Auqakuh Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 So, some of you may have read my Lost.. thread etc, some may not, dig it out if anything doesn't make sense. So I was doing pretty okay. I was having good days. Smiling, laughing with friends... but still missing my ex like CRAZY. I just wasn't admitting it to myself. Figured that if I went on not admitting it, eventually it would HAVE to go away. Okay, maybe not the best theory in the world... so sue me. But anyhow. She came online yesterday. Now, to my knowledge, she had me on ignore. Blocked. Etc. So to just get it the hell out, because it's been rattling around my head, I told her that I figured she had me on ignore, that it wouldn't matter if I messaged therefore, and that I was missing her like crazy. Her response? And there was a response... "It matters" What does that even mean. WHAT matters. Does it matter that I messaged her? Does it matter that I missed her? We talked about some other stuff, and I got the impression she was still quite angry at me and didn't want to talk... so when she said "brb", I just went with "take care :)" and didn't message her when she came back on. She left after about five minutes. I now have no idea if she came on to talk to me, if she still misses me, or anything. And I want to know. Badly. I'm so annoyed. Stupid feelings.
loveratud Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 ... you probably should have asked her instead of us.
Author Auqakuh Posted April 7, 2007 Author Posted April 7, 2007 ... you probably should have asked her instead of us. I'll do my best not to respond sarcastically. No, REALLY? Yeah... I missed by one. >.> I know I should have asked her - but when you're not even supposed to be talking to someone and they suddenly start talking back... Plus she has this ridiculous effect on me. Just by being online and saying two words. If I'd been in the same room, I would have reacted -totally- differently. Meh. No more contact since then. So either she wanted to talk and I managed to annoy her (highly probable, I was a mixture of furious and something else at the time we spoke), or she was just being polite and answering. Either way... I'm about two weeks behind where I was on the whole "getting over it" thing.
Dubb Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Don't kick yourself man. I should of asked a lot of questions and I never did. I think that is why NC is so good. You can't second guess anything if you don't talk to them.
Author Auqakuh Posted April 7, 2007 Author Posted April 7, 2007 Don't kick yourself man. I should of asked a lot of questions and I never did. I think that is why NC is so good. You can't second guess anything if you don't talk to them. I never got why other people said "NC is good" etc etc ... until I realised something. I'm not actually capable of it. I don't mean that I'll make contact myself. I'm sortof ... weird. Empathic. If I love someone, I inevitably end up crawling around in their head on occasion. And if they think about me, I feel it. Sometimes very strongly. It's hard to convince yourself they don't care... when you can feel that they do. Call me crazy iffin' ya like... but sadly, this is entirely true for me.
Pher Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 I would think she means that it matters that you missed her. I don't have much faith in people who do this, so maybe she was just being polite? I guess you know what kind of person she is. I'm not sure if having someone on your online messenger etc. is a good thing though. It will kind of drag out your feelings. You'll wait to see if she comes online, probably get anxious as to whether she will message you and when she doesn't you'll feel right back down again. Although it is really hard, it is probably best to delete them from your contacts. Then you'll never know when they are online and if they want to contact you, they will. So someday their message might just pop up for you. Things are so hard :-\
Author Auqakuh Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 I would think she means that it matters that you missed her. I don't have much faith in people who do this, so maybe she was just being polite? I guess you know what kind of person she is. I'm not sure if having someone on your online messenger etc. is a good thing though. It will kind of drag out your feelings. You'll wait to see if she comes online, probably get anxious as to whether she will message you and when she doesn't you'll feel right back down again. Although it is really hard, it is probably best to delete them from your contacts. Then you'll never know when they are online and if they want to contact you, they will. So someday their message might just pop up for you. Things are so hard :-\ Well, I actually did get to ask her. She said, effectively, that the reason it mattered was because I had said I thought I had her on ignore. Since I didn't think she'd get it, I didn't think it would matter. She says it did matter, because she didn't have me on ignore. What that means, exactly, is, uh. Somewhat beyond me. Whether it means that it was Bad because she'd said no contact - which doesn't seem to be the case, because why would she even answer? (she doesn't feel the need to be polite if she's angry and not in a relationship with you, effectively, especially since she knows I'm liable to roll my eyes at her and know she's just blowing off steam) - or it was a case of it does indeed matter that I miss her. But since she kinda dodged, who knows. I also asked her why it is I know when she'll be online (without seeing her - I can always tell, which is why she's still on my notify list on IRC), specifically why I'd known she'd be on the day I was talking to her last. She said "Because it's Saturday". What? Personally I think women just enjoy being confusing, sometimes... So I asked her why I could still feel her. Apparently, it's because she's not dead. Which is a relief, t'be sure, but doesn't really answer the question any. I have a sense of being in a place I've been before, which may or may not be a good thing. We did this once before... and the fact she's started talking to me again only makes me more worried we might fall into that cycle yet again. Especially since I'm ninety percent sure that "It's Saturday" remark was tied to the fact that our "cycle" last time we broke up involved ending up leaping on each other by each Saturday each week, then getting angry at each other for five days or so, then... Rinse, repeat.
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