Guest Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I posted a while back about being baited and ultimately humiliated by xmm after he kept saying he would call and then he didn't. He couldn't get away fast enough from me and had me running after him when I spotted him whilst driving. Well many weeks later, I went to the local library and started using the computer when 5 minutes later xmm walked in. He came straight up to me and sat down in the chair beside me. He acted like nothing had happened between us. No apology, nothing. Well it is a public place and although I was annoyed with him it was inappropriate to start complaining. More to the point, I have learnt over the past few weeks that indifference is the best response, as it helps me to move on. I realised that he might have enjoyed getting a reaction out of me but he didn't get the chance. He talked about my job and then about himself of course--his favourite topic. I never asked about him or his family. He was dishevelled, not shaved and was quite scruffy. I was smart as i had just come from work. His eyes wee starey when he was talking to me. He did lapse into flirting but I just looked away. He asked if I was going away for Easter and I said yes. So after about 15 minutes, I said he could have my computer. So I got up, and he sat down. I think he thought I was going to sit in the spare seat but I said to him "Happy Easter" and he looked a bit surprised but said "happy easter". Then he said "When will you be back -which day next week"? So with all the strength I could muster I said "Guess I will see you around, good-bye" and I walked off without looking back. Now that was very difficult for me because I wanted answers, but I didn't give him the chance to say "I'll call you soon". What do you make of this and why did he come and sit down next to me when he could have easily avoided me. It sure wasn't to apologise. Maybe I am reading to much into this and he just wanted a truce and that he was relieved when I didn't go into why he hadn't called. He was interested in when I would be back after easter, but maybe that was mind games too. All I know is that I feel so much beter for having got the pwer back and for walking away with some dignity after humiliating myself. He knows that I definitely do not want an affair--but then maybe he doesn't either. At least I "dismissed" him with alot more grace than he did to me so he might like to ponder my behaviour as compared to his. I actually feel that I have truly let him go and hopefully he is working on his marriage but I obviously didn't want to have that discussion with him. I did actually feel that he was quite a sad and rather pathetic person still talking about himself, still saying that he could have been a "lawyer" and not once did he mention the phone calls and neither did I. I was completely indifferent to him and that is a sweet place to be.
shellys-trying Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 He's just trying to use you again. I wouldn't read anything into what he did/said at the library. If he thinks he can knock off another piece for old times sake he will. To him, you're just someone to have sex with. That's it. I know that's harsh but there you go. Take it as you want to. I'd ignore him and move on.
Chapter2 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 No one knows what is going on in his head so this is a dangerous place to ask that. To hear that all you are to him was someone to have sex with is cruel because no one knows that for sure. What is important is that you walked away. It took a lot of courage for you to do that and you should count that as a victory. You are too valuable to be kept a secret and worth far more than allowing yourself to be with someone like him even if he were available. Be proud of your actions in the library. I am proud of you! Keep it up;)
Freedom Now Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Keep your power! You did the absolute best thing for yourself. You walked away with dignity and grace and in the process you gained LOADS of self-respect. I, too, am proud of you. Keep on walking in the opposite direction from him. I am sure he doesn't know what hit him but he will soon. There is no greater feeling than walking away on YOUR terms. Don't lose that feeling. I haven't. Peace to you and have a super Easter!
PoshPrincess Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 [quote=Chapter2;1145348]No one knows what is going on in his head so this is a dangerous place to ask that. To hear that all you are to him was someone to have sex with is cruel because no one knows that for sure. I'm glad you said that Chapter2 as sometimes I think people on here judge to harshly and, as you say, no one knows, only him! Guest, you're doing brilliantly. Be proud of yourself for being such a strong person. I really admire you for it because I find it VERY hard!
shellys-trying Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Yep, all the people here have made some good points. There's too many worthwhile SG's out there to waste your time on some M loser who only thinks with his privates. I'd look at it from this point on that if he's M, whomever the guy is, he's just in it for a POA. If you value yourself more than just being that to a man, you'll sidestep garbage like that and walk on. EVERYTIME About the way the MM acted towards her in the library; No I don't personally know what he thought of her, but anyone with commonsense could tell that he was arrogant enough to think she wouldn't brush him off just by walking up to her in a public place and act like nothing was wrong. He was a jerk just for doing that. IMPO, I think he thought, from the way she said he acted, like he could take up where he left off, like she was something he could manipulate because of what she'd done in her past. If she just continues to show him the side she showed in the library and mean it, then she's on the right track.
