Anna83 Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I had been dating my boyfriend for four years when he had a one night stand. I was out of town and he slept with a coworker. (he doesn't work with her anymore) He hid this from me for six months. Before this point we were very close, we had our fights like any couple (mostly about me not spending enough time with him) He was always very sweet an attentive to me. He was somewhat mistrustful of me at first because he'd been betrayed by his daughter's mom but he eventually trusted me. Ive been hurt badly in the past so he had to earn my trust as well and he did that. He would always call me and if he was going to get home from work late he'd let me know. I had no reasons to suspect anything. Well I found out that he and this coworker did their thing one night when I was out of town for a funeral of all things. I was devastated. We've been going to counseling (I love him and his daughter very much) we were separated for two months after he confessed. At first after we got back together I went thru this stage where I wanted to sleep with him all the time, wanted him around all the time etc. Now I am going thru an anger stage- I don't want to have sex, I don't want to be around him. I want to punish him for what he did. He hasn't talked to the coworker since about a month before he confessed to me. But the thing is- he says it was a one night stand but he continued to talk to her and hang out with her afterward. She is an unlikely choice for an affair as she is the exact opposite of me and not attractive at all. She was also very young. So I don't know why he chose her. But I do know I never want him to speak to her again. She hasnt' called him and her phone number is disconnected. He knows her mother and I suggested that I need closure and I need to know that he is sorry for what he did (he's said he's sorry but thats not enough) I want him to call this girl and tell her that he is back with me and in order to work things out he is not going to talk to her ever again. I know that may sound silly but i'm not interested in her reaction or his, i just need this for myself. they live in teh same town so they could easily run into eachother but so far have not. I feel out of respect for me he should make it clear to her they will have no contact again. they do not work together anymore (she got fired for something unrelated) and as far as I know have had no contact. but she did ask a friend of his how my boyfriend was doing and to tell him hello. Well my boyfriend is acting like an ass lately. He doesnt want to call her. He says to leave well enough alone. that he doesnt' talk to her and has no plans to. But he doesn't want to call her and tell her this. he told me if I find her phone number he will call her. well i can't find her number because she is living with her mother adn I dont' know her mother's name. I can't just stop at the house adn ask for it. He could though. or he could call her mother (i'm sure he rememberes the number as they used to talk all the time). he says if I want him to do it then I have to find the number. also this girl hangs out at a particular bar in town. She's not old enough to drink but goes there all the time anyway. My boyfriend has not been to this bar in months. well the other nigth he said he might go there with his friend from work. I told him I was uncomfortable wtih the idea. I dont' really want to go to keep an eye on him and I dont' really like bars because of all the smoke. Well I asked him to not go to that particular bar. there are several other bars adn he just makes excuses saying his buddy only goes to that one bar (which is semi-true) His buddy will go to bars an hour away but my boyfriend wants to go local and this is the only local bar his buddy likes. So my boyfreind throws a fit that I am trying to take away all his friends and social life. Well HE is the one who did somethign wrong. And maybe I'm demanding but I expect him to honor my wishes if he wants to work this out. Why does he have to go to the exact same bar where he knows this girl hangs out?? He says if she talks to him he will only say hi and not really talk to her. He says he wont' leave ( like I asked) if she is there) What is his problem?? He says he desperately wants to work this out but when I tell him what I need he gets an attitude and gets mad.
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