lamby Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 My ex girlfriend broke up with me at the end of Jan , straight away she was dating another guy and she moved him in more or less straight away , I called her a week later to see how she was as we had a bit of a nasty break up , so we could be friendly towards each other if we saw each other out , she told me her new guy was a nice guy and that he had paid for her to go on holiday which I excepted and did not get wound up by the situation , anyway I went no contact , she contacted me six weeks later by email , saying I hope your keeping well , I like your new car and pass on her regards to my parents , she said I hope your new girlfriend and you are happy now that the dust has settled and then she says if you dont want me to contact please tell me , I did not reply to her email , but lately two weeks after the email I have heard that she has been going past my now girlfriends house when she doesn't have to , someone tell me what is going on in her head to contact me after such a short period of the break up and driving past my new girlfriends ??? please answer these questions someone ????
Guest Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Even people who do the dumping seem not to like being ignored once they make contact. Please don't read too much into it. It only be curisoty or her ego is bruised. She needs to do alot more than than for you to knows she's interested.
krzr Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 ppl are weird...she dumps u then does stuff like this...put ur energy into ur new gfriend and forget about all this
WhiteKnight Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Sounds like to me Lamby that your ex misses you and is missing the good memories of you. Also might have a problem of letting you go. Whenever a guy or gal dump each other for any particular reason for the major breakup, there will always be a part of regret and sadness. The thing is though, some people would say that whoever dumped you would have to make up for the friendship in some way ie. "try to heal the friendship because you were an awesome person to them and didn't mean to hurt you so badly". Anyways, with your ex driving or walking past your girlfriends place is either making her think about how you moved on with a nice woman. Infact, my ex-gf did that with my current partner and I tell ya there was some tension there because we truly don't know why the 'ex' would do that. Back to your situation, the best advice I can give you is to take this nice and slow. Don't jump to any assumptions straight away, be mindful of your feelings for the moment as you don't really know what your ex could be thinking of. What was said that your ex was thinking by the way? Maybe we can help you. It also could be possible that despite of your ex missing you. She would always cherish the good memories of you and as you clearly did not respond to her emails, you probably gave her some negative signs that you didn't want to stay in contact and be friends anymore. She would feel regected and hurt. Maybe disappointed. (That can happen to anyone, in any situation... whether they ask for your mobile number or contact details to stay in touch. If you ignore or don't answer it, think how you would feel in that situation if it was you in their shoes. Then you would understand) Some people prefer talking than email as a last resort, but if you truly have moved on. Your ex-gf has the right to know that you either want to stay in contact or not, don't procastinate on the "what ifs" or "if this happened..." part of it. If you see your ex-gf as a good friend to have, then say that you value her friendship with you in an email like she tried to contact you. She might even give you a response of thanking you and I tell ya one thing, that is a good way of starting to reheal the friendship with her slowly. If she was truly interested in you, she would have to do more than just complimenting on what you do. Those are my thoughts.
Leoni Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Maybe she wants to see what your new girlfriend looks like. People can be nosy, ex or not.
Jinxx Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Sounds like to me Lamby that your ex misses you and is missing the good memories of you. Also might have a problem of letting you go. Whenever a guy or gal dump each other for any particular reason for the major breakup, there will always be a part of regret and sadness. This is very true. I dumped husband number 2 last August. There are many reasons why we should not be married any longer but lately I have been remembering the good times we shared. There were a lot of them and there are many times I wish we could meet half way and attempt to work things out but just not possible.