Freedom Now Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Yes, shelly, you are right. She needs to take that stand and stick with it. It shows loving self respect to do it!
Guest Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Since I got back from my easter break, I popped into the library on 2 successive Fridays. Guess who was there at the computer? Yes, xmm. I am not saying that he was in there looking for me, but I did tell him a while back that I left work at 4.0, and it is about a 45 minute drive from there. Each time he has been there at 5.0 ish. Several months ago he would get there earlier about lunch time. As he is not working (took early retirement) he can go there at any time of the day and would obviously avoid me if he had gone earlier. He lives a 10 minute walk from the library. Anyway I saw him, but he didn't see me on either occasion and I left without speaking to him or him seeing me, as I used the computer upstair. I might be putting 2 and 2 together and getting 101, but his timings of visiting the library have definitely changed now that I am back at work. Six months ago, I would never have been able to resist talking to him. I think/hope it means I am getting over him. Not sure what he is up to; maybe nothing and I don't want to find out. He is so warped he might just want the opportunity to snub me this time. I've stopped trying to figure out what is going on in his mind, and am concentrating on me now.
shellys-trying Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 That's a good attitude to have, Guest. You know there's plenty of SGs out there. Even at the library. This xMM seems very creepy. It would be so annoying, IMO, to find some guy I slept with, and especially M, hanging out at the local library obviously waiting for me. You offered too much info on your comings and goings. I'd find a new time for the library. He needs to buy a home computer and spend his time at home, with his W and family. This guy might be a serial cheater. Who's to say he doesn't have a new OW and just wants to drag you along? It's good tho' that you're moving on. Have you tried going to a different library in a different town?
Lizzie60 Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 but you're on your way there... You seem to pop into the library to check if he's there.. (same day, same time)... you shouldn't do that, you are playing with fire. I encourage you to be independant and strong! You go girl!
shellys-trying Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Yeah, I have to agree. That's why I said she needed to find another library to go to. She needs to stop going there to see if he's there. That's just encouraging him to keep coming. Even if he doesn't see her, she does see him. That's not advisable. If you really want him to get the point that you're not interested anymore, you should refrain from going to that library.
Guest Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Yeah, I have to agree. That's why I said she needed to find another library to go to. She needs to stop going there to see if he's there. That's just encouraging him to keep coming. Even if he doesn't see her, she does see him. That's not advisable. If you really want him to get the point that you're not interested anymore, you should refrain from going to that library. Yes you are so right. What is wrong with me?! I went there again and I know it has to stop. There are other libraries. He was there and although I walked out without him seeing me, I noticed that he looked smart (fromwhat I coud see from the back). I went and sat in my car for 20 minutes. Then I got out of the car and went back down the road towards the library and suddenly my head ruled my heart (thank goodness). I THOUGHT: If I walked in he would know that I was hoping to bump into him--ego boost. He might take the opportunity to humiliate me/demean me just by ignoring me. Then he would have the upper hand and I would feel terrible. Maybe that is all he is waiting to do. Has he bothered to pick the phone up to call---NO not at all. That thought is what really made me turn back and drive home. He doesn't want a future with me; he may want the POA again and that is why he is taking the easy way out. He has nothing to offer me hence he doesn't call. Previously I have always returned to him on his terms but not this time. I am sure of that. Maybe he is getting bored at home and wants to play mind games. I am getting there but I am not quite there yet. Today was a set back because I was tempted by him. Like you say, he doesn't know I am there but I have seen him and it had an effect. I am so angry with myself but not as angry as if I had gone back to the library and made contact. Now that I am typing this I feel better and know I did the right thing. I don't know what got into me.
Visu Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 great job at walking away and not falling into the traps again. good for you. you should be very VERY proud.
shellys-trying Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 I think if you are opening your mind and disecting every little thing about this guy, and you're seeing it's not a nice guy you're finding out about, you're doing the right thing, Guest. Personally, I'm proud of you. Alot of OWs on these sights don't get to disecting the way the MM acts, why, where,how, etc. It really shows you value yourself more than you value trying to impress this jerk. From your own words, it sounds to me like he's just a POA kinda guy. He's got a wife at home, so let him get it from her or find some sucker who'll put up with his ways. Yo're showing yourself you're better than that.
Recommended Posts