Confusion over potential FWB situation.....

April 4, 2007

I just got off the phone with a close friend of mine..

We've been friends since just after my ex left me. She's a sweet girl, a lot of fun, very friendly, and just a great person...

Recently, she starting seeing a guy. I met him once. He's a nice guy, but apparently, he's a little "overwhelming" for her. He was in a bad relationship (even worse than mine, from what I was told!), and it's basically left him without any sort of self-esteem, etc.. (gee, who does this remind you of?)

I see a lot of myself in this guy. A little cocky, kinda nutty, but a pretty decent guy. The problem is, he is really "trying too hard" with my friend. She LIKES him, but after about 2 months, is pretty sick of a lot of things about him that she once thought were cute........ on one of their first dates, they went out for karaoke (that's how they met), and he dedicated a song to her that made her want to cringe. He has an unhealthy obsession with a certain 70's music artist, and combining that obsession with the fact that he has no voice, or even anything close to a voice that resembles that artist, he still sings their songs regularly, and dedicated a song to her. She told me she just wanted to hide. Funny and cute the first time, of course. But EVERY TIME? It's really annoying to her now.

He's just overly sensitive, and can't take a joke. She likes to joke around, and a couple of things she said started to upset him, and she had to back off. She doesn't feel like she's having "fun" with him anymore.

Add to that the fact that he is 32, with very little sexual experience. To this day, he has never gone down on a woman, something she really, REALLY wants. She tells me their sex is very boring, and she doesn't even look forward to seeing him, since he just doesn't satisfy her needs (physically or emotionally).....

Now... here's my problem.

We spent the last 3 hours talking on the phone, just joking around (a lot about him, I admit...we have a lot of inside jokes now), and just all kinds of "life things". Much as I have my "issues" in life, so does she, but she's a pretty strong person and still gets out and tries to live life as much as possible.

Somehow, during the conversation, the "what about you and me" scenario somehow came up. She kind of knows I've liked her for a while (not "in love" or "lust", but I've always had a bit of a "thing" for her), and I casually "teased" her about it. When she mentioned her "bf" wasn't into foreplay, I joked about how "with me, you'd never have that problem, foreplay is my favorite part of sex..." etc..... Suddenly, she's taken up an interest in me in more than just a friendly way. The conversation changed from "he's this and that and doesn't do this" etc... to "maybe we should get together sometime" (she and I have never gone out ALONE, always with a group of people). She then mentioned "there's nothing wrong with friends with benefits, you know...."

Well... we've been friends since about last fall. I've always liked her, I guess in a little more than friends way, but not quite "I'm in love with her" either. She admitted to me she's clueless about guys, and how she never knows when a guy likes her (as in my case), so I told her not to worry, because sometimes a guy doesn't realize that maybe someone good is right there under his nose all along.........

Now she wants to get together with me, as "more than friends"......

I've honestly never been in a FWB situation before, so this is all new to me. Not that this is where this is absolutely headed, but...................

.....I'll never understand women.

lol....she's calling.....more news later........

-tp

fwb material?

April 4, 2007

Ha ha! Is it who I think it is?

P.S. You're not the FWB type. And that's meant as a compliment.

April 4, 2007

Well, I've never been someone's "FWB" before. I've had a couple of ONS's, but there was nothing "there" emotionally.

This girl is a good friend of mine, and yes, I've always been fond of her.....

She's fed up with the guy she's seeing (he gets very "pissy", as she calls it), and she just doesn't have fun with him. He has an ex-girlfriend who is still somewhat in the picture (not because they are together, but she seems to still find ways to cause him grief). My friend wants nothing to do with that, and is really ready to break up with him.

I don't know if I'm the "FWB" type, but you know something? I have a LOT going on in my life right now, and I don't think I (or she, really) can handle a "full-time" relationship, but, as we've both admitted, we are both very much in need of companionship.

