Art_Critic Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Even after you folded it in half? see.. that was the thing.. we were talking about how much discomfort it was for her and she said that she had larger inside of her before without any discomfort therefore she felt it was something wrong with me.. like hair or something that was causing her pain.. ( she was fairly detailed.. I even figured out who it was ) She was evil.. very evil.. It left me feeling like I never wanted to speak to her again.
Topper Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I agree, I had a GF once that would compare the size of my manhood to other lovers she had.. we didn't last long before she got exiled I would not think that God would have a problem with that. And it came to Pass that the Lords staff was that of the Ox in the field. Harder then the oaks of the forest. His stones like the ripe melons on the vine hung between his thighs. The maids look upon the Lord and said it is good. The men they to looked upon the Lord and his glory. They said unto themselves. Why the hell did we have to get circumcised?
polywog Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 see.. that was the thing.. we were talking about how much discomfort it was for her and she said that she had larger inside of her before without any discomfort therefore she felt it was something wrong with me.. like hair or something that was causing her pain.. ( she was fairly detailed.. I even figured out who it was ) She was evil.. very evil.. It left me feeling like I never wanted to speak to her again. HAIR??? I don't get it. You mean like you had folded you body in helf and were putting your long curly Bozo head hair into her? She definitely didn't appreciate the clown!
Author Sheba Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 Well - it is now clearly established how differently my husband and I feel on this topic! Yesterday I made a joke about having sex with cowboys. Hours later he asked me if I had had sex with a cowboy and if I would tell him about it - he made it clear that he would be titillated if I did. Much later in bed, he asked me again. I asked if he wanted a "real story" or for me to make up a "story". He just said "yes" - so, either. His response to the story was very enthusiastic. Wink, nudge. Whether or not I was telling about a real event or making up a tale was left a mystery (though in fact it was the truth). Being me - and keeping in mind what others here have said - I included in my story that he, my husband, was the best ever. How interesting that he was so excited by exactly what would make my blood run cold! Anyway, being the sort who will take advantage of a situation that presents itself, afterwards I told him that "next time I would tell the other, better cowboy story". Go figure.
StayClose Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 It really depends on the individual. My wife tells me that when she was a senior in high school, she was one of the girls all the guys wanted to be with, but only a lucky few were. She also used this power in manauver in the social mess which is high school, for example, there was a guy she hated because he was egotistical and full of himself. She sent him some sexy letters, and when he repsonded by asking her out, she flatly rejected him. Some men would be upset hearing this, but for me the thought that I won the woman all the guys wanted in high school is a turn on. I'm not sure why in this day & age the idea of marrying virgins appeals to people, unless you're both 17. When I met my wife, she was 27 and I was 32. When I was around 30, my impression of a female virgin around my age was that either nobody wanted to have sex with her, or that she wasn't interested in sex at all, neither of which appealed to me.
Author Sheba Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 I agree with you Stayclose. It would be ridiculous to expect "a virgin" and I certainly never dreamed of or hoped to meet such a person. It is just that my husband had an extremely colourful past - which he has himself described as "promiscuous". Further, I know from what he has said that he still feels pride in all his conquests, and measures his worth (to some extent) by the marker of the number and "quality" of those conquests. He is the sort of person who is always comparing one thing to another - his car to another man's car, our house to another person's house, and so forth. He is an insecure person and I know that being with a really great looking woman is a source of huge satisfaction to him (how often have I heard that his first 2 wives were "beautiful" and about how the second one was athletic and so on....). All of these elements combined leave me feeling as if I am likely to be measured against and compared to a large, unknown number of other women, many of whom are/were undoubtedly much better looking than I am. I am not beautiful, nor athletic - in fact I am 42 and have had two kids and am a bit overweight etc.... So - I DON'T want to know any more. Nothing. Not one more word. Those things seem to me to be in the past if they are not savoured still in recollection. And I can easily live with "knowing he had a past", but am totally uncomfortable with hearing things that make them seem real and present in our lives.
