Guest Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Hey everyone, I suppose I will cut right to the chase; I feel terrible, absolutely awful. My girlfriend and I recently have been not fighting, but making each other upset lately, by accident. And then the other night she told me she didn't love me as much, and she didn't know if she wanted to last forever anymore (she previously did). And I know me and her are young (not going to give ages because it really doesn't matter) but I just feel terrible, because I feel I love her, and I know I'd do anything for her, anything. I can't stop crying because I don't know what to do, I just want her to feel the same way she did before Any advice would be appreciated so much, thank you all for listening! by the way, we've been dating for 9 months.
Lauriebell82 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 \ And then the other night she told me she didn't love me as much, and she didn't know if she wanted to last forever anymore (she previously did). wow thats a hurtful thing for her to say, even if u are upsetting each other. \ And I know me and her are young (not going to give ages because it really doesn't matter) actually it kind of does..if ur young like real young, sometimes u dont know what u want. if ur in ur 20's, its quite common to think u have found the "one" than question it later. ur still maturing and turning into adults, so confusion starts to set in and questions about the future and marriage/children/houses start to enter the mindset. if something isnt right in ur relationship its easy to have doubts and be unsure if who ur with is the person u are going to marry. \ by the way, we've been dating for 9 months. 9 months is a little too soon to def. know u want to spend the rest of ur life with the person. the first year of a relationship ur still getting to know each other, finding likes and dislikes. u may be still in the "honeymoon phase" and she may not. talk to her and ask her why she is having doubts and if it is something u can work on together.
Mike15 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Hey Lauriebell, I'm "Guest". First off thank you so much for the reply! I'd like to start off by saying that she didn't say those things out of her being upset, something just must have changed? She is younger than I, and I realize I'm very young to say such a bold statement as to "I want to be with you forever" but I guess I just say it because it's how I really felt/feel. And I know she was saying the exact thin you told me, she didn't know what she wanted to do in life, etc etc... I just can't stand the thought of her with any other guy, and I don't mean to be arrogant at all but I'm one darn good boyfriend :-/ You are also right that 9 months is too soon, I guess I'll just have to wait it out and see how things go? Can you offer me any advice? Should I lay off a little bit? Maybe not talk about our futures together? I just feel so awful, I talked to her on the phone just a bit ago and she seems good, she says she loves me and everything, she just wants to take things slow I guess. I'm just so upset I don't even know why, I guess I just expected too much from her. Thanks for the help!!! PS- I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but she just recently started birth control and coincidently she's been acting A LOT different (different personality, upset more, things like that) Could this have something to do with it? (Note: BC she is on isn't for us having sex because we haven't and don't plan to, it's for just personal things, so personal she can't just get off it until something is taken care of)
Lauriebell82 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Hey Lauriebell, I'm "Guest". First off thank you so much for the reply! I'd like to start off by saying that she didn't say those things out of her being upset, something just must have changed? She is younger than I, and I realize I'm very young to say such a bold statement as to "I want to be with you forever" but I guess I just say it because it's how I really felt/feel. And I know she was saying the exact thin you told me, she didn't know what she wanted to do in life, etc etc... I just can't stand the thought of her with any other guy, and I don't mean to be arrogant at all but I'm one darn good boyfriend :-/ You are also right that 9 months is too soon, I guess I'll just have to wait it out and see how things go? Can you offer me any advice? Should I lay off a little bit? Maybe not talk about our futures together? I just feel so awful, I talked to her on the phone just a bit ago and she seems good, she says she loves me and everything, she just wants to take things slow I guess. I'm just so upset I don't even know why, I guess I just expected too much from her. Thanks for the help!!! PS- I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but she just recently started birth control and coincidently she's been acting A LOT different (different personality, upset more, things like that) Could this have something to do with it? (Note: BC she is on isn't for us having sex because we haven't and don't plan to, it's for just personal things, so personal she can't just get off it until something is taken care of) yes, lay off the "forever" talk. she is probably freaking out, and i'm sure she loves u, so just take it slow and see what happens. u guys are young, so just be together and enjoy ur relationship. its hard not to get wrapped up in the whole future talking, esp. when u really love the person. as far as her bc goes, yes it could be a factor as to why she is more upset. hormones from bc can make u nuts, believe me i know from experience! just bare with her, lay off the future talk, and enjoy spending time with her. u sound like a nice well meaning guy, and i'm sure that u treat her well. u just got a little ahead of urself. it happens! try not to give her a hard time about her emotional state though, it is most likely related to the bc if u've seen the sudden change.
Mike15 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Okay, I definately will lay off the forever talk till she brings it up, and I will enjoy my relationship, just as I was before the inevitable drama occured One final question, will the BC thing ever go away, will she ever get over the emotional thing with it? Anyway, thanks a lot, so so much, you've done me a lot of good =)
dropdeadlegs Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Welcome to LS, Mike. Something else to possibly consider. Is there any kind of life altering change in the near future, like changing schools or graduation or anything else you might be aware of? These times can often make us reflect on our lives and current situations, as well as our futures. I mention this because my daughter will be graduating from high school next month and just broke up with her boyfriend of about two years. She was pretty tormented about the decision, but doesn't think they have a real future together even though they love each other very much. She feels their goals and expectations are too different, as well as some fairly minor relationship issues that probably could have been resolved but haven't been despite her bringing these things to his attention. I think her impending graduation may have triggered things in her mind since high school graduation is somewhat of a turning point in life. Just something to consider. This may pass. Relationships have some ups and downs and I have learned to keep any "passing moments" to myself because they often do pass. Don't feel obligated to reply, it's just something that occurred to me. Good luck to you, Mike. I hope things work out the way you desire.
