luvstarved Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Wow, I got a lot of fabulous responses on the woman question. So I am going to see if I can get more info. Thanks so much! Here is my next burning question. Background: my H and I are crawling from the abyss of a sexless marriage. Back to sex 1-3 times a week after 6-7 years of 2-3 times a YEAR. Been 6 months since we got back on track but there is still intimacy lacking. We are actually going to work with a sex therapist to see if he can get us both to open up in this realm. I am pretty open but H just won't talk about it. Anyway, the QUESTION!! WHile our activity at this point is pretty predictable and routine, my H does like to engage in a little bit of dirty talk. I just so far have given curt response to this because in our fragile relationship the wrong word could kill the whole event. I know you guys are not my H, but are certainly in a better position than me to understand male sexual behavior. The stuff he says is pretty self-centric, mostly about how "this is what you want' isn't it?" "You like that?" and general comments about "loving Daddy's c**k". Now if you are a guy and have said things like these, or imagined saying things like these, then I'd like to know WHAT sort of a response would turn you on more at this point? I just say stuff like "oh yeah baby" but wonder if I can glean any clues from the fact that he is basically talking about his own dick - I mean, does he want me to praise his anatomy or talk about my own in direct reciprocity. I dunno. I certainly don't think it is going to make or break the marriage but thought it would be fun to get some feedback on this. FEEL FREE to make fun as long as it's actually funny!! Thanks again, guys!
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I think telling him how big he is, how hard he is, how much he turns you on, how good he smells. I will be back with some funnier and sexier lines to use in bed. Just can't think of any off the top of my head, distracted by the TV...(I am so pathetic, I'm watching america's top model!)
Mustang Sally Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I agree with WWIU. I would talk about all the, um, "attributes" of his manhood that you just looooove. You know, flattering adjectives related to turgidity, potency, large size, and the like! Maybe you could also work in your anatomy like, "My p*ssy is so wet for your throbbing, hard c*ck" - well, you get the idea. Unless, of course, words like p*ssy are offensive to him.... Good luck and have fun!
TYASAFAHICSI Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Using the words pussy, cock, dick, tits, suck, ****, and ass will all work in almost any sentence. Tell him how big he feels how you love when he is inside you. How wet he makes you, how much you want him to explode, how intense it is, etc.
outofdarkness Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 i always laugh when i get embarrased....i have never in 21 yrs of m been able to say anything other then an occasional...it was good...i did do this w/ him more when we were in college and had been drinking...more courage?? so you guys really like this..why??? it makes me feel like a fool...
Mustang Sally Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I agree, OOD. I can't really say that stuff and be, like, all serious and stuff. I do it in a coy, playful way. I couldn't do it in a porn-star serious way. Although, I have been known to seriously say "F*ck me, NOW" but that's different...urgent.
TYASAFAHICSI Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I can take it or leave it. But the OP asked about what might turn him on because he apparently wants it!
outofdarkness Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I agree, OOD. I can't really say that stuff and be, like, all serious and stuff. I do it in a coy, playful way. I couldn't do it in a porn-star serious way. Although, I have been known to seriously say "F*ck me, NOW" but that's different...urgent. LOL...know what ya mean!
TYASAFAHICSI Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I will say one of the hotest things I ever heard was from a GF. We were n vacation, and just kissing and fooling around before dinner and she just looked at me and said "Just **** Me" I was like WOW!
JamesM Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Personally, I am not one for "dirty talk," but I can say this...if you are going to say it, you had better mean it. If you are on the verge of laughter, then you WILL kill the moment. "Your c**ck is sooo hard" with laughter will guarantee that it ain't. I remember quite a few years ago...and it seems like a lifetime ...when my wife actually was turned on by talk like that, but it never lasted, because neither of us could make it sound realistic enough. We have found that regular talk about sex is more natural. Saying how something feels in "normal" talk is better than trying to sound like a porn star. Reading some of what you used as examples makes me think of a bad porn movie, and that isn't what you want. My question back is...does this kind of talk turn YOU on, or is it simply to turn HIM on? I have read your threads, and I know he is the one who has been the least interested in sex. Was he also not into porn? Is that where this desire of his comes from?
Missy27 Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Maybe you could also work in your anatomy like, "My p*ssy is so wet for your throbbing, hard c*ck" - well, you get the idea. Unless, of course, words like p*ssy are offensive to him.... This ones always a winner with my boy! In general i've found that men get turned on even more when they know that YOU are turned on, so hearing you talk about how wet you are etc etc should drive him crazy !!
