wlminfla Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Hey All, It's been six months since my ex walked away. We were almost engaged after being together for 5.5 years all through out school. I've been strict NC for a while now. Is it still supposed to hurt so badly?
krzr Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 the no contact hurts still? ive been broken up now i think its 7-8 months and on march 26th (would have been 3 year anniversary) i got a txt from her that said "hey just want you to know i didnt forget what today is" so stick with the no contact it hurts more when u get something like that...and ya it still hurts but its hurting less and less now.
daisydo Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Unfortunately there is no time table for healing. We just try to take it one day at a time - do little things that make you feel better each day and focus on the positive things in life. Just be honest with yourself - if you're not done healing then you're not - don't try to force it or ignore your emotions. Best of luck.
Cossette4 Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I'm on 8 and a half months and I still cry probably every 3 or 4 days or so. On the positive side, I used to cry every day so I have to be improving. I'm also coming up with new coping mechanisms that seem to be working. For instance, at this stage, there really isn't any "new" information to hurt and obsess over--it's more dwelling on old heartache that happened months ago. So when you start doing that, you have to tell yourself you've already processed this once--no need to dredge it up and re-process. Say outloud--"You aren't worth my time right now" and think of something else.
Zapbasket Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I'm on 8 and a half months and I still cry probably every 3 or 4 days or so. On the positive side, I used to cry every day so I have to be improving. Oh God, Cossette4, I started to cry when I read this. I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. I can really relate: It's been 4 months to the day since my 5-year boyfriend broke up with me, and just under 2 months since I received his horrible e-mail in which he iterated again and again that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, he's no longer my best friend, he has no obligation to discuss things with me, and to stop contacting him. Just under 2 months of NC. When I came home from work today (Wednesday), I felt really wrong inside, totally discombobulated, and I had no appetite. Next thing I knew I burst into sobbing, threw myself on the couch and wept, sobbed, wailed, and found myself calling out my partner's name, saying over and over, "Why, why" and "He was my best friend," "You were my best friend," "All I wanted was to be with you," "Why did you move here if you didn't want me." It was like I exited the world and disappeared into my pain; it lasted 2 hours, nonstop and I got a nosebleed. I've cried every day for 4 months. I see a therapist once a week and it doesn't help. I no longer feel I have anything new to hash over, and the "why" question carries no answers; I fear I'll never know. What hurts the most is realizing the possibility that I all along was the only one to whom the relationship really meant something, and that he just kept me around for 5 years because he didn't know what he wanted. The guy could never make a decision, and one of our dynamics was me always asking him, "What do you want?" because his uncertainty about all aspects of his life made me concerned about his degree of certainty about me. Also the fact that he never let anyone, from what I could tell--not even his beloved family--into his thoughts and feelings. When he moved back west after we graduated--he from PhD, me from BA--officially beginning our LDR, he told me, "Look, before, when I was at school, I really didn't have much going on and so I could talk every day, etc. Now that I'm back home with my friends and family I'll be busy and won't be able to talk as much." I told him if we were going to survive this LDR we had to talk every day. And he acquiesced. But when I look back, I remember that comment and think perhaps without meaning to he simply strung me along, and I was so confused about my life and depressed about my thesis that I didn't really notice whereas otherwise I would have noticed right away, and maybe not put up with it. ANyway, all this to say I relate to you big-time. Also because our break-up stories are so similar--5 years, sudden, unexpected break-up. I just don't know when the pain will subside, really, when I can never have any closure and thus can never really know the meaning of the last 5 years of my life...or even feel like I 'own' these five years of memories, since I no longer know how to interpret them. Maybe I spent 1/6 (I'm thirty) of my life in a total lie. Thinking I was loved when I wasn't. That thought *chills* me, and makes me want to do nothign more than crawl into bed, face the wall, and just watch the days tick off from a great, great distance.
Double D Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 I feel your pain Greencove. My word for break ups is despair - utter despair but we keep going and take one day at a time. If yor hurt allow yourself to be hurt, this is about you now and you need to process these feelings fully. As Tom Hanks character said in CastAway 'Ive got to keep breathing and keep myself alive as tomorrow is another day and the sun will rise in the morning' Wish you well. The greatest battle lies within - Spider-Man 3
littlebopeep Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 Iam 7 months into my breakup which was also so sudden.I thought we really loved each other.We were saving for our future and his parents had agreed to help us out with a property when we had both graduated. My story is that after 4.5 years together and being really happy,he had to go on placement before he takes his final exams.We knew it would be hard and seeing each other for the next year would be limited but he told me that even a small amount of the love he had for me was enough for us to get through it. When we started saving we didnt go out as much,we got dvds and sometimes went for a meal but if i suggested a nightclub,he would say lets just spend quality time together and save our money for the future.It didnt bother me because as long as i was with him i was happy. He didnt want to go away but had no choice.5 weeks after he went i went to visit him,he was so happy to see me and said i hope the week goes slowly because i dont want you to go home. Midweek we went out for drinks and the place we went was full of students.I asked him if he ever got tempted by them and he said by the time i get home from work,get showered,have tea and then maybe have a game of pool with the guys im home for 9pm to talk to you every night,he said i dont have time to look at other women. He said if our r/ship was to survive i would need to trust him.He was upset that our week together was spoilt because i got insecure.He told me he loved me more than anything in his life and that we were better than to argue. The following day he dumped me:confused: I feel he might have been interested in some1 else but after just 5 weeks to give up on us just like that:eek: The way im coping is because ive tried to visualise him with some1 else and god that hurts but then i get angry at him and cry for giving up so easily. The crying gets it out of my system and then i think well its his loss.Im already thinking of him with some1 else and learning to cope,he on the other hand has to see me with some1 else and men take very badly to that,i think more so than us women. Think of the bad things he did especially dumping you with no warning and if they can do that to you then they can do it to any1 and always believe in KARMA because it does happen.Take care.
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