CityGirl64 Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Guy's Background: He is 30 years old and my cousin's cousin from her mother's side, I am her cousin from her father's side. I have known him since he was born, even though we never saw each other much growing up due to living in different states. Our families are close. How it (not sure if it's even an "it" though lol) all began: He came down for my cousin's wedding a couple years ago, and I hadn't seen him in years. Even though he was married at the time, for whatever reason she didn't come down with him. I felt an instant spark with him, and I know he felt something too. After the reception we all took him to a local well known club and we were drawn to each other, or at least I was drawn to him - he didn't resist though. We came home from the club and sat outside smoking and chatting until the sun came up, it was just comfy - no other word for it. nothing fishy went on, nothing more than a hug happened all night. Early Last Year: Fast forward around this time last year, he comes down with his wife for my cousin's son's baptism (he's the God Father). Wow I felt akward to say the least. It was the first time I met his wife and I felt weird. We hung out a lot and I had to force myself to hardly even look at him, because I was and am extremely attracted to him. The trip comes and goes and they leave. While they're at the airport I call the cell to tell them goodbye. Mid Last Year (I think, I can't keep up anymore lol): I get a call from him telling me he was trying to get a hold of our cousin. We start talking and he tells me he's going through a divorce. We get real close, help each other with life and all of its curve balls. We kept in touch. This Year: Then, I have the bright idea to tell him I was attracted to him around Feb 07, he freaks a little but I think he kinda knew, and we start brushing the subject and begin to get flirty over the phone. Phone calls stop for about 3 weeks to a month or so. The Trip: Enter March, we get closer and I plan a trip to visit him, we decided that we would not tell the family and go with the flow when I got there. So family thinks I'm in one state on business while I'm in another with him. lol He picks me up and we smiled and hugged (mind you we were never close in person just over the phone), a nice big warm hug. I instantly meet his other younger cousin because she was in the car, sweet girl. My nerves start hitting me and I start drinking, I don't think I stopped drinking the entire 6 days I was there. We're having a great time he's taking me here and there. Making sure other people are taking care of me, he was just awesome. I was impressed with his respectful nature, and I think this is where things got messed up. We were in a club and he gets real close to me and we were chatting about something and from out of the blue I go and grab his face to kiss him on the lips - he jumps back and insisted that "no!". Well I thought since he was holding my hand through the club that we were getting closer, at least that's what the flow was telling me. Later on, on the ride back to his house (this night and that ride home was my favorite part of the entire trip, there was just something magical about it) he explains to me that he doesn't want problems with the family. Neither do I. Even though our family can be a pain in the ass, I know if they think it'll make us happy they won't care. But of course this is getting ahead of ourselves here, because we have only spent 6 days together, not in love or anything like that. We continued to keep talking about family and business. I understand how he feels about it, thing is I can tell how he was holding back, the tension was obvious. The tension to be touching eachother was extremely obvious and I know he felt it too. Actually one time he didn't notice it and he called me "love" and opened his eyes big and freaked himself out, I just brought up a subject so he wouldn't feel weird. the tension was thick between us that we kept bickering and then we would crack a joke. One time I was washing the dishes in the morning and he rolled up my sleeves so they wouldn't get wet, and tried to put my hair up with a chop stick Little things like that kept happening. It happened one time over the phone too, he told me "i love you" without realizing it. He called me the night I got in and was messing around with me that why did I call his cousin and not him. I called him yesterday just to chat, and I felt weird, I felt like i needed to hold back and every time I would try to hang-up he would comment or ask me another question. It's obvious we're struggling with something here. I know he's a good man and he wants to do the right thing by the family, he also knows how I feel about the age difference, I'm 42 and he's 30. I have kids and even a 1 yr old grandson, he doesn't and wants kids. I don't want to deprive him of that. So there's the story and here are my concerns/questions: He did more for me personally those 6 days that he has no clue about. I don't want him to feel obligated about anything, but when it comes down to it and even though him and I are not related by blood, we're family - and will run into each other at major family events so... How do I handle this now? I feel like I am backed in a corner and don't know which way to go. I don't feel it naturally to just pick up the phone at whatever time to bug him anymore. I mean we didn't even kiss. Hugs that's it. I don't want to be rude, but it is obvious that it isn't reality for us to be together as a couple. So how do we get over that weird hurdle and back to how it I was before? Any advice/comments are appreciated as I am spinning and just want to do the right thing.
whichwayisup Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 It's obvious he isn't ready to get into another relationship so soon after his divorce (or is he separated?) and the family issues are there as well. The best way to get over it all is to distance yourself and detach from him. Exclude him from your life completely and go no contact. You may never be 'just friends' with him again because of what has happened now. If you see him at a family function, then say hello but don't 'talk' to him...Just be polite and go talk to someone else.
Author CityGirl64 Posted April 7, 2007 Author Posted April 7, 2007 No his divorce has been final now for a while. I may be off a year or so, it's been a little spread out the times we've talked and all that. He has dated other women too. In my opinion it's either the family thing or me making the first move that turned him off. Not sure, beause he was the same sweet guy when we spoke yesterday (I got back Tuesday of this week). But the bottom line here is aside from family, it would be difficult for me to be in a long term relationship with him. But why can't we stay friendly? We never even kissed.
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Some guys have issues with an older woman. I would back off and let him come to you, if he does. It sounds like there are some problems he has to address first.
Guest Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Some guys have issues with an older woman. I would back off and let him come to you, if he does. It sounds like there are some problems he has to address first. He's known my age from the beginning, I doubt it's that. But I see where you're coming from.
Author CityGirl64 Posted April 7, 2007 Author Posted April 7, 2007 Some guys have issues with an older woman. I would back off and let him come to you, if he does. It sounds like there are some problems he has to address first. He's always known my age, remember I've known him since birth. I see where you're coming from though. If we can avoid a relationship I'm sure we will. I just don't want things to be too weird.
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