Relationship Confusion

[Deeko]

I feel funny writing about this since I’ve posted before regarding this and it hasn’t gone away, but somehow, hearing what you guys have to say, makes me feel better. I just sometimes think I need someone to validate my thoughts and since I can’t do it, I look to the outside for help.

 

Okay, so I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and the first 10 months into it were GREAT! He was my first love, my first everything. It’s odd because last July, he went on a trip to visit his sister and up until that time, things were GREAT. He was gone for a week and I missed him so much that week he was gone, I couldn’t wait for him to get back. When he got back, this is when my head started messing with me.

 

One night, while watching a movie, I started to really think and dwell on us. I asked myself questions like “Is he the one and will he be the only one?” and I started to wonder if there was more for me out there. Don’t ask why I asked myself these things because I was content w/ the relationship up to that point, I’m just an over analytical thinker and do this to myself because for some reason, I have a problem just being content with things, lame as it sounds

 

So, basically, since last July, I’ve been putting myself through mental hell wondering if these feelings are normal. I just feel differently about him. It like comes and goes and sometimes I can’t imagine being without him and other times, I wish I were. I think the biggest thing in my head is I’m wondering if the grass is greener on the other side? When I’m with him, we do have fun, we always go places, we laugh, we get along, and never fight. I think my last boyfriend breaking up with my really mentally scarred me because he gave me the “I just think of you as a friend” spiel and maybe out of fear, am using that toward my current boyfriend. The thought of breaking up with him and throwing all of our work and good times out the window is not something I want to do. I just feel like there is this bridge keeping us apart or something and I can’t close that gap. I feel distant from him for some reason, and I can’t pinpoint it. I used to get so excited to see him and be with him and maybe what I’m feeling now is something I’d feel with anyone because I’m confident about him and I trust him so much and I know he wouldn’t hurt me or treat me badly or anything. I can’t find one reason to break up with him, but something is making me feel discontent or something. Like I said, I think WAY too much, so it’s probably just me. This is my longest relationship and more than anything, I want to feel how I once did. I'm wondering what makes someone just a friend? I know he'd do anything for me and vice versa, and I probably just have my feelings all confused and maybe this is just too much too soon and I need to process it all. I have no idea. I don’t want to break up with him, or let him go and honestly, I probably couldn’t be “just his friend” but when he talks about marriage and the future, Im not sure I wan’t that, or maybe just not yet. I’m 22 and he is 32, but with that aside, if anyone has been in my position, what got you through it and made it better? What advice do you have for me in this situation to make it work? I don’t believe feelings can change for someone who once lit up your life

[Aloros]

You're 22. It's normal to have these feelings, especially since you're so young. He's also your first love, so that may be why you're questioning if there is better out there.

 

Honestly, though, if you really can't find one reason to break up with him, then don't. Take things one day at a time and quit worrying so much about the future. You've got the luxury of time. Think things over. If you really feel the need to date around more, then that is your reason to end things.

 

Also keep in mind at this point that you two are past the honeymoon stage. You aren't necessarily going to feel excited about seeing him anymore, especially since you know he will always be there. I see my bf every morning, every evening, and sometimes once or twice during the day. Am I excited to see him anymore? Nope. But I am still happy to see him. He's the other half of my team. He's there to vent to about my day, to help me when I'm having problems, to comfort me when I'm down, and to share experiences with.

 

Maybe you should ask yourself, really examine, why you feel uncomfortable being content. Do you feel the need for more excitement, more drama in your relationship? Are you actually content in this relationship, or are you just comfortable? What are the traits you desire/don't desire in a mate, and how well does he match these?

[someguy69]

I am kinda in the same situation only reversed. I have been with my gf for about 4 years now and at some point over this past year I have began to doubt whether I want to continue this or not. Our relationship used to be great just like yours but for some reason I cant help but wonder if I would be happier with someone else. I dont know if it was the recent talk of getting engaged or moving in together that just scared me or what. She was my first and only but she has been with several other guys (more than I would like to say) Maybe that is why I dont feel as close to her as I should, what do you think? I too wish things were back to the way they were before but I dont know how to get them there. lol Sorry I didn't have any advice but at least your not the only one with this kind of problem.

[Sweetie2007]

One night, while watching a movie, I started to really think and dwell on us. I asked myself questions like “Is he the one and will he be the only one?” and I started to wonder if there was more for me out there.

 

So, basically, since last July, I’ve been putting myself through mental hell wondering if these feelings are normal. I just feel differently about him. It like comes and goes and sometimes I can’t imagine being without him and other times, I wish I were. I think the biggest thing in my head is I’m wondering if the grass is greener on the other side?

 

Yeah, the "is the grass greener?" phase is totally normal! I'm actually going through that right now with my BF, but our situation is completely different, so I don't think it would apply too much, I know how you feel though! I think probably your TOO comfortable with the relationship. I know that sounds weird, but after over-analyzing my own relationship for the past week, I've realized that's what's wrong...I just know my BF too well, I know almost what he's going to say before he says it, in every situation. That could be what is wrong with your relationship, your questioning things, because your too comfortable with what is. In the beginning - those 10 months you mentioned, things were new, you were testing different waters, seeing what worked when and how, but now, you've been with him for over a year, and you know him inside out..... throw some SPICE into the relationship, in any way you can! That'll help, and try talking to him too, maybe?

 

Good luck, I hope you get out of the slump! If you find any "miracle cure" let me know...