StayClose Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I think what makes this less of an issue for my wife & I is that our sexual histories are pretty similar in terms of how many partners & how wild we were. Applying equal standards to both genders, you couldn't say that one of us was "sluttier" than the other.
loggrad98 Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 I think that it is fine if it is discovered or talked about as part of the "getting to know you" stage to talk about your past. But I agree that having it forced on you is, at best, no fun, and, at worst, can be nearly debilitating. I was one of those very very very few who got married as a virgin. My wife had a more colorful past than I, but nothing really by anyone elses terms...she had slept with one person other than me and had been with about 4 or 5 other men in various ways before we met. I have no problem with that in general. I am typically a very secure man. As has been said before, everyone is entitled to their past. My problems started with the way I found out about hers. As we were growing closer, she began to feel vulnerable and somewhat threatened. Her life growing up was bad (very bad) and she tried to find that love that she missed at home by being with other people. What she found instead was mostly a bunch of jerks who treated her badly. So when we started to get close, she took a "hurt him before he can hurt me" approach. She opened up and told me things I neither asked about nor wanted to hear. As we went around together meeting each others friends and families she told me when and who she made out with here or there or what other stuff they may have done. She told me details about losing her virginity. All this I could have gone a lifetime without knowing, but she felt compelled to tell me. She felt, and told me later, that she could only marry someone who could read all her journals (she kept very detailed journals) and still love her. The tough thing was, I was already deeply in love with her...I could not, and did not walk away and it was the best decision I have ever made. We are now married 15 years with 4 wonderful children. She is fantastic, better than I could have ever hoped for in every way and our relationship is nearly storybook great. I consider myself to be a very very lucky man. However, I continue to deal with the fallout from those early days. It makes it so I cannot think of our courtship with any degree of fondness, and I hate thinking about the time before we met each other. Like it has been said...by disclosing those details it makes it the here and now for the person who is hearing it for the first time. It may be ancient history to the person doing the telling, but to me it made it very present and real in my mind. I have actually been going to counseling for retroactive jealousy for the past few months and things are getting better. But my counselor said I will likely deal with part of this for my entire life. I guess I agree that if it is mutual that both want to discuss this sort of thing, then go ahead, but do not force it on someone. It can only result in heartache, especially if they have already fallen for you. Or it will result in the end of the relationship. I guess I am saying just be careful. It does not matter if the mantra is "the past is the past", it can still be hurtful right now. And it does not necessarily mean someone is immature or insecure...it can simply mean that you were not ready to hear something like that...your feelings are real, do not discount them or it can make things much worse. Above all, do not try to sweep it under the rug, or it can blow up on you. Talk to him about how it makes you feel and work it out between the 2 of you. If he truly cares about you he will change his behavior. Good luck.
Curmudgeon Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 Guess I'm just old-fashioned. I'm a firm believer in "Don't ask. Don't tell. Disclose just enough to rule out STDs but the details should not be a part of that. The past is what brings us together with the one's we're with and having done that, should be gracefully and gratefully retired. Did I mention that I AM old?
Gunny376 Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 I made the decision long ago ~ I don’t discuss past relationships, (not even my marriage) with current or potential partners. Nothing, zilch, nadda! "Hey! I thought I was a virgin until I meet you!" This thread is the reason why. Its none of their business, and theirs isn’t any of mine.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 I have given very little disclosure. I think I have mentioned my age when I lost my virginity, that my 2nd husband needed to be drunk to have sex with me, and when asked about anal sex I said that I had tried it once, but not fully completed the act. Other than that, all he Knows is that he is the best lover I have ever had and has the biggest dick I have ever had the pleasure of "pleasuring." (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.) I am honest to a fault at times, but I don't see any good coming from talking about my past too much, at least not with this man. I have no interest in his past, either. Those who came before me were fools to leave but I'm glad they did because now I've got the goods.
Author Sheba Posted April 6, 2007 Author Posted April 6, 2007 loggrad98 - thank you for your story. I am sorry for your pain and hope that you find some comfort. It is good to know that others feel as uncomfortable as I do, as I have been accused of being "crazy" for feeling upset about these disclosures. He asks how he can "change the past" - of course I don't expect any such thing, just that he keep his recollections to himself. It is good to know that I am not alone in my reaction. I think he and are just different, demonstrated nicely by the people who have responded to this post. All that I need from him is silence about this part of his past.
mental_traveller Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 Simple rule - don't ask if you don't want to know, or can't handle the answer. I'm comfortable with my past sexual history, if some girl doesn't like it then tough, she can take a hike. Equally, I don't really care what a woman did in the past, whether she's slept with 50 guys or is still a virgin. I agree with woggle that people need to get rid of their hangups about the past.
Author Sheba Posted April 6, 2007 Author Posted April 6, 2007 Well, in my case, what was needed was a variation of the Curmudgeon's rule: I didn't ask, so don't tell!
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