You all know too well how lonely I've been, and she's got a lot on her plate too (nothing bad, just a lot of things going on), but she also misses having an "opposite sex companion", but she also wants someone she can LAUGH with (this other guy is too over-sensitive), and yes, she wants to be sexually satisified too, and preferably by someone with a little more experience (I never knew I'd suddenly become "the more experienced guy")

Maybe I'm not the "perfect guy", and maybe she's not "the perfect girl", but considering how well we get along, all the time we spend laughing together, etc.. Maybe, just maybe, we are what each other needs at this stage of life.....

I guess when we finally spend a little "alone time", it will make more sense, I guess.....

-tp

lonely, but experienced.

April 5, 2007

I guess when we finally spend a little "alone time", it will make more sense, I guess.....

or it will make it More complicated. i agree with Touche, i just do not read you as being that "type".

and IME, it takes some time to build walls within the FWB relationship, so do not expect it to be easy initially....

April 5, 2007

Well...

Nothing's happened yet...

But who knows..... she had it out today with the other guy. He really said some things that pissed her off... been on the phone with her all morning.........

Who knows what will happen.....

-tp

in the thick of drama, as always

April 5, 2007

For f***s sake shut up and get laid.

April 5, 2007

Put my ballot in the "you're not the FWB type." It is a simple and complicated relationship all rolled into one. The premise is simple, but the emotions can play havoc with your heart and brain. I'm sensing that you could end up hurt with this particular friend.

I would rather see you engage in a ONS, or a blow up doll, than FWB.

Even more I would like to see you in a happy, loving relationship.

April 6, 2007

Ha ha! Is it who I think it is?

P.S. You're not the FWB type. And that's meant as a compliment.

He's a man. All men are FWB types

To the OP - well, first do your duty as a friend and tell her to dump this guy, then advise her on how to get rid of him (since he'll probably come crying after her). Once she's done it, then you can show her how a real man handles foreplay

And don't worry too much about the FWB thing. You will probably end up falling for each other anyway. If not, then you'll have some fun & gain some interesting experiences. Don't listen to the (well-intentioned, but wrong) women on this thread saying not to get involved. They aren't you and vice versa. There is nothing wrong in starting off on a casual basis, many lasting relationships begin that way. IMO there is little to no downside here, I say go for it.

April 6, 2007

For f***s sake shut up and get laid.

Oh, come on.

You know I'm doing it just for you.

-tp

not really.

April 6, 2007

Even more I would like to see you in a happy, loving relationship.

Ha!

Does "Happy, Loving Relationship Express" deliver?

-tp

hold my mayo

April 6, 2007

First off all, I need to correct something here.

He's a man

No. I'm THE man.

Now that we have THAT out of the way.....

first do your duty as a friend and tell her to dump this guy, then advise her on how to get rid of him (since he'll probably come crying after her).

That's probably happening in about *checks watch* 4 hours when he's SUPPOSED to meet up with her, but she's not even sure if he'll bother showing.

Once she's done it, then you can show her how a real man handles foreplay

Damn right!

Wait..... what do I do first? *scratches head* It's been 9 months, 20 days since I've touched, licked, fingered, stroked, caressed, massaged, devoured, or otherwise violated a woman.

I seem to remember something about using an old phone book and a pogo stick.

And don't worry too much about the FWB thing. You will probably end up falling for each other anyway.

Honestly, I don't see THAT happening..... we're both so jaded by the opposite sex, I think we just want to use each other a few times, between karaoke sessions.

If not, then you'll have some fun & gain some interesting experiences.

Yeah, and I might get laid, too!

Don't listen to the (well-intentioned, but wrong) women on this thread saying not to get involved. They aren't you and vice versa.

Nah, I love my LS women. They've known my situation since almost day 1, and sometimes help me see things I wouldn't normally see on my own (like my toes). I love my girls, and of course, I wish I could share myself with all of them. *evil f'ing grin* I'm just a sweet guy, I can't f'ing help it!

There is nothing wrong in starting off on a casual basis, many lasting relationships begin that way.

Yeah, like my last one:

"I can't believe you let a bored horny girl slip through your fingers" (my ex, after I initially turned down her "offer" via text message and then showing up at her door 30 minutes later, rock-hard erection in hand, effectively ending our friendship and beginning our wonderful, loving *gagging on my own vomit* relationship)

She just had a way with words.

