beachlover Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I met a guy on the plane on my way home from spring break a few weeks ago. We started talking through myspace and then over the phone and instant messaging. When we first met he told me he was in the air force and was being transfered to the base near me until he had to go to Iraq in May. He doesn't know much about my area at all since he is from half way across the US, so the first week or so we talked once or twice and 99% of the conversations were about what there is to do here, what the weather is like, what I would recommend him doing while here, etc. Unexpectedly one night he called because he was bored, we ended up talking for 2 hours about my school and his training, our home towns, etc. He admitted that he was really starting to like me and honestly I was starting to like him too. Since then we have talked either on line or on the phone every other day. He is incredibly sweet, he sends me text messages randomly saying he is hoping I am having a great day, or that he was thinking about me, etc. I have never had any guy be that sweet to me (most of the guys I have dated were complete jerks). So what do I do now? He is leaving for Iraq the first week of May and will be gone for 6-7 months (he is a specialist and has already been there two times so he has a good idea of how long he will be there). Then he will be back here for at least 3 months, until he gets orders to be stationed somewhere, he says there is a good chance he will be stationed here, but there is no guarantee what so ever.
silentcharon Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I met a guy on the plane on my way home from spring break a few weeks ago. We started talking through myspace and then over the phone and instant messaging. When we first met he told me he was in the air force and was being transfered to the base near me until he had to go to Iraq in May. He doesn't know much about my area at all since he is from half way across the US, so the first week or so we talked once or twice and 99% of the conversations were about what there is to do here, what the weather is like, what I would recommend him doing while here, etc. Unexpectedly one night he called because he was bored, we ended up talking for 2 hours about my school and his training, our home towns, etc. He admitted that he was really starting to like me and honestly I was starting to like him too. Since then we have talked either on line or on the phone every other day. He is incredibly sweet, he sends me text messages randomly saying he is hoping I am having a great day, or that he was thinking about me, etc. I have never had any guy be that sweet to me (most of the guys I have dated were complete jerks). So what do I do now? He is leaving for Iraq the first week of May and will be gone for 6-7 months (he is a specialist and has already been there two times so he has a good idea of how long he will be there). Then he will be back here for at least 3 months, until he gets orders to be stationed somewhere, he says there is a good chance he will be stationed here, but there is no guarantee what so ever. Hmm, maybe wait till he gets back from Iraq. You'll only have a month if you try it now and then he'll be gone for 6 to 7 months. It might be a better idea to wait till he gets back so you can try it out with him. He'll be here longer, and you'll get to know him better with some more time. You'll also know for sure whether he's going to be stationed where you live. Just my 2 cents..
Sand&Water Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 RE: Obviously, Beachlover, there are numerous unanswered questions circling around this situation: Can you handle a Long Distance Relationship? Are you willing to wait 6/7 months for him? Are you emotionally/romantically invested in him? Do you want to get involved with an Air Force Man? You have only known him for about a month. I advice against it. At least wait until he returns from Iraq. Meanwhile, keep him as a friend/light friend/acquaintance. Sand&Water
Author beachlover Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 I appreciate the replies I was thinking that I should wait until he gets back from Iraq but then I would just be waiting to see if he gets stationed here or not. It's just bad timing for all of this. I could do long distance, I have before and on my end everything went well, I could wait 6-7 months for him, I don't think I am romantically invested but I starting to get more and more emotionally invested, and I don't know if I want to get involved with an air force guy. I have always said I could never date someone in the military after seeing what some of my friends have gone through either being in the military themselves or having a husband in the military. I can think about all of this logically and I make the decision that it is not a good idea. But I still like the guy, he has treated me better in the last month than any of my exes have during my longest relationships. I think that is why this is so hard for me to make a decision, because he does treat me so well.
