Starry-eyed Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I've got a lot going on right now and would like some support, if any feels like offering it. I'm not sure where to post this and so I'm posting it here. I'm going through a divorce. An amicable divorce, one that was my initiating and pursuing. I am heavily attracted to a co-worker and we have spent some time together away from work. I got reassigned to a new floor at work a couple of months ago and absolutely do not like where I am and my day passes painfully slowly. I'm giving my dogs up for adoption because I don't feel I will be able to care for them as they should be cared for after moving to an apartment and stuff. I think it's right, but is incredibly sad. And I've looking at apartment complexes and many of them are depressing, BUT, I saw a cute one today that I think I'd like, but I really don't have the money until we sell the house, so I'd have to use advance money to move. Also, I'm taking online courses and it's hard to concentrate on my schoolwork. So, I'm excited about the potential apartment, but kind of stressed about other stuff. Anyone have any encouragement for me? I don't really have anyone in my real life to talk to about this because I don't want to tell anyone about my co-worker and that is a big part of what is going on with me. Thanks!!!
quankanne Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 whoa, that's a lot of changes to face! yes, hugs for you, and if you really need a pick-me-up go to the hoops & yoyo site, they're good for smiles. mostly, though, just try not to let yourself get overwhelmed ... remember, one step at a time will get you through the thick of it.
Author Starry-eyed Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 Thanks, quankanne! You're right, these are a lot of changes to be going through, but I know people have gone through worse. Some of these changes have been the catalysts or precipitated other changes. Thank you for your thoughts. What is the hoops and yoyo site? One thing that is good is that the woman in the breed rescue to whom I'm turning over the dogs has said she's already had people interested in them. I'm glad. I'm trusting her to choose good homes and she's a really neat lady and I know she really and truly cares about dogs and stuff. But still, it's hard to give up the babies! I am sorry for your friend who died.
Sunny629 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Here is a hug and a piece of chocolate cake!!! (and it has no calories or fat ) I'm so sorry about your dogs! I have pets, too, and would have a tough time giving them up! Blessings on you!
Author Starry-eyed Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 Thank you, Sunny! I know, the dog thing is depressing. One of my dogs is laying next to me, sleeping, right now, looking very sweet. I know it will take them some time to adjust and it will be hard on them for a short time, but I believe in the long run it will be better for them. They can live in a house with a yard, so they can still run around and lay in the sun and stuff, and go out in the middle of the night to go potty. It also will allow me to have a social life and go out on dates (hopefully with my co-worker! but if not him, then Mark Wahlberg!) and maybe I will do more things this summer.
quankanne Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 VERY good news about the breed rescue, I've told my husband that when we're ready for another "baby," this is the route we'll go because there are so many pets who need immediate homes. hoops & yoyo are Hallmark characters, they're pretty funny and remind me of a couple of mischievous little kids! ~~~~ I appreciate your condolences – it was my brother's child, killed this past weekend while serving in Afghanistan ...
Sunny629 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Yes, have fun in the summer!! And just know that your dogs will be taken care of. It is amazing how the sun loosens, relaxes, and heals us! quankanne - I am sorry to hear about your nephew. That is very sad. Blessings to your family. He looks very mischievous and fun in your avatar.
Author Starry-eyed Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 Wow, quankanne, that is very recent for your nephew to have passed away! I'm sorry; I'm sure it's very painful. Thanks for the hugs, guys. Today is another day!
Ariadne Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I'm giving my dogs up for adoption because I don't feel I will be able to care for them One thing that is good is that the woman in the breed rescue to whom I'm turning over the dogs has said she's already had people interested in them. I'm glad. One of my dogs is laying next to me, sleeping, right now, looking very sweet. I know it will take them some time to adjust ------------ Wow... Ariadne
quankanne Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 thanks, guys ... he DID have an impish side to him, would do things to drive his sister nuts whenever they'd drive from oklahoma to south tx to visit my folks :laugh: about the breed rescue set up: what sorts of things do they look at when they agreed to help find a home for your pet? Are they required to be spayed/neutered? I'm guessing they try their best to match owner/pet personalities, too? I'd love to connect with a Westie rescue, but husband has his heart set on a beagle, and we've talked about letting the female have one litter. Not to sell or anything, but to have puppies/dogs.
