allina Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 My life hasn't been too great recently. My job ended a week ago so I am unemployed, for a week I've been sitting at home feeling like I suck at life. I feel like my bf is the only good thing in my life right now and I'm terrified of messing that up too. I know that I have been weird and sensitive recently but feeling down has made me so afraid of losing his love. He hasn't done a thing wrong, he's been wonderful but it seems like no matter what I feel needy and insecure. It's stupid things I never used to do, like he'll get home from work where he's super busy all day and he'll check his e-mail, i feel like "what's wrong? why isnt he excited to spend time with me?" I know this is all me and now I'm scared that I've been annoying him and pushing him away. It's kinda a vicious cycle. I think I'm overthinking it all. I wrote him an email this morning, just saying i was sorry about the past couple of days and that i loved him and that he wasnt doing anything wrong. He probably wont get a chance to read it till he gets home. He usually calls me during his lunch, I don't know if he will today. I'm going out later today so that I'm not home when he gets home tonight. I want him to be able to relax and have some alone time. I love this man with all my heart and I don't want to be ruining a great relationship, I just feel sad recently.
hotgurl Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 aaaww Allina I am sorry. It is most likely because your out of work. When my BF was laid off he got all weird and needy because he was home alone all day and didn't know what to do with himself. Most everybody works 9-5 so there was no one to talk to and he didn't feel productive. What helped him while he was unemployed was getting into a routine of in the am getting the papers or going online to look for work Than he would get out of the house go for a hike or to the library etc.. So he wouldn't go crazy. I hope you find work soon:love:
tanbark813 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I was out of work for about 4 months around the dot-com crash. Unemployment can definitely kick the s**t out of your sense of self-worth. It's important to try as much as you can to not let it get to you, especially if you're doing the interview thing and have to face multiple rejections. The good news, though, is that you've only been out of work for a week so it probably isn't at it's worst yet. Definitely keep yourself busy with other stuff. Catch up on projects around the house you've been meaning to do, read more, whatever.. As for the bf thing, another one of life's shi**y ironies is that the more you fear losing him or driving him away, the more likely you are to engage in the behaviors that might do just that. Fear of loss is an evil, bitch queen. But from the sounds of things regarding your relationship, you probably think you annoy him more than you actually do. At any rate, nothing in life is ever static. I was at a low point in my life a few years ago but things have slowly and steadily increased and bettered since then. Keep your chin up, buck up little trooper, keep on truckin', max the envelope, keep your nose to the grindstone, carpe diem, and so on and so forth... Wooooooooooooo! :bunny:
coco_milkshake Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Hi Allina, I feel for you I really do. I have been in the same boat for a year. I was forced to quit work by my family and kept at home 24/7 and I didnt know what to do with myself as I was constantly watched by them. I found myself pacing up and down the stairs, I was restless. My mum told my sister that I "dont have a sound mind". They didnt help lol. I am sane cos I have university but crapping myself once that is over, hence the rush to get out of home. Give yourself a routine. Go to the gym, read, go for walks and use this time to concentrate on the things you wouldnt have had a chance to do if you had a job. Do those things and look online for jobs too. Keeping yourself busy is the key!!
Author allina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 aaaww Allina I am sorry. It is most likely because your out of work. When my BF was laid off he got all weird and needy because he was home alone all day and didn't know what to do with himself. Most everybody works 9-5 so there was no one to talk to and he didn't feel productive. What helped him while he was unemployed was getting into a routine of in the am getting the papers or going online to look for work Than he would get out of the house go for a hike or to the library etc.. So he wouldn't go crazy. I hope you find work soon:love: Thanks you That's a lot like how I feel, like I don't know what to do with myself. I go to the gym and stuff but I feel so bored and worthless. I just look forward to him coming home. I think I sometimes don't realize that although I've been sitting at home all day he's been busy at work and needs to unwind and relax when he gets home. I love him and I hope I haven't pushed him too far away this week.
coco_milkshake Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 What I meant to say is that I know the feeling of unemployment lol. Our situations are very different hehe.