WhiteKnight Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 This is very true. I dumped husband number 2 last August. There are many reasons why we should not be married any longer but lately I have been remembering the good times we shared. There were a lot of them and there are many times I wish we could meet half way and attempt to work things out but just not possible. True. Sometimes, not all relationships including marriages are meant to work out in the long run ahead. We all are made to believe that even you clear those barriers throughout your relationship and then get married, your relationship would last forever. We made to think so but even so, despite getting married and passing all those barriers. There will always be new ones. Even though we sometimes regret and feel disappointed in ourselves that some things could have been dealt a lot better or worked out. But unfortunately its best to accept on our decisions, no matter how bad or harsh it was. We should always remember the good things about each other and why we 'loved' each other in the first place so much. My ex-fiancee (ex-gf) asked me one day if we ever get back together as either friends or beyond. I told her on these lines to comfort her... "There's no telling or prediction we can make on our future. But we know that in our loving hearts, we shared a love that will not be forgotten and is eternal because we always want to keep the good memories of ourselves and nothing about the past... I would like to think in a way that it was something we once cherished and now we have come to accept it. This is something may be meant for us in the end, we don't know but I would like to consider any possiblities and opportunies that whatever we do would encourage us to grow and walk on, brightening our future as it meant to be..." After all that, it has taught me a lesson or two, also my ex as well that perhaps anything could happen but the bottom line is that maybe we could be content on where we are now. Its something I always like to consider that a friendship is always possible but at the same note, keeping the good memories is the most important part of yourself.
Author lamby Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 So the question I am asking do I reply to her ,even if its 2 weeks later the email (will I get a reply back?) I do miss her , but my heart is telling me to email her and my head says no , I am happy with my new girlfriend dont get me wrong , but I feel if I do contact my ex I might open a can of worms and get kicked in the teeth , I am very confused about what to do , does she want me back or what , how is her head thinking that is the question and how I am reading into to things , i really dont know , what would you do , by the way she knows who my new girlfriend is and if I do email her back she might make it known I was in contact with her ?
Author lamby Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 True. Sometimes, not all relationships including marriages are meant to work out in the long run ahead. We all are made to believe that even you clear those barriers throughout your relationship and then get married, your relationship would last forever. We made to think so but even so, despite getting married and passing all those barriers. There will always be new ones. Even though we sometimes regret and feel disappointed in ourselves that some things could have been dealt a lot better or worked out. But unfortunately its best to accept on our decisions, no matter how bad or harsh it was. We should always remember the good things about each other and why we 'loved' each other in the first place so much. My ex-fiancee (ex-gf) asked me one day if we ever get back together as either friends or beyond. I told her on these lines to comfort her... "There's no telling or prediction we can make on our future. But we know that in our loving hearts, we shared a love that will not be forgotten and is eternal because we always want to keep the good memories of ourselves and nothing about the past... I would like to think in a way that it was something we once cherished and now we have come to accept it. This is something may be meant for us in the end, we don't know but I would like to consider any possiblities and opportunies that whatever we do would encourage us to grow and walk on, brightening our future as it meant to be..." After all that, it has taught me a lesson or two, also my ex as well that perhaps anything could happen but the bottom line is that maybe we could be content on where we are now. Its something I always like to consider that a friendship is always possible but at the same note, keeping the good memories is the most important part of yourself. I know what you are all saying but the question is do I email her or not , will I get a reply back after 2 weeks ? I do miss her , but thats not to say that I am not happy with my new girlfriend , I am confused what she is saying to me , does she want me back but she is seeing where the grass lies or is she just being friendly ? by the way she does know my new girlfriend , so if I did contact my ex maybe she would make it known to my girlfriend in some way that I am in contact with her ????
Guest Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I think your girlfriend still wants you on the back burner , but do not contact her , if she wants you back she will start making contact with you , any excuse she will do to make contact again , give it time she will be back on to you , and then its up to you to decide , what do other posters think ???
Author lamby Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 Well just a quick up date its been four weeks now since she last made contact with me by email , question is do I contact her now or stay no contact , or do you think she will contact me again or not ??? I still do miss her so do you think I should stay no contact , I did see her the other day ,we passed in our cars and we did wave at each other she did wave first ????