Lauriebell82 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I appreciate the replies I was thinking that I should wait until he gets back from Iraq but then I would just be waiting to see if he gets stationed here or not. It's just bad timing for all of this. I could do long distance, I have before and on my end everything went well, I could wait 6-7 months for him, I don't think I am romantically invested but I starting to get more and more emotionally invested, and I don't know if I want to get involved with an air force guy. I have always said I could never date someone in the military after seeing what some of my friends have gone through either being in the military themselves or having a husband in the military. I can think about all of this logically and I make the decision that it is not a good idea. But I still like the guy, he has treated me better in the last month than any of my exes have during my longest relationships. I think that is why this is so hard for me to make a decision, because he does treat me so well. ur making a good decision. i agree with everyone else that u should maybe wait until he comes back. but he still may get stationed somewhere else, u know this. maybe u could just stay friends, if u like talking to him. keep ur options open and keep dating in the meantime. u sound like u have a good head on ur shoulders!
Author beachlover Posted April 14, 2007 Author Posted April 14, 2007 I think I have gotten myself into trouble now... I have been talking to this guy almost every night for the past week, either on the phone, online or through text messages. The nights that we talk on the phone we end up talking for anywhere between an hour and 3 hours and it feels like only 30 minutes has passed. Of everything that I have found out about him there is only one thing that I don't like and that is that he smokes, however he is trying to quit. He has made it really clear that he likes me a lot, he has made comments several times about him flying me to where ever he gets stationed when he gets back, and/or flying to my city to see me, etc. Everything is really cute and all but I have only seen him in person once, and that is kinda freaking me out. The good part is that he has made no comments about being in a relationship of any type while he is gone, like I half expected him to. I am really starting to like him, and part of me wants to stop talking to him now so that I can protect myself from getting too hurt when he leaves, but the other part of me wants to keep talking to him and give him support while he is in Iraq. What would you do if you were in my position?
kribby Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I think I have gotten myself into trouble now... I have been talking to this guy almost every night for the past week, either on the phone, online or through text messages. The nights that we talk on the phone we end up talking for anywhere between an hour and 3 hours and it feels like only 30 minutes has passed. Of everything that I have found out about him there is only one thing that I don't like and that is that he smokes, however he is trying to quit. He has made it really clear that he likes me a lot, he has made comments several times about him flying me to where ever he gets stationed when he gets back, and/or flying to my city to see me, etc. Everything is really cute and all but I have only seen him in person once, and that is kinda freaking me out. The good part is that he has made no comments about being in a relationship of any type while he is gone, like I half expected him to. I am really starting to like him, and part of me wants to stop talking to him now so that I can protect myself from getting too hurt when he leaves, but the other part of me wants to keep talking to him and give him support while he is in Iraq. What would you do if you were in my position? Well, if I were you I would really think about what I am doing. You know, sometimes being in or starting a long distance relationship is a coping mechanism. Perhaps a person doesn't want to deal with seeing someone on a daily basis-- maybe they are not ready for physical closeness or something 'real'. What do you want from a relationship? Do you want talking and conversation... do you want physical proximity... a daily- a weekly companion? What sort of intimacy will suffice? If you like this guy-- and being in a LDR or starting one-- just WORKS for you and for him then there is no issue. Perhaps you need to figure out if that is what you want and ask him as well. If you know you want to begin a relationship--- and continuing in the same vein as what you have started (lots of conversation) works for you... if you can deal with your relationship being pretty much phone and ocassional visits... Then go ahead with it... you know-- start something. The thing I believe about LDR's is both parties have to know what they want-- and be satisfied with the boundaries and with what they have and can realistically have.
Author beachlover Posted April 15, 2007 Author Posted April 15, 2007 The thing is that if he were here I would start a relationship with him, no problem... and I have done long distance before, almost 3 years, and from my end everything was fine (it was my ex who cheated and screwed everything up). I wouldn't even mind long distance if he were somewhere where I could visit him or where he could visit me, but when he is in Iraq that isn't going to happen. I would really like to have a relationship where I can actually see the guy on a regular basis but it seems like all of the guys I meet here are scum and all of the good guys I meet are not close to here and I have been trying not to start another LDR, so I have been intentionally distancing myself from other guys. Then this guy shows up and I don't know what to do.
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