Author a4a Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 a4a, I'm sure I'm more similar to your husband. The more he thinks you will fix his mistakes or whip him into shape, the more he will continue to drop the ball. It is obviously working for him in some (sick?) way. He's letting you be a parent to him instead of a wife. When you get on his case, it gives him a reason to be mad at you, and then he "forgets" about the phone bill for next month. It is a cycle, for sure. Yep........ been through the parent and not a partner thing.... this dog won't hunt! :lmao: So nothing left to do but live and laugh about it.... with the occassional fart thrown in. Next year I probably will be saying...... "yep, I was married to a dumbass"..... "whatever" " who wants another shot?" Really the challenge is not to feel hurt..... because I will get vicious with him..... I don't want to do that. No need, but if I start feeling hurt... well I probably will lose control and get nasty.
Author a4a Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 Should I just go ahead and poop in his shoes today or wait until I am ready to move out? :lmao:
Art_Critic Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Should I just go ahead and poop in his shoes today or wait until I am ready to move out? :lmao: I thought the meat or fish was for when you move out....yeah.. poop away...
JadeStar Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 a4a, I'm sure I'm more similar to your husband. The more he thinks you will fix his mistakes or whip him into shape, the more he will continue to drop the ball. It is obviously working for him in some (sick?) way. He's letting you be a parent to him instead of a wife. When you get on his case, it gives him a reason to be mad at you, and then he "forgets" about the phone bill for next month. It is a cycle, for sure. BINGOOOOOO!
Aloros Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Your H sounds a lot like my ex - sweet, nice guy, good friend, but could not get things done to save his life. EVER. I was with him for 5.5 years, and boy, do I feel your frustration. I felt like his mom, always pushing for him to get things done. I just couldn't rely on him. I had to do everything myself, because I never knew WHEN he'd get around to things. And when asked why he couldn't manage to do things right (did I mention he was consistently late to work?), he always had a pretty good excuse, which is why I stuck around for so long. After a while though, I started asking "But WHY doesn't anyone else have these problems??" And he'd say "I don't know." Har har, always the victim, huh? We even went the whole therapist route. The therapist said we had no problems with communication, I was fine, but he wanted to work more with my ex. I think that was close to the end for me. You're probably beginning to see, like I did, that he will not change, no matter what he says or promises. I was sad for a few days after breaking up with him, but after that it was such a RELIEF. No need to worry about him not doing what he was supposed to, no need to hound after him to get things done, no worrying about what my future would be like with this guy. Take that vacation, get away for a while. Sounds like you need it. Find someone who likes to work hard/play hard like you do. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who feels like your partner. You definitely deserve someone who will stand up for you. I'm with a guy who's much more Type A personality, like me. We get home from work, work on our projects (contract work, extra work from day-jobs, hw from "fun" community college classes, etc.), and when we're done, either go out and party or stay in and have a party for two. Much, much happier. I never worry about him, because he can take care of himself. And when I need help, I know I can rely on him. Working out a relationship is difficult enough without this added stress.
Author a4a Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 I thought the meat or fish was for when you move out....yeah.. poop away... I was thinking of shoveling some nice ripe road kill into the crawl space
Author a4a Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 Your H sounds a lot like my ex - sweet, nice guy, good friend, but could not get things done to save his life. EVER. I was with him for 5.5 years, and boy, do I feel your frustration. I felt like his mom, always pushing for him to get things done. I just couldn't rely on him. I had to do everything myself, because I never knew WHEN he'd get around to things. And when asked why he couldn't manage to do things right (did I mention he was consistently late to work?), he always had a pretty good excuse, which is why I stuck around for so long. After a while though, I started asking "But WHY doesn't anyone else have these problems??" And he'd say "I don't know." Har har, always the victim, huh? We even went the whole therapist route. The therapist said we had no problems with communication, I was fine, but he wanted to work more with my ex. I think that was close to the end for me. You're probably beginning to see, like I did, that he will not change, no matter what he says or promises. I was sad for a few days after breaking up with him, but after that it was such a RELIEF. No need to worry about him not doing what he was supposed to, no need to hound after him to get things done, no worrying about what my future would be like with this guy. Take that vacation, get away for a while. Sounds like you need it. Find someone who likes to work hard/play hard like you do. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who feels like your partner. You definitely deserve someone who will stand up for you. I'm with a guy who's much more Type A personality, like me. We get home from work, work on our projects (contract work, extra work from day-jobs, hw from "fun" community college classes, etc.), and when we're done, either go out and party or stay in and have a party for two. Much, much happier. I never worry about him, because he can take care of himself. And when I need help, I know I can rely on him. Working out a relationship is difficult enough without this added stress. I bet it is the same guy! :lmao: Please tell me there are not more of these things out there that I could run into!!! PLEASE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Back to being a lesbian for me.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Revelation # 2 is creeping in concerning my own history. Hubby # 1 was this way too. I may need to take a very close look at current BF without my love blinders on as I don't want this same scenario again. Better check my vision, here. Save the poop and crawlspace filling until the hole has been dug with the backhoe. That's my suggestion. You don't need any more messes to clean up right now. Ahhhhh, Margaritaville does sound heavenly.