Author allina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 What I meant to say is that I know the feeling of unemployment lol. Our situations are very different hehe. I know what you meant And yes! I feel so restless
tanbark813 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I know what you meant And yes! I feel so restless Karaoke cures all of life's problems.
Author allina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 As for the bf thing, another one of life's shi**y ironies is that the more you fear losing him or driving him away, the more likely you are to engage in the behaviors that might do just that. Fear of loss is an evil, bitch queen. YES! This is what I'm going nuts over. How do I keep myself from doing this? Seriously, it's something I really don't want to do. Thanks Oh, and I have a couple interviews coming up so hopefully this won't last too long.
JackJack Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I'm sorry you're down allina. Maybe the Easter bunny will bring you a big chocolate bunny and you can bite his head off. Sorry, just trying to make you laugh.
tanbark813 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 YES! This is what I'm going nuts over. How do I keep myself from doing this? Seriously, it's something I really don't want to do. Thanks It's usually a self-esteem thing. You either have to believe that you're worth more than what it would take to keep him around, or believe that even if you lose him, another guy will be just around the corner. Or both.
Trialbyfire Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Sorry for your troubles allina. If posting on LS helps, keep it up. Take care.
Author allina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 I'm sorry you're down allina. Maybe the Easter bunny will bring you a big chocolate bunny and you can bite his head off. Sorry, just trying to make you laugh. That reminds me, I need to get some sort of Easter treat for when we go to my parents this weekend, thanks for the reminder
coco_milkshake Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Just keep yourself busy around the house. I know you are restless but dont sit down for a moment or time will pass very slowly for you. Think of it as 'working' from home.
Storyrider Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 As for the bf thing, another one of life's shi**y ironies is that the more you fear losing him or driving him away, the more likely you are to engage in the behaviors that might do just that. Fear of loss is an evil, bitch queen. I couldn't have said this better. If only I could take my own advice, but try to redirect those of your feelings you know aren't rational. For example, write them in a journal instead of expressing them to him. In all likelihood you are just playing headgames with yourself, Allina, and your boyfriend is just an innocent bystander waiting for the storm to pass.
Author allina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 I couldn't have said this better. If only I could take my own advice, but try to redirect those of your feelings you know aren't rational. For example, write them in a journal instead of expressing them to him. In all likelihood you are just playing headgames with yourself, Allina, and your boyfriend is just an innocent bystander waiting for the storm to pass. I'm trying to do that, LS really helps. I honestly have so much fear in me right now, I question if he is dreading coming home to me. And it's not like things have even been bad, I don't know I hope he's happy to see me tonight, I hope his love isn't fading.
Storyrider Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Allina, I don't know if this will help, but I was feeling really, really insane the last two days, had some very irrational thoughts and feelings (acted on a couple of them ) and just today I started my period. :o (I hope the guys don't jump all over this.) It absolutely is no excuse for anything silly that I did. It just makes me go "aha" after the fact and make a note to myself for next time: ignore irrational insanity. Do not act upon it. This may have nothing to do with what is happening with you, so if it doesn't, just ignore me.
