noway Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I was referred here by a friend (Thank you sweets!) I am trying really hard not to make this into an issue, but I feel I need tremendous feedback on this situation. I am currently living out of an efficiency with my boyfriend of 3 years. That and of itself is enough to stress me out, but it is what it is. My real problem of the moment? Continue reading... My boyfriend has this cousin who on mutiple occasions has made comments, ranging from completely suggestive to not so suggestive. On one occasion, he has actually grabbed me and started kissing my neck, (a little drunk, but no excuse). He has also deliberately gotten my bf and I into fights by doing things he knows would piss me off, such as asking my BF for a ride home at 12 at night, or "dropping" receipts in my BF's car containing purchases for alcohol and other things from another city on days when my BF told me he was working. He continues to try to get me to interact with him, persuading me to think that he is such a changed man now. Every once and a while he will tell me to never lose contact with him even if I break up with my BF...?? Anyway, our efficiency is connected to my BF's family's house. Just recently, it has come to my attention that they are now constructing another room onto the house directly connected to our efficiency for his cousin to live in!!!! I almost could not believe my ears....! That means when I open my back door, it will now be a part of the cousins back room!! WHY WHY WHY??? This cousin was living in a perfectly normal house, and had it great...I guess he wanted to move to an apartment complex which is across the street from our house, but reasoned with the relatives that "since he would be over here all the time, it would make more sense for him to just live here", and thus the construction will begin. It makes no sense at all to me because he is a 31 year old single man who now will not even have his own kitchen or bathroom to use. Also, I should point out that instead of building right on to our part of the efficiency, he could always take the spare room thats in the house part which is roughly the same size as this new place will be. Before I go any further, will someone please tell me what they think about this?
Author noway Posted April 6, 2007 Author Posted April 6, 2007 so no advice then?? jeeezzz...you guys are a tough crowd!! I was hoping for some advice on this, because I kind of want to bring it up to my BF, but I dont know if it is a good idea or not....so I am looking for support on this...any help will be so appreciated!
ash519 Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 Welcome! I would definately bring it up to my bf! He is being inappropriate and creepy? Are you and your bf able to move, or discuss working towards moving elsewhere. I'd say, talk to your bf, see how he feels. If worse comes to worse maybe you should tell his cousin nicely that you like him but his behavior is inappropriate and makes you feel uncomfortable.
Author noway Posted April 6, 2007 Author Posted April 6, 2007 Welcome! Thank you so much, Ash! And thanks for your advice..I was beginning to think it was something I said He is being inappropriate and creepy? Yes! Very! And he really skeeves me out...it makes me itch just thinking about it. The worst are the sexual innuendoes, and the mean comments. In one breath, He will be completely perverted towards me, put down my boyfriend, boost his own self worth, and say something rude to me about me. Its hurtful, and it makes me feel unsafe and a little voilated. (Am I being dramatic??!) I'd say, talk to your bf, see how he feels. I am really scared to do that though, because its his family...Its his cousin, and then we live in their family's house....I could envision things getting out of hand quickly. The family is not the type to take the girl's side. My BF would probably be torn between beating his azz and being mad at me, and it would certainly cause considerable stress in the living arrangements. Is there any other way??!! My friend thinks that the cousin might have ulterior motives....what do you think?
ash519 Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 Well, it sounds to me as if his cousin likes you? How old are all parties involved? If he doesnt like you it sounds like he is a d*ck with low self esteem and maybe is jealous of your bf for having such a fabulous gf. If you dont say anything to your bf I would definately say to the cousin how uncomfortable he is making you and you would prefer if the sexual comments stop. If he starts saying mean things to you about your bf or you for that matter say something mean back to him. Stick up for yourself. I do think if i were in this situation i would tell my bf that his cousin makes strange comments (and give examples) and also tell the cousin to back off. I dont know about your bf's family or how they would react but dont take all this lying down!!!!
melodymatters Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 Hi Noway, Welcome to love shack ! Yes, that does sound uncomfortable, but the only person who is OBLIGATED to stand up for you is..... ........YOU !!!! I have met guys like the cousin, and it's usually a combo factor of them hitting on you, boosting their own ego, insecurity, whatever. Doesn't really matter WHY, just that it needs to stop. Step one : next time the cousin gets weasly, stand up straight, look him dead in the eye and say something to the effect of " Look dude, you are being innappropraite/making me feel uncomfortable etc" step two : if he doesn't respond, tell your BF, that the LAST thing you want to do is cause trouble, but you are being put in a very uncomfortable situation. ( I had my BF's TWIN hit on me, and I didnt say anything and regretted it later, it IS a tough situation where family is involved !) step three : if none of this works, and somehow they are all too dysfunctional to take YOUR feelings into account, consider renting your OWN space nearby. Good luck, hang tough !
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