quankanne Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I was thinking of shoveling some nice ripe road kill into the crawl space can't remember where I heard this, but putting dead critters inside the curtain rods works well, because they'll be cleaning floors and furniture trying to get rid of the smell.
Author a4a Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 I was thinking of shoveling some nice ripe road kill into the crawl space can't remember where I heard this, but putting dead critters inside the curtain rods works well, because they'll be cleaning floors and furniture trying to get rid of the smell. A4A ponders with intensity about how to go about pooping in the curtain rods.
Author a4a Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 Ok what do you think the H will do upon arriving home? 1. Hang head in shame, makes small talk, and asks me what I want for dinner? 2. Walks in with flowers, make a huge apology and say "we can work this out" 3. Pretend like nothing has happened and mentions he paid the elec. bill. 4. Crawl in on hands and knees crying saying how stupid he is and doesn't deserve to live. 5. Does not come home, instead rolls the kitchen chicken in flour and hunts for the wet spot. 6. Walks in and extolls his greatness for paying the elec. bill and asks how my day was. Pick one or make up your own.......
dropdeadlegs Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 My money is on # 3, but I was tempted with # 6. I haven't read enough about him to make an accurate wager, but I'm a gambler. # 3 it is for me. This is more fun than the good intentions I had of cleaning today.
Touche Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I'd say 3 as well. But he might ask how your day was too. Hey Legs, I hear you! I've wasted half the day on here. SO much to do..I'm in full proscrastination mode.
quankanne Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 definitely #3, with the addendum of "Why aren't you gonna pat me on the head for paying the bill? Huh? Huh?" A4A ponders with intensity about how to go about pooping in the curtain rods.f doggie training manual, Chapter 7, Kreative Krapping for Kanines
hotgurl Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I vote for #3 except afterwards he'll ask what for dinner. And you'll say a fork in the head.
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I want so badly to pick option #5 but I'm not convinced I know what it means. Probably #3, if he's passive-aggressive. Avoidance of conflict, at all costs.
Touche Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I want so badly to pick option #5 but I'm not convinced I know what it means. Probably #3, if he's passive-aggressive. Avoidance of conflict, at all costs. Believe me you don't want to know what it means! By the way, A...is that her in your avatar? (kc)
Art_Critic Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 can't be – no traces of flour on her shirt ... sometimes flour isn't needed.. any wrinkle will do with the right lube
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Believe me you don't want to know what it means! By the way, A...is that her in your avatar? (kc) Okay, thanks for the tip. Sorry a4a.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I want so badly to pick option #5 but I'm not convinced I know what it means. Probably #3, if he's passive-aggressive. Avoidance of conflict, at all costs. Kitchen chicken is...I should let a4a explain. You would enjoy it so much more! hotgurl I like your addition to the option. Too funny. Touche I call them Scarlett O'Hara days, as in "tomorrow's another day." It sounds so much more genteel and ladylike than procrastination. That sounds too much like "crass" and crass sounds negative ( Am I kidding anyone other than myself?)
Mustang Sally Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 a4a, I just wanted to tell you I empathize with you. You have described my H to a T (aside from the bringing up past lovers-business). Could it be we are married to the same guy??? Before I told H the separation stuff, I took about a week and went to the beach. By myself. Did alot of thinking, drinking, etc. That's about the only advice I can give you. Go for it with the vacation. Gave me some clarity, and nice to eat breakfast in bed for a few days. Good luck. (P.S. I wouldn't go for human poop, do you have any hogs? Or anyone near you have any hogs? That's the most vile, IMO.)
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Kitchen chicken is...I should let a4a explain. You would enjoy it so much more! Sometimes I'm so naive... I'll wait for a4a's explanation but I think the light finally went on...
dropdeadlegs Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Sometimes I'm so naive... I'll wait for a4a's explanation but I think the light finally went on... You are, by far, not naive. This is just one of a4a'a euphemism's and I wouldn't do justice to an explanation. Hers will crack you up! You could find references in other posts, but that could take more time than waiting for her response. I can't think of a specific thread to reference offhand, or I'd post a link. Maybe someone else has a better recollection than I do.
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