Author luvstarved Posted April 5, 2007 Author Posted April 5, 2007 Thanks JameM for your feedback. I totally know where you are coming from. Yes I had to insist we get back to sex life. He was masturbating and using porn OCCASIONALLY for "inspiration", I objected because it was a substitute not supplement. Porn was never a BIG issue and I am very thorough and he has not looked at for more than 6 months now. But sex is still awkward and impersonal...he used to do this "dirty talk" when we first met and is just getting back to it now, which I suppose could be a good sign. I was never "into it" myself, it seemed kind of soft pornish to me too, but I figured if it works for him, I'm game. I never really reciprocated, just "yeah" or "OH yeah" In the old days, though, some of the comments would refer to me: "you have beautiful breasts". "I love making love with you", etc. Now it is pretty much confined to me wanting him and wanting me to praise "Daddy's c**k" but I really don't know what he wants to hear and I can't ask him because he is really impossible to discuss sex with. It does seem that he is self-centered sexually, where he did not used to be. I don't know what's up, hopefully the counselor who happens to also be a sex therapist will help with all this. I am just trying to join in on his efforts to get back into the swing of things. So far, it seems like he would still just as soon do himself in the shower and it is all a big favor to me. He won't give me oral (he said he "feels differently about it now" but won't explain what he means by that). My overall impression is that he is trying to accomodate me but somehow I just don't do it for him anymore and part of it is perhaps wanting to punish me for what he feels were my contributions to our marital troubles, and part of it is performance anxiety given that he just isn't into me that way anymore. I am the only woman he has ever been with for 10 years, and I don't doubt that he finds other women appealing, so perhaps part of it is also feeling resentful that he can't just go out and pursue exciting new things. In the end, though, he seemed totally content with just masturbating and I just can't relate to that at all. When I try to broach the subject he has one of two responses: "our sex life is fine and I don't understand why you are making such a big deal. If you aren't satisfied, that's your problem" or "Why do you have to keep bringing this up? You are being aggressive and demanding!! Just leave it alone!"
Mustang Sally Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Have to hand it to ya, lustarved, if you are able to call it "Daddy's" anything. That would evoke mental images of either my kids (quite a turn off during a love-session) or - heaven forbid! - my FATHER - which would make me want to vomit. Never understood the "Daddy" thing...but it's interesting to hear he likes you to call it like that.
Author luvstarved Posted April 5, 2007 Author Posted April 5, 2007 Have to hand it to ya, lustarved, if you are able to call it "Daddy's" anything. That would evoke mental images of either my kids (quite a turn off during a love-session) or - heaven forbid! - my FATHER - which would make me want to vomit. Never understood the "Daddy" thing...but it's interesting to hear he likes you to call it like that. I don't get it either and it ain't a thrill...I also have wondered about him having a major Oedipal thing going so wonder whether he is pretending to be his own daddy while fantasizing about Mom. Yeah if I let my mind go there I will want to hurl...but I try to just let it go in a place where I am grateful to have ANYBODY's "c**k" after such a long sexless phase...and whatever I can say back that will help ensure things continue that way.
polywog Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Why don't you try bossing him around and telling him what you want him to do to you, (using all the pussy tit ramming throbbing type words, of course)?
mental_traveller Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 Well, what he is saying is basically kind of mildly dominant dirty talk. So he'd probably like you to talk back like a bit of a submissive and filthy little bitch. Just imagine what a trashy porn star or whore would say as she was getting pounded. If you're not sure, watch some porn stuff on the net and pay attention to what the girls say. Usually it's them panting and moaning, asking to be slammed hard and treated rough etc. That ought to do it. Just forget your normal persona and be uninhibited. The old saying about men wanting their wife/gf to be a "whore in the bedroom" is basically true. Just make him feel like you are being dirty and enjoying every minute of it. Also, make sure to moan, pant, squeal and stuff, even if you are faking at first. It'll get him more turned on and then hopefully you'll be squealing and moaning for real
mental_traveller Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 I don't get it either and it ain't a thrill...I also have wondered about him having a major Oedipal thing going so wonder whether he is pretending to be his own daddy while fantasizing about Mom. Yeah if I let my mind go there I will want to hurl...but I try to just let it go in a place where I am grateful to have ANYBODY's "c**k" after such a long sexless phase...and whatever I can say back that will help ensure things continue that way. "Daddy" is just a slang ghetto word for a woman's bf/lover, the implication being that he's kind of in charge and she's his girl who tries to please him. It's nothing to do with kids or Oedipus complexes etc. He probably heard it used on some porn film he watched.
2sunny Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 I agree with WWIU. I would talk about all the, um, "attributes" of his manhood that you just looooove. You know, flattering adjectives related to turgidity, potency, large size, and the like! Maybe you could also work in your anatomy like, "My p*ssy is so wet for your throbbing, hard c*ck" - well, you get the idea. Unless, of course, words like p*ssy are offensive to him.... Good luck and have fun! i vote for this answer... always worked with my hubby... you could also say - give it to me hard and fast / or go soooo sloooow so i can feel all of your c*ck - deep inside me.... mmmm ya get the idea? you are not really using words that make you feel silly - you're just describing how a certain situation will feel good. that ought to make him happy every time.
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