Guest Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. I am 28 and he is 26. He knows that I want to get married. He always says that we will one day, but he's not ready yet. I have asked what he needs to be ready...like steady career, nice house, etc. He never has an answer. The fact is, he already has a great career, and a nice house, two vehicles and a nice nest egg. We have looked at rings and he has asked me which one I want, but that was over a year ago. I guess my question is does it sound like he is just stringing me along or will he ask anytime soon. I truly love him but I am not getting any younger and I want to be married, I think it's biological clock issues. Please advise. Thanks
Zona76 Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 I'm new here but belong to another romance forum. Can you tell us if he's had any bad experiences in his past? If there were relations that went through a bad divorce. Or a close dear friend? You've given him time and you've discussed the situation. I advise you to give him a timeline. NOTE! If you are comfortable in your situation as it is there is no reason to leave it lay. Yet I feel you want to move on. Some Day needs to have more of a deffinition. You want to begin your life together, to PLAN your future. You're looking down the road and what comes next. Sounds as if he doesn't see any road.
norajane Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 If he never has an answer as to what he needs to be ready, then he's not planning on marriage. Guys who want to be married have a plan - it's not this "someday" crap he's pulling on you. Stay with him only for as long as you're willing to wait around on a vague "someday".
pelagicsands Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 He's not ready to settle down yet, so it sounds like he is saying whatever it takes to hold you at bay. This is one of those "synchronisation" issues. Does he love you, and want to be with you for the rest of his life? I think you know that answer to that, as of right now. Sure, he could change his mind tomorrow, or in a year... anything is possible. He feels as if you're not going anywhere, and there's no need to commit to something he is not sure of. I hope you get whatever it is that you want.
luvstarved Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Welllllll it depends somewhat on the situation. I was in EXACTLY your same boat, same ages, duration of relationship, financial situation, etc. and so of course I had the same question. I finally did break up with the guy before my 30th birthday because I was tired of him swearing that I was the love of his life but still not taking the marital plunge. Two kids with someone else later, I was divorced and looked him up. He tells me that the REASON he was reluctant to get married was because he was afraid that I would someday leave HIM! Some of you might think, yeah, right, but it did ring true because by the time I was with him I had already been engaged twice and married once...he was afraid he would just be "husband number two" or "fiance number four" And, sigh, he woulda been right. Any chance he could, ironically, be questioning YOUR commitment? I don't know your situation but just wondering whether there could be fear of abandonment as well as or instead of fear of commitment going on...
pelagicsands Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Any chance he could, ironically, be questioning YOUR commitment? I don't know your situation but just wondering whether there could be fear of abandonment as well as or instead of fear of commitment going on... Excellent point.
Jane22067 Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. I am 28 and he is 26. He knows that I want to get married. He always says that we will one day, but he's not ready yet. I have asked what he needs to be ready...like steady career, nice house, etc. He never has an answer. The fact is, he already has a great career, and a nice house, two vehicles and a nice nest egg. We have looked at rings and he has asked me which one I want, but that was over a year ago. I guess my question is does it sound like he is just stringing me along or will he ask anytime soon. I truly love him but I am not getting any younger and I want to be married, I think it's biological clock issues. Please advise. Thanks It is time for him to marry you--either he marries you now or move on
Guest Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Can you tell us if he's had any bad experiences in his past? If there were relations that went through a bad divorce. Or a close dear friend? . I am actually divorced and I've been told by EVERYONE that this is his first "real" relationship. I understand that he may be a little new to it, but 2 and a half years...I would think he would be used to it by now.
selanny Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Girl...I don't know what to tell you. I'm in the same boat...only I'm turning 30 and he's 32 and we've been together 4 years! At the end of the day you have to decide...is finding the right person more important or is getting married? Still...it's tough. Remember...talk is cheap. He can say whatever he wants you to hear but it's his actions that will ring true. I'm still torn as to what to do myself. But you're only 28...that's still young...young enough to go out there and find someone else. Good luck and I hope whatever decision you come to will make you happy.
4whatItsWorth Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Have you ever read "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrnent? In one of the chapters the title is: He is just not that into you if he doesn't wanna marry you. A guy who wants to marry you will make sure you do not start looking elsewhere. When he says "I am gonna get married...not just yet." he is saying "I am gonna get married...not just to you." Oh wait...that is for the guys who says "I'll never get married." But the same applies here! After 2 years he should know where he wants you - apparantly, just where he has you...how do you know he is just not waiting for something "better" to come around? Don't string along forever! Sit down, talk, and tell him you need him to commit or you feel like you're wondering where the relationship is going. Give him some time to figure it out (1-6 months) and then walk away into the arms of someone who WANTS to marry you.
stillafool Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 I guess I'm a fine one to talk as I have been married now for 9 years. But, why are women in such a hurry to marry? Do you know that statistics show married women die younger than single women. Married men live longer than single men. So actually marriage is much better for men than for women. I don't even have children and I feel more tired now than when I was single. I love my husband dearly but those single, care free days were wonderful. It's funny how our hormones drive us to want to marry and reproduce yet when we do we it can drive us to an early grave. All I'm saying is be careful of what you wish for.
thelittlespoon Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 In all reality, 2 1/2 years is NOT that long of a time. Maybe he really just isn't ready yet? He says that he wants to get married someday, so the thought IS in his head. And you guys already went to look at rings? Well, geez, that's more than my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and I have done! (See, 2 1/2 years really isn't taht long of a time...). I'll tell you some valuable information on guys and proposals - they like to think that it was THEIR idea. They like to think that they reached the marriage conclusion on their own. They HATE being pressured into something as serious as spending the rest of your lives together. Believe me, I feel your pain. Even though I am content to wait a little longer before taking the plunge, sometimes I think about things like my biological clock, even though I don't want kids for a while. I think that it is typical for many women in their mid-twenties to experience this. It's like a quarter-life crisis or something, but rest assured that you are NOT alone. Look at the bright side: for all you know he may be planning a surprise proposal in the next few months for you, as we speak! Now, if you feel that he isn't giving you want you want out of life and are so dissatisfied that you are not willing to wait much longer for the marriage/children thing, then you need to, first, figure out what it is that you really want and be sure of it, then second, have a serious talk with him about it. If he makes it a clear point that he doesn't share similar wants for the future as you, then maybe you need to reevaluate where your relationship is heading, and if it's not in the direction that you want, then get out of it. However, if this is just some lady-in-waiting anxiety, and you are sure that he is "the one" and it's all worth waiting for, then please just calm down a little bit, and focus your aggravation somewhere else. Take a class or pick up a new hobby. Take a trip with some girlfriends. Get a new pet. Do something, ANYTHING, to take your mind off of the stress of waiting for a ring. Good luck and best wishes to you!
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