bridget_jones Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 I think you've gotta use what you have to get what you want. If used correctly, it's very effective.
alphamale Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 I think you've gotta use what you have to get what you want. If used correctly, it's very effective. women withholding sex was much more effective in the old days when sex was harder to get... its also one of the reasons that keeps the prostitution industry flourishing.
whichwayisup Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 Nope. Withholding sex on purpose is a game and is stupid. When you're married or in a serious relationship, the last thing you wanna deal with is game playing like that from your spouse. It's childish, pointless and just pisses off the other person.
Author bridget_jones Posted April 6, 2007 Author Posted April 6, 2007 What if they are pissing you off first, though? I don't want to sleep with him anyway.
whichwayisup Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 My H and I have a golden rule, we never go to bed pissed off at eachother.
corazoncito Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 I think that withholding sex just to prove a point may cause you more problems in the long-run than it solves in the short-run. I know a bunch of women who used to do this and they're all divorced now. It's logical that you aren't going to be in the mood if you are po'd at your man. But I also think you should try and resolve the actual problem ASAP, for the sake of the relationship. Then it's back to business as usual, right?
allina Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Witholding sex is a silly tactic that I would never use. Manipulation is not something I want in my relationship.
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Witholding sex is a silly tactic that I would never use. Manipulation is not something I want in my relationship. Agreed. It's basically playing games, and I have had enough of that to last a lifetime. Not having sex because you are hurt/angry/upset is one thing....not having it because you want to get your way...quite another.
Jane22067 Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 "Not having sex because you are hurt/angry/upset" That is exactly what I am talking about. I often am that way when he wont give in on an important issue--when he is stubborn He comes around. No sense giving it up when he pisses me off
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 I'm just thankful I haven't been in a relationship where that sort of thing was necessary.
VinaAmez Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 I think you've gotta use what you have to get what you want. If used correctly, it's very effective. *Shakes head* That's NOT something anyone should be doing for kicks IMO. It's a sick mind playing game and I feel sorry for anyone in a relationship where that's used on a regular basis. Not having sex because you are hurt/angry/upset is one thing....not having it because you want to get your way...quite another. Agreed.
Curmudgeon Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Totally agree! I don't play games and don't put up with game playing by another. My wife's and my golden rule is the same as yours and your husband's. I don't care if it takes all night, nine times out of 10 we solve our differences right when they occur. Either one of us comes around to the other's point of view or we simply agree to disagree and that's the end of the issue. Sex is not a marital commodity to be bartered. It's a physical expression of our love for one another. To withhold it is to withhold the love as well.
Curmudgeon Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 I find that totally controlling and manipulative. I was married to someone like that once. i divorced her!
Craig Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Women: Withholding sex....what do you think? I think you've gotta use what you have to get what you want. If used correctly, it's very effective. Fascinating. So you are saying that your primary relationship is a business transaction. You negotiate for goods and/or services from your mate in exchange for sex from you. I don't think that is a strategy that will pay long term dividends. There is always someone willing to reduce her price to far less than yours. Instead of this exchange of sex for goods and services I would suggest focusing on customer service i.e. being the best gf that you can be to your bf. If you assist your bf to reach for his dreams he'll be happier and associate that happiness with you and in return probably help or assist you to reach your dreams...
Salicious Crumb Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Nope. Withholding sex on purpose is a game and is stupid.. Then when the husband gets use to not having it..the wife wonders why he doesn't want it on a regular basis any longer....WELL DUH!!!
Salicious Crumb Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 What if they are pissing you off first, though? I don't want to sleep with him anyway. That is different...you aren't feeling like having sex with him too much if he is acting like a jackass. But that isn't what you are talking about..you started this thread with the intention of "getting what you want" when withholding sex...not withholding because he is being a jerk. What you are talking about is a game...and it isn't going to get you what you want in the end if that is how you are looking at it.
Scrivdog Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Sure, as long as you don't come back here on LS whining about your husband cheating on you, mmkay?
whichwayisup Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Then when the husband gets use to not having it..the wife wonders why he doesn't want it on a regular basis any longer....WELL DUH!!! Huh? Is that a shot at me?
pelagicsands Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 I find it very effective if carefully applied It's very effective - that's for sure. He would have no choice but to obey. People start climbing the walls if they aren't getting any.
boshemia Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 It is one area that I have yet to understand. I agree that it is manipulative, and not healthy in a relationship at all. Then I find out that many of the happiest marriages I know involve the wife witholding herself until she gets her way and I have to wonder if maybe I'm the one that is wrong. Maybe it's just the fact that they are happy, and they love their wives, so the wife doesn't really have to hold out too long? I just know that in my marriage it would be him withholding on me. I have NO willpower in that area.
Author bridget_jones Posted April 7, 2007 Author Posted April 7, 2007 That is different...you aren't feeling like having sex with him too much if he is acting like a jackass. But that isn't what you are talking about..you started this thread with the intention of "getting what you want" when withholding sex...not withholding because he is being a jerk. What you are talking about is a game...and it isn't going to get you what you want in the end if that is how you are looking at it. If they are pissing you off by not giving you what you want. It's not like they are going for months or even weeks without sex. I don't see it as cruel or anything. It's just motivating them to think. I'm just posing it as a question, I don't necessarily practice it.
SoleMate Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Intentional refusal of sex is a lot like the silent treatment - a passive, childish way of trying to force behavior from the other party. Let's distinguish that from not wanting sex for a good reason (like being in the middle of a heavy period), but still being willing or trying to meet some part of that physical/emotional need. In fact, intentional failure to meet any of your spouse's ENs is quite analogous. Sometimes you don't meet ENs because you CAN'T (fatigue, depression, illness, overwhelming draws on your time). Sometimes you FORGET to meet those needs. And sometimes you make a DELIBERATE POINT of ensuring that your spouse goes without to assert your control. Hmmmm. I'll be thinking about this more.
Salicious Crumb Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Huh? Is that a shot at me? No...i was agreeing with you completely.
Salicious Crumb Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 If they are pissing you off by not giving you what you want. No..if they are pissing you off..then you simpley do not want to have sex with them. What you are insinuating is withholding sex...not because you don't want to have sex...but to get your way...not because you aren't aroused by someone treating you like an a$$shole.
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