Mike15 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Hey thanks a lot dropdeadlegs, I will mos def keep that in mind! Thanks
Lauriebell82 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 One final question, will the BC thing ever go away, will she ever get over the emotional thing with it well she'll still problem struggle with the change in hormones as long as she's on bc, however she may get used to it and it might tone down. when she gets off it, she may experience less emotional mood swings. as her bf just be supportive and be there for her.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Mike, it has been several years since I was on BC, but maybe she should discuss it with her Dr. if she is having difficulty with mood swings. There may be an alternative brand or dosage that would help with whatever personal problem she is experiencing and lessen any hormonal mood swings. I don't know, I didn't have any problems with BC, but I was on Ortho Novum 7/7/7 and my understanding of this particular brand and its dosages was that as your natural hormones increase, the hormonal levels in the pills decrease and that effectively keeps hormone levels at a more "level" rate. Following menstruation natural hormone levels drop significantly and increase until the next period of menstruation. As such, my first week pills had 50 mg, the second week had 35 mg, and the third week had 25 mg, with the week of menstruation not requiring any pill usage. That kept me relatively level throughout the month. Won't your girlfriend be surprised at how knowledgeable you are about BC options? I know that this may not even be the issue, but knowledge is power!
Mike15 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Thanks for that I talked to her again, and it feels like she dosen't even care about me anymore, I know she does deep down inside, but she's just not showing her love and caring. And every time I bring it up she says she's fine, and she thinks I'm upset and starts saying how I'm always getting upset. This is so spontanious of her, she started birth control like 2 weeks ago, and all of the sudden these last three days she's been acting weird and I feel absolutely terrible :-/
Lauriebell82 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Thanks for that I talked to her again, and it feels like she dosen't even care about me anymore, I know she does deep down inside, but she's just not showing her love and caring. And every time I bring it up she says she's fine, and she thinks I'm upset and starts saying how I'm always getting upset. This is so spontanious of her, she started birth control like 2 weeks ago, and all of the sudden these last three days she's been acting weird and I feel absolutely terrible :-/ stop asking her whats wrong. she may be getting annoyed and that is making her moodier. sometimes my bf will ask me whats wrong and i just say nothing cause i dont want to talk about it. thats weird that the last three days have been strange. has anything sudden happened in her life (besides bc) that may have been making her upset? people usually doesnt suddenly act weird in a relationship. all u can do is let her deal with it, and when she's ready to talk about it she will.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Mike, I have to agree that it's best not to push her or you may push her away. Try to let conversation flow without appearing insecure, even when you are terrified that she is one sentence away from breaking up. If she is , there is little you can do about it except say that you will allow her X days/weeks to think about her decision and be sure. Let her initiate conversations and give her some space because crowding will definitely force her to push you back, maybe way back. I know this is a hard time for you. No matter what the outcome patience and understanding is the only option right now. In another week or two she might be like her old self if the BC is causing havoc on her hormones. Lets cross that bridge when we get to it, though. It will take months to track her moods and determine if the BC is the culprit. If you feel insecure and she seems distant, try to post your feelings here and we'll try to help you over the rough spots. Your feelings are valid, but she may not be the person to express all of them too if she's in a passing phase. Expressing too much insecurity may drive her away. Care and concern are fine, it's okay to let her know that you will be there if she needs to talk about anything, but don't get all needy on her. Best of luck getting through this.
Mike15 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Hey thanks again, this is really helping me, I've decided I'm going to give her some space, act less "obsessive" and see how that works. I've decided there isn't really much I can do about the way she's been acting, she'll have to figure it out for herself. Until then, I'll still be the boyfriend to her I always have been, and make her feel comfortable and loved still. I'll be sure to post some updates, thank you both!!!
Mike15 Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been giving updates, just been trying everything out; Well things have gotten better for the most part, we kind of put the future issue behind us and we'll cross that bridge when we get there. She told me she loved me as much as she did before and that she promises she does. And as of right now things are going uphill, very good. But (haha yes, always a but), things just don't seem how they were before. I'm sure time will fix that but still, it's just bothersome. I know she loves me, and I know she's not interested in anyone else, but she's just acting different. And the big thing is, I've noticed that she doesn't appreciate me nearly as much as she did before. She doesn't do the same things (little things) that make me happy, and she doesn't act like I'm that important to her. I know the best thing would be to talk to her about it, but I don't want to make her upset and I don't want to listen to some rant (no offense to her at all). Like I said, things are going good, but they aren't the same yet... Thanks =)
dropdeadlegs Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Good to hear from you Mike. In relationships, we are usually bringing the best part of ourselves in first, kind of like sending our Public Relations Rep., and in time we end up showing every aspect of our personalities. Eventually we have to. In the beginning months, we are often filled with the brain chemicals that cause feelings of attraction, lust, and sometimes love. Eventually those chemicals balance out and suddenly we are no longer in that "honeymoon phase" spoken of so often. It's a normal thing and can take anywhere from 6-24 months for the initial rush feelings to wane somewhat. It doesn't mean that the relationship won't last, but it's a more honest version of the relationship than the one that drew us together. Things may never be quite like they were before, or there may be episodes of "before" mixed in with a lot of "now." Sadly, some of the initial luster gets lost, but anything golden is bound to become worn to an extent. It sounds like you're keeping your head and taking each day as it comes. That's all you really can do. Keep that attitude and enjoy whatever time you have together whether it be six more weeks or sixty more years. One can never know what the future brings. Thanks for the update!
Mike15 Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 Hey dropdeadlegs thanks a lot =) You are absolutely right, I'm just going to keep taking things one day at a time and if it's meant to be it will happen I guess! Thanks again!
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