longlegzs80 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 why do you feel like you have to tell anyone about your involvement with your coworker? It would be no ones business unless you feel the need to tell someone. Anywho, it sounds like your going through alot in your life, kinda like me but different situations. Your looking for support just like me and don't have it around which really sucks. My suggestion to you is keep your involvement with your coworker and who cares what others may think. The apartment thing, I am going through the same issue. Don't have the money and have been looking constantly. As far as you giving your puppies up for adoption, not sure why your doing that. Pets make great friends and they listen to you when no one else does. Well, keep your head up and find some kind of support group meaning people like friends who can listen to you. I know it is hard, because I am dealing with the same thing, no support system and it really stinks. Other then that, sit down and try to figure things out. Best wishes to you.
Author Starry-eyed Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 thanks, guys ... he DID have an impish side to him, would do things to drive his sister nuts whenever they'd drive from oklahoma to south tx to visit my folks :laugh: about the breed rescue set up: what sorts of things do they look at when they agreed to help find a home for your pet? Are they required to be spayed/neutered? I'm guessing they try their best to match owner/pet personalities, too? I'd love to connect with a Westie rescue, but husband has his heart set on a beagle, and we've talked about letting the female have one litter. Not to sell or anything, but to have puppies/dogs. Definitely most rescue dogs are required to be spayed/neutered before being placed in a home. It would be unusual to have that not be a requirement. The woman who is the local breed rescue contact knows our dogs a little bit, which is helpful. They do try to match dog and home as well as possible. Of course, depending on the popularity or numbers of the breed, some rescues might not be able to be too picky just by sheer volume of dogs needing homes. Our rescue person also is trying to make sure they go to homes with fenced yards; that is really important to me. And they also take things into account like if the dog does well with other dogs, cats, kids, etc., has separation anxiety, activity level. Rescue is a great way to go for people looking for a specific breed. Westies are cute. Beagles are, too, but that hound quality of baying! At the local dog park you can always tell when a Beagle has treed a squirrel! why do you feel like you have to tell anyone about your involvement with your coworker? It would be no ones business unless you feel the need to tell someone. Anywho, it sounds like your going through alot in your life, kinda like me but different situations. Your looking for support just like me and don't have it around which really sucks. My suggestion to you is keep your involvement with your coworker and who cares what others may think. The apartment thing, I am going through the same issue. Don't have the money and have been looking constantly. As far as you giving your puppies up for adoption, not sure why your doing that. Pets make great friends and they listen to you when no one else does. Well, keep your head up and find some kind of support group meaning people like friends who can listen to you. I know it is hard, because I am dealing with the same thing, no support system and it really stinks. Other then that, sit down and try to figure things out. Best wishes to you. Hi longlegz, it isn't that I felt I should tell someone about my co-worker and I, it's just that sometimes it's nice to have someone to talk to, you know, like a friend that you could share something with. That's all I meant. And you're right, I'm looking for support. It's nice to know other people need support, too! So you're also looking for an apartment? Any possibilities? I looked at another one tonight after work and it was awful. I'm really tempted to try and apply for the one I saw yesterday, but there's the whole money issue. Why are you moving? Going through a divorce also?
quankanne Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 At the local dog park you can always tell when a Beagle has treed a squirrel! :laugh: I don't imagine they'd be any worse than the donkey living nearby that I've discovered earlier tonight! Husband's heart is set on getting bagels (as he calls them), and they seem like friendly little guys. I did take a look on the pet-finder website, and noticed some of the shelters were pretty good about history, personality, needs, etc.
Storyrider Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Starry-eyed, sorry you're feeling bad. I see you're off-line. Can't wait to talk to you tomorrow. Hope you're feeling better.
Storyrider Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Hey, Starry-eyed. How was today? You sure have a lot on your plate. I can't believe all the changes you have been through in such a short time. What is going on with the guy at work? Does he still like you? I really appreciated all the thoughtful posts you made on my sex thread a while back. You really helped me talk some issues through. So what's up with you today?