Author allina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 Allina, I don't know if this will help, but I was feeling really, really insane the last two days, had some very irrational thoughts and feelings (acted on a couple of them ) and just today I started my period. :o (I hope the guys don't jump all over this.) It absolutely is no excuse for anything silly that I did. It just makes me go "aha" after the fact and make a note to myself for next time: ignore irrational insanity. Do not act upon it. This may have nothing to do with what is happening with you, so if it doesn't, just ignore me. Actually mine should be starting soon, it's messed up right now actually because I ran out of BC and skipped a week, so now my period is out of whack, sorry tmi. I think I may be partially hormonal
Storyrider Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Actually mine should be starting soon, it's messed up right now actually because I ran out of BC and skipped a week, so now my period is out of whack, sorry tmi. I think I may be partially hormonal I sooooo totally know how you feel. Hang in there.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Hi allina, I'm sorry that your job ended. I remember how excited we all were when you got that job! I don't live with my BF, but we did play house for several weeks last summer. I don't work, so I would also look forward to his coming home. I'd have all the household chores done, including the evening meal, and wait with anticipation, looking out the window several times when it was near time for him to arrive. Sometimes he would greet me, and then go jump on the lawn mower and I would feel disappointed, but I never said anything. What? Why didn't he want to sit down to this fabulous meal I prepared? That was his routine, and I knew the grass needed to be cut, but I felt so down that he wasn't always as excited to see me. I learned to cook later in the day so I would have something to occupy myself with while he puttered around his yard or in his shed. It made me feel less disappointed if he had things to tend to. I doubt that your BF feels you are too annoying or smothering. He might not even have noticed much difference. Hope you find employment soon so that you can feel more like you are contributing. I know you will find something soon. It's been an adjustment, but I love not working for the most part. Juggling one less ball has made me almost stress free. Good luck in your job search!
Author allina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 I don't work, so I would also look forward to his coming home. I'd have all the household chores done, including the evening meal, and wait with anticipation, looking out the window several times when it was near time for him to arrive. Sometimes he would greet me, and then go jump on the lawn mower and I would feel disappointed, but I never said anything. What? Why didn't he want to sit down to this fabulous meal I prepared? That was his routine, and I knew the grass needed to be cut, but I felt so down that he wasn't always as excited to see me. Exactly! I try to do nice things around here and make dinner and I feel hurt when he comes home tired and jumps in to doing something, though its always stuff that needs to get done, like paying the bills. It's like he doesnt feel like spending time w/ me but he says baby I do but this has to get done. I understand it, I just wish it didnt make me feel bad.
Pyro Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 My life hasn't been too great recently. My job ended a week ago so I am unemployed, for a week I've been sitting at home feeling like I suck at life. I feel like my bf is the only good thing in my life right now and I'm terrified of messing that up too. I know that I have been weird and sensitive recently but feeling down has made me so afraid of losing his love. He hasn't done a thing wrong, he's been wonderful but it seems like no matter what I feel needy and insecure. It's stupid things I never used to do, like he'll get home from work where he's super busy all day and he'll check his e-mail, i feel like "what's wrong? why isnt he excited to spend time with me?" I know this is all me and now I'm scared that I've been annoying him and pushing him away. It's kinda a vicious cycle. I think I'm overthinking it all. I wrote him an email this morning, just saying i was sorry about the past couple of days and that i loved him and that he wasnt doing anything wrong. He probably wont get a chance to read it till he gets home. He usually calls me during his lunch, I don't know if he will today. I'm going out later today so that I'm not home when he gets home tonight. I want him to be able to relax and have some alone time. I love this man with all my heart and I don't want to be ruining a great relationship, I just feel sad recently. Poor Allina. I went for a bit without a job, so I can relate to some of what you are going through. Everything that I wanted to say in regards to this subject has already been mentioned, so I will just pass good vibes and good luck your way.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I doubt you have messed up in any big way. I'm sure your BF understands that you are at a cross roads right now and that makes many of us act a bit differently and sometimes become more needy. One day he will be the needy one and you can reflect on how you are feeling now. Clinging too tightly can push someone away, but I doubt it's gotten that bad in just over a week. Post here when you feel you need to validate your feelings, that's what we're here for, to keep our moments of craziness away from those we love!
Author allina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 Poor Allina. I went for a bit without a job, so I can relate to some of what you are going through. Everything that I wanted to say in regards to this subject has already been mentioned, so I will just pass good vibes and good luck your way. Thank You Rid
Author allina Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 that's what we're here for, to keep our moments of craziness away from those we love! :laugh: :laugh: That's why I've been here so much recently. Lets hope all is good tonight when I see him.
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