WhiteKnight Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Well just a quick up date its been four weeks now since she last made contact with me by email , question is do I contact her now or stay no contact , or do you think she will contact me again or not ??? I still do miss her so do you think I should stay no contact , I did see her the other day ,we passed in our cars and we did wave at each other she did wave first ???? Lamby, I have to say this very bluntly. How much do your value your ex? Is she your friend or is she something you want to go back to if your relationship doesn't work out? I have asked this myself a few times and I know whenever an ex dumps me it hurts and in response to any sort of friendship I would reject it very harshly on some levels ie. I have accepted the friendship but secretly know that the friendship could not work out and rather just move on with your life without them. Even if it means not letting them contact you or see you in person. Anyways what happened to me, I started to not care anymore. Whether I know about what my ex does or not, I start to not care and let them go and do their own thing. Whenever an ex starts to approach or gesturally smile at you or give you a neutal wave. Just let them do so and let it go. The past is the past, the damage in your relationship both emotionally and mentally you once had was done but I can see that you both have feelings for each other. That's fine but also very dangerous, you shouldn't make any moves on your ex at all to be honest. Whenever any of my ex's dump me, its up to them if they want a friendship or not. But to tell ya the truth, I act very tough (even if it hurts to protect my feelings or myself) and don't even care about them anymore. Its just shows weakness and on top of that, it brings you down emotionally when you let the doors open. I took the advice that it was for the best to act neutral and don't care or value what your ex is to you. She may be your friend or close friend that you will ever have in your life but the truth of the matter is mate, you must accept and move on apart. In terms of her contacting you, keep it to email for now. Contact her and see what her true intensions are and do it without your partner knowing for the moment until you clear a few things by letting her talk though slowly. That way you are able to be in control of the situation and see what is going on. If you don't like it, you both have the right to continue communicating or not. Sending greetings or jokes to one another helps heal the friendship but also staying away and not giving your new contact details would help you as well. The thing is though, if things between your ex and yourself work out on a friendship based level. Keep it that way and one day you will have to let your partner know the truth that you and your ex had sorted things out. However the thing is that what I would do is that - value that your ex wants to try and heal the friendship, even if it seems hard but let them prove themselves to you. Let them break all the Trust barriers and including doubt to prove their case and once that is sorted, consult with your partner about it to see whether or not they accept it. If they don't, obviously its something wrong. See what happens for now.
InvisibleTouch Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Dont contact her!! Where is your pride man? For whatever reason she did not want you in her life. She perceived you as not good enough for her. What dont you get about that? It is now up to her and only her to get back in touch with you. And that means standing in front of you. If she was genuine she would be. Focus on your current girlfriend and stop getting wrapped up with the other girls issues.
2ndIINone Posted April 13, 2007 Posted April 13, 2007 I did see her the other day ,we passed in our cars and we did wave at each other she did wave first ????Perfect.... then this is your response to her email.... the *wave*... it translates to.... "Hi... I have time to wave to you, but I haven't had time to write you back an email because I have better things to do with my life and I am no longer sweating you.... see ya around the block..." If you respond a month later, AFTER the wave... then she'll just think you're playing games and missing her. Don't give her the satisfaction.
Author lamby Posted April 13, 2007 Author Posted April 13, 2007 Perfect.... then this is your response to her email.... the *wave*... it translates to.... "Hi... I have time to wave to you, but I haven't had time to write you back an email because I have better things to do with my life and I am no longer sweating you.... see ya around the block..." If you respond a month later, AFTER the wave... then she'll just think you're playing games and missing her. Don't give her the satisfaction. I agree with what you are all saying , but cant help but think are we playing a game against each other , that what worries me now , I am good mates with her brother , but we agreed to never discuss my ex , as it was not fair her and me , I sent her mother a present for her birthday as she was very good to me , I never had a reply to say thankyou or now I wonder if i did the wrong thing ? One thing is I wonder if I want her back or not but the thing is she is with someone else so I dont know , my head is in a mess what do I do ?
InvisibleTouch Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 What do you do? Forget she exists! Then address why you cant handle rejection.