Author Starry-eyed Posted April 5, 2007 Author Posted April 5, 2007 Hello, friend. I'm a little better today, but still struggling to stay on top of things and handle what is going on and not give in to my inner fears. Been crying some but do feel a smidge better and the sun is supposed to come out the next couple of days, which helps. I'm really trying to change the way I think about myself and the world so that I am more positive and believe that I deserve good things to happen to me. I'm seeing an awesome counselor and she really helps, but it's a long haul. I'm still in utter lust with my co-worker. I guess things are going ok. We don't see each other at work much anymore, but for the last couple of weeks we've either left work early or taken long lunches and gone to his house to fool around. That may sound slutty, but I don't think it is, since we've been friends for so long. I really like him and am trying to not depend on him likeing (why can't I remember how to spell like-ing???) me for my validation that I am a worthy, loveable person. I think about him too much and get lots of anxiety if I don't hear from him when I think I should. But I'm working on that, since I rationally know that part of my feelings are not so much for him specifically but he is the current focus of my hyper-focusing mind. I don't know exactly how he feels about me, no one knows that we've been seeing each other, but he says nice things to me that I like. I'm trying to just enjoy things for now with him, as they are, and not worry about the future because if I don't have a future with him, I know I'm going to meet my own Mark Wahlberg (ever since I saw Four Brothers I've been obsessed with Mark Wahlberg!). Of course, I'm hiding these things from my husband and I don't like that. I think I'm going to stay with my mom sometime next week so that I don't have to lie. I've never been a big liar or dishonest person, and yet I am not telling my hub about my co-worker. What purpose would it serve other than to hurt him even more and make him feel inadequate? Wow, I bet this is way more than you want to know. My "new" job still mostly sucks and I'm bored out of my mind at it. School is intense and I've got to be disciplined to not get behind. Still trying to pack things in the house, take stuff to storage, make the repairs and stuff. Gosh. Anyway, if anyone read all of this, THANKS and YOU ROCK! I hope you are doing ok, SR. You seem like such a neat person. Thanks for caring. Has Passover started yet? quankanne, bagels are sweet dogs. And a really nice size, too: solid yet small. Maybe you can get the bagel and then get the Westie (hubby won't notice, will he? )
Storyrider Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Sounds like even though your feelings are up and down you are handling things well. You deserve a bit of fun, and if the thing with your co-worker (hey we need a shorter nickname for him!!) are still fun, then carry on. Some anxiety would be normal, I would think, since you haven't dated for over twelve years. Do you guys ever go out on formal dates, or do you just hang out and mess around? Sounds yummy either way. I agree with your decision not to tell your (future ex) husband. You're right that there would be no point. The first two nights of Passover are over, and Passover itself lasts until next Monday. Technically we aren't supposed to be eating any bread or bread products, but we aren't doing it this year. It is hard with small children who live on PB and J! Thanks for asking. P.S. Your new avatar is edgy and cool. It is from an album cover, right? Is it The Cure? I can't put my finger on it.
Author Starry-eyed Posted April 5, 2007 Author Posted April 5, 2007 Sounds like even though your feelings are up and down you are handling things well. You deserve a bit of fun, and if the thing with your co-worker (hey we need a shorter nickname for him!!) are still fun, then carry on. Some anxiety would be normal, I would think, since you haven't dated for over twelve years. Do you guys ever go out on formal dates, or do you just hang out and mess around? Sounds yummy either way. We haven't had any formal dates yet, given my situation. But he has said he'd like to take me to dinner, and we want to go to this museum exhibit together. But prob not until I'm not living with my future-ex hub anymore, just out of respect for him (how hypocritical that must sound since I'm already gettin' sexed up by CW (shorter than co-worker, yes?) and lieing to my h. I'm trying to do the best that I can for myself and trying to do good for my h, too, at least as much as I can. Don't know if that makes sense.) I agree with your decision not to tell your (future ex) husband. You're right that there would be no point. Thanks for saying that. I kinda don't even feel guilty really, I just don't like lying, and yet I think it's best. Weird, huh? Sometimes I don't know myself. The first two nights of Passover are over, and Passover itself lasts until next Monday. Technically we aren't supposed to be eating any bread or bread products, but we aren't doing it this year. It is hard with small children who live on PB and J! Thanks for asking. P.S. Your new avatar is edgy and cool. It is from an album cover, right? Is it The Cure? I can't put my finger on it. My beloved avatar is from Night of the Living Dead. I'm glad you like it! I feel like her a lot! My sister-in-law (soon to be ex) is Jewish and I was at her house once for the Passover seder. It was neat. I liked the different food and how it represents different things, and you eat things a certain way, like dipping something into bitter water. And leaving an empty seat for Elijah. But, the not eating bread or pasta would be a total killer for me, which I guess is why people do it, because it's a sacrifice. But sometimes it's just not practical, like with kids and living in America. I am trying to be positive, and yet I also battle my inner fears that all of this (and I guess "this" mainly means CW) will slip through my fingers, that it's too good to be true. That is what I am combatting. I have to learn that it is NOT too good to be true and I am as worthy and loveable and OK as anyone else, even CW ('cause I kinda have him on this worshipful pedestal). Anyway, thanks for your thoughts and comments. It is nice to talk! You deserve good things, too, SR! Remember that. Not that you should do what I did, but, you deserve a fulfilling marriage (sexual as well as other things).
