Run with you in the evenings along the shore,

Except in a kind of dream; and you, if you dream a moment

You see me there.

 

So leave awhile the paw-marks on the front door

Where I used to scratch to go out or in,

And you'd soon open; leave on the kitchen floor

The marks of my drinking-pan.

 

I cannot lie by your fire as I used to do

On the warm stone,

Nor at the foot of your bed; no, all the nights through

I lie alone.

 

But your kind thought has laid me less than six feet

Outside your window where firelight so often plays,

And where you sit to read -- and I fear often grieving for me --

Every night your lamplight lies on my place.

 

You, man and woman, live so long, it is hard

To think of you ever dying.

A little dog would get tired, living so long.

I hope that you when you are lying

 

Under the ground like me your lives will appear

As good and joyful as mine.

No, dears, that's too much hope: you are not so well cared for

As I have been.

 

And never have known the passionate undivided

Fidelities that I knew.

Your minds are perhaps too active, too many-sided . . . .

But to me you were true.

 

You were never masters, but friends. I was your friend.

I loved you well, and was loved. Deep love endures

To the end and far past the end. If this is my end,

I am not lonely. I am not afraid. I am still yours.

[jbmarine]

Thanks to all of you who have contributed. I have to go on a trip in 3 weeks, but I think that after that, I'll be getting a puppy-a chocolate brown standard poodle just like him. Although he was gorgeous to look at, that's not what I miss the most. I miss his personality. This was a dog who would knock on doors in order to be let in, a dog who would wait for the sprinkler to go in the other direction before crossing the lawn, he had the will to live, that's what made it so difficult.

 

I just need to let time take its course. Your stories truly do help me.

 

oh, and a quote that I always loved about dogs...

 

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain

[CodeFzero]

on 3/12/07 i had to put my best friend down almost a week before he had gotten real sick starte throwing up everywere, i thought maybe it was just the bug going around or something ya know, Later on it started getting worse..so i took him to the vet to see what was wrong they kept him over for 2 nights and then told me he was better he could come home so home he came i was so happy because my dog was better or so i thought, not one day after he came home he started throwing up again getting real sick, it was the weekend and the vets was closed, so i took care of him till monday, i live at home with my parents still and i had to go to work. they told me they were takeing him to the vet to see what they would say and if there was any hope, i hadent given up on him i knew he could get better......i went out to tell him i loved him like i always did before i went to work he dident even wag his tail he just looked at me with pain in his eyes i started to cry i never really cry that much, i felt so bad i couldent do anything for him i new that was the last time i was going to se ehim so i stayed there telling him how much i loved him and that he would get better and i would see him when i got home from work, but if i dident i would see him on the other side.

 

needless to say he is gone now and all i have is a coller and memorys to remember him by he was the best dog i ever had i only had him for 5 years ..got him when he was a pup he used to love going for car rides so i hung his coller in my car. i still really miss him but i know he is in a better place i do have one poam i found thats a really good one and when i read it i always think of him and how he looked at me..

 

RIP Bandit

 

MAY I GO NOW

Don't you think the time is right?

May I say good-bye to pain-filled days

and endless lonely nights?

I've lived my life and done my best,

an example tried to be,

So can I take that step beyond

and set my spirit free?

I didn't want to go at first.

I fought with all my might!

But something seems to draw me now

to a warm and loving light.

I want to go! I really do!

It's difficult to stay.

But I will try as best I can

to live just one more day .

To give you time to care for me

and share your love and fears.

I know you're sad and are afraid

because I see your tears.

I'll not be far, I promise that,

and hope you'll always know

that my spirit will be close to you

wherever you may go.

Thank you so for loving me.

You know I loved you too.

That's why it's hard to say good-bye

and end this life with you.

So hold me now, just one more time,

and let me hear you say,

because you care so much for me,

you'll let me go today.

 

 

Copyright Susan A. Jackson

Written for a beloved pet and friend.