2ndIINone Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 games with each other???? My ex girlfriend broke up with me at the end of Jan , straight away she was dating another guy and she moved him in more or less straight awayYeaaaaaaa, this is that new fun game I've seen on T.V.... Comes in a boardgame for the household as well, right??? Sounds like a lot of fun!! Repeat YOUR first sentence over and over and over... and then 100x more... and ask yourself.... Does she really deserve ANY attention from you? In fact, you shouldn't even had called her a week after for the simple fact... SHE broke up with YOU. Your mind is messin' with you about the games... because she is 'tempting' you... for a major letdown. If she REALLY wants to speak to you, then NOTHING will stop her... AND she'd dump her current boyfriend that she dumped you for. Actions... way more important then words I never had a reply to say thankyou or now I wonder if i did the wrong thing ? Sticky situation.... to me it sounds like you were just trying to come off as the 'niceguy' with good intentions, but with alterior motives... (to look good in front of the mother so your ex would see it) Chances are... that's how the ex saw it.... (a little brown nosing) that you could've done without, as you didn't get a thank you anyway... No "thank you???" = lack of class on their part.
WhiteKnight Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 To be honest Lamby. You are better off without a kind of person like that. I mean, let me put it to you this way. What 2ndIINone is trying to point out that your ex partner is trying to put mind games on your head. For example, the way she is carrying on right now. She has the difficulty of accepting how she rejected, dumped and hurt you. She did not want you around anymore otherwords. She basically threw the keys and slammed the hammer on your heart to say "enough is enough, I don't think things are going to work out between us and we should break up to save the friendship." Now, she would have the difficulty of accepting why she did it and did she have the enough good reason to do so. My ex promised me she would go back to me when I had finished University but I couldn't wait for that long, I forced myself to move on without her because of one thing, she 'dumped' me. To be honest whenever an ex partner dumps someone for someone else or for other reasons, it hurts and will never be explained. To tell ya the truth, you feel like you have been stabbed on the heart and punished with regret or rejection. To be fair, you should do the same, strike back by proving to your ex that even they had dumped YOU... that you are better than they are. Whenever my ex-gf's had found out I had a new partner, some were supportive but others were not so supportive and they went all 'crazy' about my status. To be blunt, they'd change their messenger programs that I use to say they love me but when I changed my personal message to make things ulterly clear. They all go crazy about it and change their status many times before in the end they would sign out... Now to come back about the 'mind games'. Woman and Men can be quite disruptive, deceptive and would do anything to try and provoke a response to make their former ex partner to feel bad or rejected even more. Kinda like a taste of revenge so to speak. I forgot what a 'major letdown' means but I think from my point of view that whenever an ex had dumped you. Just walk off without her. She may want to be friends with you, and you may want to be friends with her. To be honest bro, you can be a 'distant' or 'onlne' friend but I would not encourage you to see her again and give her your new contact details (including mobile phones etc.) Why I say this, if you let the doors open by giving her what she wants... the consequences of your actions can make you feel very bad and worse off if she would be the kind of person to hurt you again. That's if you can not TRUST her. In the end, you will eventually lose everything and whatever you have done so hard to achieve... the Trust, the friendship and including the good memories you once had of your ex would hurt you the most. However, as I have a few friends who are my ex's. They are fine thus far, but I never have the intension of seeing them again unless they were my close friend at the beginning and didn't abuse the friendship at all before had i.e being used. Although it is natural to miss your ex except you have to think back where your friendship and loyalities lie. I don't consider that seeing your ex is a bad thing, unless if you were on your own. I wouldn't consider seeing your ex in person alone unless your partner was with you at the time. Even if you are single, don't go alone and have a good friend near you at all times. As for the present thing for your ex-gf's mother. I would say it was thoughtful of you but the thing is though mate, as you didn't get a good response or a simple 'thank you'. Don't be offended at first but judging from what you have said... I think you would be better off given them your best wishes via verbally and not give anything to them. It is a clear sign that giving things to your ex's relatives or friends would show that you still care which is good but makes you vulnerable at the same time because the 'feelings' that you once had for your ex will always still be there. Maybe your ex's brother is the only one to be considered as he is a good friend of yours but not the mother or your ex especially. However the best thing for now is to just move on away from your ex, forget about your ex's mind games and prove it to her that you are better than her, never show the opposite and stand up for yourself in what you truly believe in Lamby. I know your feelings for your ex are there, you haven't really moved on fully yet because you care about you ex's actions. That's okay because we all been through it, just understand that you should ignore her manipulative actions and let her make the move to talk to you, not you. Be warned though, always keep on your guard for any possibilty to happen.
