Guest Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Just wondering when did you guys have the "talk"...you know, the whole discussion of where the relationship is going, what plans you have, what you both desire, if you see a light at the end of the tunnel...I suppose the time where you find out whether you set a committment or totally split. My separation from my boy is approaching faster and faster each day, and I am really dreading it. I want to talk about it ASAP even though I know I have some time left, but the last thing I want is to avoid talking about it and then hastily make a decision during our last week together. I am actually too scared to ask him how he feels about me...because I am sure I will get the usual simple guy response of "I love you", but all us girls know that we need to hear the DETAILS of what they love about us and how much they really do know us so we can calculate whether or not the relationship really has a fighting chance over long distance over a prolonged period of time (for me, we are talking years of separation over oceans and continents :S). So when did you guys have it? And if you decided to LDR, what did your partner say to make you feel confident enough to try one? And if you gave up, what made you decide to not try?
Sweetie2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 My relationship, I guess, is slightly different than yours. I get the impression you are physically together, and will soon be seperated, for whatever reason? Well I met my BF online, and we've had "the talk" many times in the past 2 years. I think the first time was about 2 months into the relationship, maybe even less than that. I asked him if he could see us being "togeher", or the relationship going further than just talking on MSN. He said yes, and I'm pretty sure it was then that we decided to be exclusive with each other, online, until he could come here that August (this was at the end of January). After he went home, in the beginning of September, that would have been about 9 months into the relationship, we had "the talk" again. I wanted to know if the distance thing, only visiting a few times a year, exc, would work, if he could deal with it, what the future is. Well his responce was positive, that I was worth waiting for, he loved me more than anything or any one, he'd do anything for me, and if he had to wait a year, he'd do it, but he wanted to see me as much as possible. He was actually really really sweet in the beginning of our relationship (that changed slightly as he got to know me, but not in a negitive way)... So...I hope this has helped...I guess you'll just have to analize your situation. Will you be able to chat with him online, use webcams and/or mic's, or call him? Can you visit in the time your apart from each other, or is it a situation where visiting isn't possible? Oh, and btw, my BF is in Germany, and I live in the US..so there's an ocean between us too. LDR can work, if both people make it work...communication!!!!! and keep yourself busy while your not talking to him...stay happy... good luck!!
Guest Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Hi Sweetie2007, My bf and I met abroad on university gap years. We were physically together in the same country, same city, same school for half a year, and now we are already in a semi-LDR (same country, but different cities now) which will go on for 6 months as well. We see each other every fortnight if possible, but the expenses are now piling up as we are both foreign students. But come the end of these 6 months, we will be separated over different continents. Our seemingly small, but yet relatively problematic age gap means that we will be separated for around 5 years before we can properly be together in one place for longer than a vacational period. This is because I am just at the beginning of my degree while he is near the end of his. I think the different phases we are going to be put in in our immediate future is what is causing all my doubts and faithlessness in it lasting, even though I desperately want to continue this relationship. I know that it will not be possible to see each other more than twice a year purely because we are poor students and because our geographical locations are half a world apart. I want this, but I'm scared to pitch this to him. Just because I know that so many boys run at the thought of years together with just one woman and it seems like such a huge committment. But I don't understand how an LDR can last when there is no set goal to be together in the end, even if it means planning for years ahead. That's long distance dating to me, which is different to an LDR, and which is something I personally don't believe works. I need to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it seems like an impossible situation.
Guest Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I also forgot to mention that yes, we have access to web and cams and skype and such...we already do this, but right now it is easy because we live in places with exactly the same time zone... Soon enough though, we are going to have something like an 8-10 hour time difference between us, along with juggling work and school...even now, when things with the net go crappy that is out of our control, I go nuts. I feel so pessimistic that it hurts.
Guest Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Hi, I am not sure how qualified I am to answer this but it sounds like your situation was not so different from mine. In answer to your question "the talk" was not required as such as we knew what we meant to each other. I assume that as you guys are currently in the same location you have known each other a while and I would have thought that if you see the relationship going somewhere then you would both plan to invest in at least trying. I would wonder what it is about the relationship that makes you so insecure about your future lives together. I am actually too scared to ask him how he feels about me...because I am sure I will get the usual simple guy response of "I love you", but all us girls know that we need to hear the DETAILS of what they love about us and how much they really do know us so we can calculate whether or not the relationship really has a fighting chance over long distance over a prolonged period of time (for me, we are talking years of separation over oceans and continents :S). I would say that here lies your problem - if you can't communicate about important things like this when you can see each other's body language then in order for an LDR to work you are going to have to learn fast. I think you should talk to him about your feelings and listen and talk about what your expectations are over the next months/years. And you should do it asap. I wish you luck and happiness. PS. To give you an idea I am living in Austria and my BF is in the UK, we were together more than 4 years before the separation due to work and we will be apart for about 2 years.
catrocks Posted April 15, 2007 Posted April 15, 2007 We had "the talk" before he even left and decided that we wanted to be together whatever happened. He moved away in Feb 2005 and after about a year we started talking about marriage because we wanted to figure out a plane for once I graduated (which is this summer). So he proposed last summer while I was there. We knew we'd need to go through the visa process and figured it would be long so we set the date for September. So, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Once you have graduated you or he can move, it's the perfect time since you'd be starting over where you live anyway with jobs and stuff. It's HORRIBLE (I just left him yesterday ) but the talk helps things, it's nice to have a plan.
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