[little_girl]

:confused:my heart goes out to you....losing my beloved dog of 13 years was what i thought at the time the worse thing.....don't get me wrong it was at the time.....i had to make that decision to put her down.....one of the hardest things i had to do....she was in the 3rd stage of heartworm disease....she could'nt eat...she could'nt walk her back hips had given out....anyway i went to the vet to talk to them after they determined what was wrong with her....& said goodbye to her....but i could'nt be there when they did it....i was a mess....she looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes & i sensed that she wanted me to let her go....so i did....i know i made the right decision.....but i still miss her so much....

[Shadowdog36]

I promised that I'd retire this screen name, but after reading your post, I wanted to share my story as well.

 

My dog, Shadow, died May 11, the day after his 9th birthday. The day before he was happy and healthy, and running around chasing his ball...his favorite toy.

 

I'll probably never know what it was that killed him, but the x-rays seemed to show some cloudiness around his lungs, that suggested either pneumonia or a collapsed lung, or possibly both.

 

He was 135 pounds and the most gentle creature I've ever known. He'd respond to my moods, and had a compassion that I didn't know an animal could possess. 2 years ago, I had baby rabbits build a nest in the yard, and the dog found it and left them alone...checking in on them from time to time. Simply amazing!!

 

I got him when he was 8 weeks old, and I tell people that he picked his own name, following me around like a shadow from day one. 2 days before he died, I had become irritated with him pestering me to play after a particularly hard day at work. Today, I'd give anything to see his eyes studying me again.

 

I took him to my mother's house so she could watch him Friday day while I was at work. When we got there, I had to lift him out of the car. He managed to walk into the kitchen, then laid down. I curled up beside him, stroking his face as he struggled to breathe. We gave him water with a turkey baster since he could barely lift his head to drink. I lay there for about 2 hours, on the tile floor of the kitchen, then kissed him on the head, told him "Love you, buddy. See you tomorrow."

 

He didn't make it through the night, and died alone in the dark.

 

At 4:30 Friday morning, I got the call from mom's house. By 5, I was there, and at 7 I had to load him into my car and drive him to the vet's office. That was the hardest thing...and on the way there, I drove with my lights on and my flashers blinking....his funeral procession.

 

 

My immediate reaction is to feel guilty for leaving him, for not playing with him 2 days before when he wanted to, for every time he wanted something that I didn't give him. But I can't. That's not me any more. 4 months ago, I could not have dealt with his death this way. But my experience with -K- has given me a fresh perspective on life. They say that everything happens for a reason...maybe that's why I went through what I did with -K-...to prepare me for this loss.

 

I will mourn him for a while...just picked up his ashes 2 days ago. But I will love him with a healthy perspective and miss him always....

[polywog]

Your wonderful, painful, love-filled post brought tears to my eyes, and the picture of Shadow in you avatar made it so vivid. I'm sorry for your loss. I love this tribute you just wrote about what it's like to lose your best pal.

[Shadowdog36]

Thanks Poly.

 

I just replaced the pic with another of my favorites of him. Hope you like it, and gives you some further insight into what I was saying about this animal and his character.

 

So many have asked me if I'll get another dog, and all I can tell them is that there's no replacing Shadow.

 

I know I'm going on and on about him, but there's no obits for animals and I want the world to know, or at least everyone on LS, what a special friend this dog was, and what an impact he had on every life he touched.

 

OK, that's all....officially signing off again.

[MagnoliaJane]

Thanks Poly.

 

I just replaced the pic with another of my favorites of him. Hope you like it, and gives you some further insight into what I was saying about this animal and his character.

 

So many have asked me if I'll get another dog, and all I can tell them is that there's no replacing Shadow.

 

I know I'm going on and on about him, but there's no obits for animals and I want the world to know, or at least everyone on LS, what a special friend this dog was, and what an impact he had on every life he touched.

 

OK, that's all....officially signing off again.

 

I read your post this morning and am crying. Good tears though, tears from a touched heart. The picture of shadow is really, really beautiful, his eyes so warm and thrustful... 13 years of companionship with such a dog are probably too big for words... yet your post was so good at giving us a glimpse that I just had to cry. Here's to shadow!!!!!