Author lamby Posted April 16, 2007 Author Posted April 16, 2007 Just an update , I saw her the other day , I waved but she did not wave back , I dont know what I have done to upset her now , but I think the nail is in the coffin now even to be friends with her ,but I did feel good that I waved and she did not , because it shows I have no hard feelings about us
WhiteKnight Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 Just an update , I saw her the other day , I waved but she did not wave back , I dont know what I have done to upset her now , but I think the nail is in the coffin now even to be friends with her ,but I did feel good that I waved and she did not , because it shows I have no hard feelings about us She's probably accepting the fact that you have moved on and she should as well with her life but her not giving you a good gesture of waving back or even a slight nod or smile means that she is either is ignoring you. Doesn't feel obligate to talk to you anymore and perhaps she's quite moody. To be honest you can be her friends but maybe just 'casual' friends, as in, you see her in public and maybe speak to each other very randomly but that's means you don't contact her and let HER speak to you if she sees you in public. Besides, don't talk with her too long and quickly move onto whatever you are doing. That way the pain doesn't hurt as much on both sides. To be fair, sharing from my own experience, there were one or two ex's of mine that I can think of just wanted to be casual friends because we both knew that our friendship was destroyed through constant arguing and clashes. After become casual friends, we talked and saw each other very rarely in public but in terms of online... I always appreciated the email because it just shows they cared or were thinking about you. After about 7 months later, we drifted apart in the end and moved elsewhere in life. Sometimes you just have to accept it that a friendship may not work out right now but it may work out in the later future.
InvisibleTouch Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 If she saw you and didn't wave back what does that tell you about her mind? To me it suggests she is p*ssed off with you and is trying to manipulate you. She wanted a response. If she didn't care about you emotionally she would be polite, as you were. Man, she is playing games, forget her!
Author lamby Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 Yes that is what I thought invisible touch your right , so I must have got to her , I think I will be hearing things now , that she will be slagging me off , I cant wait , becasue she will be the one making a fool out of herself
WhiteKnight Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Just to add on that. "Mind games are terrible for one's mind in all honestly..." If she is continuingly doing mind games with you, just leave her alone and let her sort herself out on what she truly wants etc. You can't force her to change but the best thing you can do is continue to ignore those kind of signs and just move on with life. Some of my ex's had done that to me and I just left them alone in the end, I may have cared about them and their feelings etc. but whenever I have moved on, they would just have to accept it (even if its difficult for them to do so, they will act emo/weird and infact might act crazy or snobby with you). Unfortunately you have to do what is best for you Lamby. You can be friends with your ex but keep your distance is what I would do. Yet, only socialise when required with your friend or partner present whenever the ex decides to interact with you. Treat your ex like a normal person or civilian that you may know from town and talk randomly with a variety of topics but throw in a joke or two if necessary to lighten the mood. However, the best thing to do is try your best to ignore her mind games. Sometimes it can be very awkward and other times it would confuse you on what she truly wants. If she truly wanted you back, she would have gone out her room then ran over to you in person begging for it but clearly she hasn't. She's moody and hasn't let go of you yet, give her space and time to do so. Just move on for now, don't let her emotions toy with your feelings for her. Just let her be, forget what she's doing at the moment and focus on your partner.
Author lamby Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 May I say thanks to everyone who has posted here , its been a great help to me , I know that I am the winner here , she is with someone else and so am I , she made contact I did not reply , I have not had any bad feeling towards her or her family , I have let things go , I always talk nicely about her when people ask about us , she has the problem.................... I am I right or wrong is this what your telling me ?
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