And &%#$.

Boy, could she work a &%#$.

IMO there is little to no downside here, I say go for it.

Ok. So I want to do this. I think SHE wants to do this. And hell, sounds like most of LS wants me to do this.

Lord knows Johnny Jackhammer does. But of course, he's been making 90% of my decisions since I was 16.

-tp

yeah, I said it. Johnny Jackhammer. Prove me wrong.

April 6, 2007

The IDEA of fwb sounds like a good idea. Two adults can have sex without emotional ties.

However, there is always a possibility that feelings will develop for at least one person, especially the female.

Maybe both of you can handle the situation, but your putting yourselves in a position to experiece hurt somewhere along the way.

You should imagine a big CAUTION sign in front of this.

April 6, 2007

I don't even LOOK at a woman without a "caution" sign going off anymore..

Well, her "man" (I use quotes because he sure doesn't act like one) didn't show. Text her an excuse, and when she text him back to see if they could get together later to talk, his reply? "Maybe".

She called me a little while ago for advice... I gave her honest advice. Don't sit around waiting for the "maybe" to become a "yes" (or even a "no").

Life is too short for "maybe".

-tp

perhaps?

April 6, 2007

I have my own advice for you after reading this any many of your other threads

but you dont listen to me so, my postings are more like a comedy break for the rest of the readers on here..

April 7, 2007

I think both men AND women are capable of this type of relationship. Mine worked out fine. Giving it more thought, maybe yours would, too. Go in with no expectations other than sex, and keep that expectation, and you might be okay. The moment you start having feelings, like jealousy (which I admittedly did) address it ,and decide if continuing will hurt you or not.

I insisted that my FWB relationship was monogamous, which sounds silly, but I believe it was. I did develop some feelings in my heart, but my head held course and I knew that it was irrational and stupid to think otherwise.

I WANT you to get laid. Getting laid is what you may need, I just worry that you will get hurt. And I happen to care.

Do what's right for you, I'll be here if the bottom falls out.

Who knows, this could be something special for both of you..

April 7, 2007

Wait until they break up before anything sexually happens between the two of you.

April 7, 2007

Absolutely.....

I don't put my toys in the box until it's been cleaned out.

Ok, I just made that line up.

Anyhow, she did wind up seeing him last night, and he gave her the whole "sad puppy" routine, and she "forgave" him, at least to the point of not ripping him a new a-hole for the way he's been acting.

She called me last night, and we talked for over an hour about it. She does care about the guy, but she just can't see a future with him, because of his over-sensitivity, jealous nature (he got mad because she was trying to be friendly to HIS friends), and generally whininess.

My God, you'd think she was dating the old me!

She admits he is WAY too "effeminate" for her, and acknowledges the fact that "there are other fish in the sea", and upon saying that, added, "like YOU, for instance....."

Yay, I made the top of the "other fish" list! *chuckles*

The thing that scares me is, that I know this guy is a screw-up when it comes to relationships, but I see so much of myself in him, but not AS bad...

They've been dating 2 months, and about 3 weeks in he started talking about them moving in together, which freaked her out. At least with my ex, we knew each other about 4 months and dated over 3 months before I tried to "ramp up" the relationship. They only met 2 months ago, and started seeing each other right away.

He's upset because her ex husband is still in the picture (he spends a LOT of time at her house with the kids, and does sleep over very often - in a separate room, many times doing so, so she can have something of a social life). She admits her ex is a very good father, but she feels nothing for him otherwise. But, her "man" just can't accept that. He has no problem with her kids, but the fact that the ex is around a lot seems to make him jealous. She's truly afraid that this could only lead to trouble down the line.

As for me, I don't think I'd date a woman with kids who would shut out her ex from her kid's life. Unless a woman's ex is abusive, to shut him out of their child's life is a sign of total disrespect to fatherhood (and men in general), so seeing that she is able to make sure her kids have as "normal" a life as possible, while maintaining a "cordial" relationship with her ex is a true sign of maturity, something her "man" needs to find for himself.