bridget_jones Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Good luck and enjoy this new chapter in your life. I hope things work out well with the guy at work, whether you end up with a new romance or a good friend. Things will be OK! I went through a traumatic, life-changing event in Janurary and am just now feeling happy again. I will be moving to the Oregon area in a couple months. Counseling has helped me a lot. Again, you seem like a great person and I know that good things are destined for you.
Author Starry-eyed Posted April 6, 2007 Author Posted April 6, 2007 Thanks, bridget jones! (Oh, how I have loved your diaries! ) I think good things are destined, too. How interesting that you had a traumatic experience in January because that is when everything came to a crisis-head for me, too, and I kind of had a break down. I even had a doctor's note to stay home from work for about three days because I could not pull myself together to function. I am so glad you are feeling better! Isn't it horrible to go through something like that, but then seeing the light at the end of the tunnel gives you such hope and optimism? I don't have PM privileges yet, but when I get them I want to ask you about Oregon. I live in Oregon.
Author Starry-eyed Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 I'm updating my thread in case anyone is interested. Anyone? Bueller? If you think I should move this thread to another board, please let me know. Yesterday (Sat) I took my dogs to the woman who does the breed rescue. It was a hard and sad thing to do, even though I feel it's best. Then I went to CW's, which was really nice. I found out he has mentioned me to a friend of his (a long-distance friend) and it was really nice to spend a little time with him. He also said some really nice things to me, like how he thought my purse was cute "just like you" (meaning me) and that I am kissable. I don't know, I know I have to love myself myself, and I am, but, it's still really cool to hear that kind of stuff. Today was Easter and I ate a lot, which was super tasty, but I must have gained 5 lbs. And I did not do well on my most recent school tests because I've been distracted from studying and concentrating on my homework, and that sucks because I don't want to ruin my GPA but now I prob have. And, I've been crying this weekend because of my dogs, how sad it is and I miss them and hope they are ok and not missing me too much, but I know they are. I believe that God will find them good homes, but it still hurts, even though I'm the one doing it. Ya know? Anyhoo....thanks for anyone who's listening - it's nice to have people to talk to. Oh, and I would PM people that have posted to me before, but I don't have PM privileges yet. Something to look forward to!
Storyrider Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Hey, starry-eyed. I am absolutely following, so please keep posting. Sorry about your dogs. I am sure they miss you. I am also pretty sure they will be OK. It sounds like you're doing a good job placing them and putting a lot of thought into it. I can imagine that it is very hard. Polywog is going to have to share her dog with her ex. Maybe you can commiserate. The CW seems into you. And he seems nice to give you those sweet compliments. I would take them gracefully, as you seem to be doing. I ate too much today too. And drank too much. A friend of ours got this weird ice-cube "tray" that makes shot glasses made out of ice. Weird, huh? So we were drinking shots of this vodka cream stuff out of ice glasses. When they started to melt they would get all lopsided and slide all over the counter. It was like Alice in Wonderland. Happy Easter!
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