I'll be honest. I don't know if anything is really going to happen, especially since I've never (well, maybe ONCE) been in an FWB situation.

I'm just going to play it cool, and let the chips fall where they may.

-tp

the "other man" lol

April 7, 2007

She called me last night, and we talked for over an hour about it. She does care about the guy, but she just can't see a future with him, because of his over-sensitivity, jealous nature (he got mad because she was trying to be friendly to HIS friends), and generally whininess.

My train of thought now is this...

Is it possible that she's transferring feelings from him to you? Getting that attention from you, and ofcourse you two being friends - She knows that she can trust you and that you care for her - When a woman is in a relationship that is sinking and one of her male friends is "there" for her alot, it's very easy to latch onto the male friend and take little things out of context. (Hope that makes sense.) You seem to have alot of influence over her, so just be careful how much you bash this guy with her. (Not saying you do, but if she goes off on a rant, instead of laughing about it all, encourage her to see the positive and let her think it out. Last thing you need is for her to dump him and come to you, and then realize that she still 'likes' him and wants him back.) I feel too, that you could easily fall for this girl, the makings of a good relatioship is all there - Just feelings and emotions are waiting in the wings, so to speak...

As for her ex, the bf has to accept that he's part of her life forever. The ex sleeping over bit,even if it is separate bedrooms, I can understand how that upsets and pisses him off...If I were in his shoes, I don't think I'd like that either. It's just inappropriate when you're with someone else to let an ex sleep over. Ya know?

April 7, 2007

Is that Ariawoman?!

Oh, I told you you guys would make the best couple.

Just go to bed with her (if it's her) and in a couple months you'll be announcing your wedding.

Yeee!!!

Ariadne

Ps: See, after you met, everyone else is just boring.

April 7, 2007

Is that Ariawoman?!

Oh, I told you you guys would make the best couple.

Just go to bed with her (if it's her) and in a couple months you'll be announcing your wedding.

Yeee!!!

Ariadne

Ps: See, after you met, everyone else is just boring.

I was implying the same thing. That's who I think it is too.

April 7, 2007

Wow you guys are WAY off.

For one, I'm single, never been married.

For two, I dont have any kids lol.

For three, I'm 100000% still in love with my ex who I am still "friends" with, which is of course killing me slowly.

So no, I hate to say it, but it's not me lol. TP and I are friends, which is what we will always be.

It's nice that everyone on here is rooting for both of us to be happy, though. :-)

April 7, 2007

As for her ex, the bf has to accept that he's part of her life forever. The ex sleeping over bit,even if it is separate bedrooms, I can understand how that upsets and pisses him off...If I were in his shoes, I don't think I'd like that either. It's just inappropriate when you're with someone else to let an ex sleep over. Ya know?

Well, her ex sleeps over because she likes to go out with her friends, and he watches the kids, so instead of driving home at all hours of the a.m., he sleeps over.

They've had this arrangement since before the bf came into the picture.

I see no problem with it. I wouldn't want someone out on the roads in the middle of the night if they were that tired!

-tp

mr. considerate:)

April 7, 2007

Well, her ex sleeps over because she likes to go out with her friends, and he watches the kids, so instead of driving home at all hours of the a.m., he sleeps over.

They've had this arrangement since before the bf came into the picture.

I see no problem with it. I wouldn't want someone out on the roads in the middle of the night if they were that tired!

I smell something fishy

-alpha

chicken of the sea

April 7, 2007

Is that Ariawoman?!

Oh, I told you you guys would make the best couple.

Just go to bed with her (if it's her) and in a couple months you'll be announcing your wedding.

Yeee!!!

Ariadne

Ps: See, after you met, everyone else is just boring.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Just to clarify, NO.

-tp

never said I WOULDN'T, though! I'm just not!

April 7, 2007

I was implying the same thing. That's who I think it is too.

It is no one from LS.

Plain and simple.

Heck, I'm not even sure Ariawoman is 100% sure of who I'm talking about, and she and I have a lot of mutual friends.

-tp

not doing Ariawoman. lol

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Confusion over potential FWB situation.....

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